Hey everybody. First off, I’ll go ahead and apologize if this post is rather lengthy. I have a lot on my heart and I appreciate any and all guidance.
So my fiancé and I have been together about 3 years now. A year ago, he proposed and we have been planning our wedding for September 30th, 2018. I might also add that we are 9 years apart (He is 34 and I’m 25) We met and immediately fell in love and knew we wanted to get married. He even tried getting married 2 months after we got engaged, but I couldn’t afford it that fast (my family wasn’t helping financially with the wedding). As soon as we got engaged, I ended up moving in with him (I know, I should have waited especially after all this mess).
Before I get into all the details, I want to point out that he can be a very good man. He is probably the hardest worker I know and dedicated to whatever he sets his mind to. Up until I went on the road with him, he treated me like a princess. He literally was the best guy I had ever met in my entire life. He treated me like I was gold and went out of his way to do things for me I probably didn't deserve. He's a very emotional man and will open up to me about his heart and is not afraid to shed a tear and tell me how he feels about me. I have never had that type of man in my life and I found comfort in that. I truly love him with everything I have and accept him for who he is...good and bad.
Here’s a little backstory on our life : he is a professional athlete and we are on the road 300 days out of the year. I own a furniture business and was able to set up a drop shipping service where I could start traveling with him in order to support his dream. While we were on the road the last few months, things started to get harder. We are in a truck or trailer 99% of the time, so if you have a problem it’s not like you can run away. Anyway, my fiancé is a very detailed, extroverted Type A man. I, on the other hand, fly by the seat of my pants and have a laid back and introverted personality. While being stuck in a pickup and trailer the last few months, he started getting extremely critical with me talking about me wearing too much makeup, how he’s “better than me” at this or that, how I am too messy, how I shouldn’t ever want to drink alcohol, how I cuss too much (I say a cuss word every now and then, maybe that is wrong.), how my clothes are too tight, how I had been with men before him (obviously???), how I had a terrible upbringing (his parents were extremely strict and “perfect” and my mom was laid back and my dad wasn’t around). Regardless, my upbringing was not something I could change even if I wanted to. He would hurt my feelings about multiple things and I would initially ignore it. Then it got to the point where he would upset me so bad I would just not talk at all. So while I was trying to withdraw and deal with my emotions, he would say I wasn’t communicating and would start to nag me about that! Once it got to this point, I lost it and sometimes would lose my temper with him. I won’t lie, I immaturely called him a cuss word or two out of anger. I honestly felt like I was being backed into a corner on a daily basis and no matter what I did, it was never good enough. For instance, if I cussed at him or did something wrong he would either take my ring, threaten us getting married or a few times he even kicked me out of his house. I really started withdrawing and felt that I couldn’t open up to him because he felt like an enemy to me for whatever reason. I do feel that being on the road like we were was not healthy and I should have never gave up my life to do that just for his dreams and goals. As I mentioned earlier, my fiancé is 9 years older and since I’ve been around him so much I’ve felt like he treats me somewhat like a child. If I don’t pick up a certain way or say something right I feel like I get in trouble. Maybe my perspective is wrong and since we have been together 24/7 I am just being ridiculous. I truly feel that he’s always on my case about something. And if he doesn’t have something of the present, he will go to my past and talk about my previous relationships. I am so laid back, his previous relationships never even cross my mind. So it really amazes me how he is able to pick fights about these topics. Regardless, I try to help him feel better and do all I can to make things right. BTW…I realize this is only one side of the story and I’m sure he has a list of things to say about me and my ways so I’m by no means trying to bash him. These are just some of the things that have gone on leading up to all of this drama…….
On our way to an event, he started criticizing me and I immediately shut down. I realize this isn’t the mature thing to do, but being on the road, I had no “me” time and my personality couldn't handle the criticism. Without saying another word, he called his mom (he’s a BIG momma’s boy…that’s a whole other discussion) and told her to not send out the invites , that he was calling off the wedding! This happened 1.5 months before the wedding!! He even went into details with her why he was doing all of this while I just sat in the passenger’s seat bawling my eyes out. I couldn’t believe he would call his mother of all people and embarrass me that way. I was in complete shock and could barely look or speak to him. He immediately booked a flight for me and sent me home. I have to say. That was by far one of the hardest days of my life. To be so heartbroken and in shock, yet have to travel and somewhat function…I just have no words for how I felt that day. To top it off, as soon as I arrived home I got a text from his mom saying “Make sure to shut down all of the registries. I don’t want people sending gifts, so make sure to do that ASAP. “ Of all the things she could say to me, thats ALL she had to say???? I couldn’t believe it. I cried all night long. She went from talking to me daily about the wedding to immediately treating me like I was nothing to her and she didn’t care about my feelings. Anyway, a few days went by and he started bugging me like crazy. He decided he DID want to get married and had to send me our invitations out of the trailer. I started getting excited again and told my family, vendors, and bridal party it was back on. Within a few more days, once again he decided he wanted to cancel it. Side Note : Do you know what it’s like canceling a wedding , only to put it back on, only to cancel it all over again ? The poor vendors thought I had mental issues and my bridal party quit taking me seriously.
It’s been 3.5 weeks since he flew me home, and it has been extremely difficult. Every day I feel a different emotion. Some days I’m busy and can be somewhat nice to him while other days I am so angry with him I can’t think straight. He tells me he just wants to postpone the wedding and work on our issues, but I can’t even get past him calling it off in the first place. I realize there are times to call off weddings to get things right, but I honestly felt I didn’t do anything bad enough to deserve to get our wedding called off. When it’s brought up, he reminds me why I deserved to have it called off and what I did wrong, never looking at himself in the mirror. I feel that he almost did it as a way to discipline me. It’s absolutely terrible. After spending time with my family and friends the past few weeks, let’s just say they aren’t in love with him like they once were. They have all told me to run as fast as I can and move on, but I do really care for and love him with all of my heart. It’s not just something I can move on from overnight. This may be wrong, but to me, despite all his flaws that I don’t like, nothing he did was bad enough that I would ever even CONSIDER calling off our wedding. I accepted him for him, good and bad. I just feel that he didn’t do the same for me. I know I am not perfect, but in my heart I do not feel that I deserved this. I am a strong person, but this has to be the hardest thing I’ve ever gone through. I might also add : a couple days ago I got 3 texts from his mom stating that “all the gifts need to be returned to ______ & ______ immediately. They want their gifts back. It needs to happen quick.” I immediately texted her and explained that I tried to return them and couldn’t get a refund and I was going to be shipping them so that way they could keep them or gift them to somebody else. I also said I’m sorry, this has been extremely hard on me and I promise I would never expect to keep the gifts. Nothing was ever taken out of the box ( there was a $25 gift and a $99 gift, we only had received 2 up until this point). After I opened up and told her how hard it had been, SHE NEVER EVEN REPLIED. Anyways...enough with the ex future mother-in-law....
I am so lost on what I should do. He will be back in week and I have already started packing my things so I won’t be here when he gets home. Am I supposed to be the bigger person and let the postponed wedding go ? Or do I have the right to feel upset and confused ? Has anybody ever gone through something similar to this ?? I have so many questions.....I have never been so lost, embarrassed, sad or angry in my entire life. I am all ears and will gladly accept any and all advice. I’m so sorry for the long post, I am just so extremely heartbroken.