Fiance called off the wedding

Since you called him your "ex", and without further context, Its hard to say either way. Did he break up with you? If so, YES. Call vendors. If he's concerned about the COVID-19 virus, wait a few days. Why did he call it off? Did you know what lead up to it?

Okay what was his reason for calling off the wedding ? Do not disclose your personal business here BUT if it’s due to the Coronavirus he has a valid point. Try to keep calm give him space and you all revisit the conversation.

View Quoted Comment Not the Corona virus. He is not sure he wants to be with me.

View Quoted Comment I believe it was a breakup attempt. He said he is not sure if he wants to be married right now with his career advancing and does not want planning a wedding and being married to get in the way of any work opportunities.

I would wait a day or so to start making phone calls. Solely based on the fact that I'm an emotional person and making professional calls like this would be hard for me to do at a time like that.

I am so sorry this is happening to you. Breakups are never easy, especially during an engagement. Hugs to you.

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Being married shouldn't affect his career in ANY way. What opportunities is he going to miss because he's married? Sounds like excuses to me. I think you dodged a bullet.

View Quoted Comment Oh my ... he may be going through something personally. Try to give him space he will come back around. Then , you will have to think if he is really the one due to him calling off the wedding.

I am so sorry! That is the worst excuse ever.


Call off the vendors, but it's ok to wait a little if you need that time to yourself. Bear in mind some vendors may have a delayed response time because everyone is probably blowing up their phones over coronavirus.
Don't stay with a guy who ambushes you like that.

I’m so sorry sending you positive vibes.


Honestly Give yourself some time to process before you call vendors

View Quoted Comment It's just like you said you don't I think it's a good idea to be with someone who basically just broke up with you like that. To me you should be able to handle a career advancement with someone you love by your side supporting you on the way up. I suggest you really reflect on yourself and think about even if he does come back like you said do you want to be with someone like that because it sounds like he just broke up with you over a very on his and silly reason. I don't think it's a bad idea to start calling vendors now and see what their contracts state.

Omg girl, I’m so sorry. I’ve been engaged for nearly 6 years & went through a rough patch like that a few years ago. We made it and we’re actually better than we’ve ever been...finally have our wedding planned for August.


However, in your situation (& this might sound harsh), but I think he’s right about not being ready to get married. Something big like an advancement in a career should be supported by you. He should want to have you there to encourage and share in that. My fiancé and I have been through both advancements and loss of careers (he advanced in his, which in turn rewarded me 5 years of the stay at home mama life to raise our son), but it was us working as a team to determine what was right for us and our future. We talk about new job opportunities openly and have even moved states temporarily as a family for his job twice. There are some huge red flags with what he is saying to you. Planning a wedding isn’t going to get in the way of getting married.
Is it a financial issue? That was part of the reason our engagement was dragged out, as we didn’t really sit down at first and talk budget or anything. When we went and saw our first venue, we both loved it...picked a date...started making guest lists & that. He was so overwhelmed and I didn’t recognize it immediately. I was so excited to plan a wedding, that I didn’t even ask what he wanted. He wanted to go to the courthouse...I wanted to at least have a party. So we compromised. We have 60 of our closest family and friends invited...& we’re actually still having it at a courthouse lol (it’s just a historical one that is not rented out for weddings and special events).
Unfortunately, the conversations you need to have with him aren’t going to be easy. You might not get the answers you want to hear, but it’s better to address these issues now. It’ll save you both a ton of money & time if a divorce stems from this uncertainty later in your marriage.
Best of luck to you, lady 💕

Planning a wedding isn’t going to get in the way of your career****

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I see. Well, it would behoove you to get your deposits back. I wonder though...he wants to break up because of his career. How will being married affect his career?? I don't foresee any issue with taking advantage of work opportunities just because you are married. It's all very confusing and doesn't make a lot of sense. I guess the only tiny obstacle I can see is taking some time off for wedding and honeymoon. Other than that, ??? It seems odd and deflective to me.

Is it possible for someone else to call the vendors? Maybe a friend or family member? I only ask because I know I would probably break down on the phone with my photographer or baker and it would be easier to let someone else handle the details if possible. If you think you’re able to do it, it’s okay to give yourself a few days to process before dealing with the details. Assuming your fiancé changes his mind, I would seriously consider if this is the kind of person you want to be with.

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Wow. I say start cancelling things. Do you REALLY want to stay with someone who sees you as an impediment to his career? Someone like that will most likely never put you first and will take you for granted eventually, if he wasn't already.

I speak from experience because that is how my ex-husband apparently felt (not that he ever said so until after we were married).

Get back whatever money you can, and find a man who appreciates you and all that you bring to a relationship.

View Quoted Comment He is stating his priorities, and you are not first. Give yourself a couple days, and start canceling. Given all those canceling for the virus, if you don't say you are breaking up, just that no one will come, and you cannot reschedule till a job change, maybe moving, you may not lose any money. If you have received any presents for a shower or the wedding, they need to be returned to the giver. You have time enough to notify people , and if a friend or family member is willing to help and call or text or email guests, that is considered okay. You must be crushed, and it is enough to cancel vendors. Let someone else do friends and family. Later you will decide it was better to find up before the wedding, not getting a divorce as the marriage goes bad. But right now, it is as much of a loss as a death. I'm sorry for how hurt you must be. Take care of yourself. And ask others to help you get clear.

If you do decide to cancel, I would use COVID as the reason. Vendors will be more likely to barter with you and give a % of deposits back. If you tell them he called off the wedding, you’ll be up the creek without a paddle and out of all your deposits. Depending on where you live, you can take him to court to get the half of everything back as well. And since he called off the wedding you can keep the ring of give it back. Up to you.

View Quoted Comment Actually, at a certain point in many jobs, advancement may come by being willing to relocate every year or 1.5 years, for up to 5 or ten years. Work 40 hours sometimes, and 70-90 hours others. And if your partner does have a career that depends on staying in one place and building a practice, or client list, or wants a mate who will limit work to share parenting, and household things, not ever working long hours and coming home at 9 pm, leaving at 6am, that won't work. And someone wanting to move, and move up, often, never home, may have a partner who says, if you are going to choose to be gone 70 hours a week, then I want to stay near family and friends, since we clearly won't have a social life. So, either he says to her, I am always going to put my career first, and you, your job, and our kids share second place. Or, you recognize that it is too unfair, you can't do that. So the choice is, give up the career as primary important force, or break up. It happens a lot. A lot of divorces happen because someone assumed the other would sacrifice her life to his career. And she says, it he says, I am primary parent for our kids, I work also, and you want no family responsibilites and no social life with me? Bye, bye.

View Quoted Comment I agree (not just agreeing to agree but having thoughtfully considered this) and should've taken that more into consideration. I think I may have been biased, and speaking of moving for careers (and reflection) I'm dealing with a tinge of that as well. Thank you for being real without being rude!

Hey Sarah,
As much as I hate to bring this up for you again. I saw your happily married now since October 2020. Could I bother you in some advice on how you guys went around things and were able to finally work things out? My fiancé and I recently got engaged and I love him very very much, flaws and all. I mean we’re both flawed, we’re human for that matter. But, we have been arguing for a week and we can’t seem to finally have an adult conversation with each other’s full attention to actually try to resolve things. We just seem to be making matters worse every-time it’s brought up at all, which is my fault on that matter. I am a woman who hates being mad or upset, so I want to repair the damages and I tend to try to do that by talking and in turn he gets mad since I’m not giving him space. But the back and forth has literally been killing me, it’s got my mind, head and heart an absolute mess and I can’t focus or think about things without driving myself crazy and wanting to reach out and just calmly try to resolve the issues. I’m sorry, I’m just trying to see what other couples have done to resolve issues of possibly ending an engagement because I want the wonderful life we have built together to keep moving forward and not just walk away over a petty argument.