FH Refusing A First Dance With Me

We have the same issue where FH is not comfortable dancing. We've been practicing though. No money in the budget for dance lessons. Make sure you are communicating that this is very important to you. I am sure he will be willing to compromise to make you happy

Dear God... All you have to do is sway and maybe take a few steps. A Manhattan made this much easier for me.

Awe. ultimatum? no dance? no consumation! hahaha omg I am kidding. please just talk to him. tell him this is a tradition that means a lot to you and maybe you can pick a part of the song instead of the whole thing. he is going to be so nervous the thing will be over before he knows it

My FH can't dance and we took dance classes maybe you should try that

You can always do a short song & be joined by your bridal party after a minute so the focus is off him & he's more comfortable

It's not that hard to do a slow dance...? Just sway back and forth if he's uncomfortable.

Dance lessons helped for one of my couples last year...and they're keeping it up so they have an interactive thing between them! Worked a treat for them.

What? Refuse you? Not the two best words to begin a marriage that will happen in six months.

Can you explain how and why the two of you selected a first dance song months ago, but now he is unable to escort you to the dance floor and honor you, his beloved, with this unmatched moment (and make no mistake...it is an unmatched moment)?

Here's what you don't do...not now and not ever: You don't say, "Okay" and silently be hurt. Oh, no. That's not the way to start a marriage with a man who helped you chose the song that you've been listening to, for months, while picturing yourself with him in the spotlight.

Tell him that you expect him to be a man of his word, and if he doesn't express this gesture of love to you -- the one he led you to believe in -- then you will be very HURT. Explain it this way -- none of your guests are going to hold up dance score cards. This is your wedding, not Dancing with the Stars (or Dancing with Brides). They won't be looking at your feet. What they'll be looking at is the way he holds you, the way you hold him, the intense looks you exchange with each (no matter how fleeting), the tear he wipes away, the way you snuggle into his shoulder...what you're guests are hungering for is a expression of new love. That's why we love weddings -- they are expressions of human love, and in this world, we need that. Those few moments, if couples had the emotional wherewithal to look around the room, would show them how many guests are tearing up -- not just for you, but for their dreams, past, present, and future, of love.

Is he worried about his feet, his ability to dance, or his emotional vulnerability? As for the first two, PSA -- nobody cares. Nobody. You don't need dance lessons. All you need is the ability you already have -- the ability to fall into each other and simultaneously breathe and move to the music (anyone, even me, can do that). Your bodies will do the rest. Remember, your guests are all waiting to hear the song you selected, and they know it will be heart touching. Give it to them. It's as important as the champagne toast.

I truly suggest you try talking to him. My FH had completely written off the need to fly in his entire life, he has a fear of flying. I finally voiced how disappointed I was that we would not be flying, and went in with no expectations, anticipating no reply. He said nothing, but I felt better just knowing that he knew how I felt. A week or so later he came to me having done his research, decided where we would go, and his stipulations. I was beyond ecstatic. A compromise can happen, but the answer will always be no if you don't at least put your feelings out there.

I would try to talk to him. My FH says he can't dance but I'm not taking it as a no. I told him how much it means to me and he said he would give it his best shot.

Practice so he feels more comfortable. Or dance class. I'd be upset, first dance is pretty important.

Even though I love dancing, and I'm decent with several styles, I don't want to do any special dances, because I hate having everybody look at me. FH wants to do special dances with everybody. We're both gonna have an interesting time working this out, OP.

Rachel always says it best!

We did the prom sway (neither of us can dance). About 30 seconds into the sound our DJ invited everyone else out onto the floor and everyone came out. I think it was the only song everyone at the entire wedding danced to. Prom sway also made for a gorgeous pic!

Thank you to everyone, i got a lot of great ideas to help him feel more comfortable. I really appreciate the POSITIVE feedback.

Why the emphasis on "positive"???

I suggest practicing naked in your kitchen. After dancing that intimately with somebody, you can never feel uncomfortable dancing with them afterwards. And you will create an intimate moment that you both can focus on when dancing at the reception. My FH and I do this all the time (not to our wedding song, just naked dancing). It is the literal best. I think all couples should do it!

It's his wedding too.

What about his feelings about not wanting to dance?

You can dance in your room alone together after. You aren't any less married if you skip a dance. We had no dancing. It was lovely and fine and in all married.

PS I'm a professional dancer. Not dancing at my own wedding sucked but I was drinking had fun anyway. I promise it doesn't ruin the night.

See if you can reach a compromise but remember it's his day too.

Can you communicate with him that you would be hurt? You don't have to be "silent" about this...

Yeah, sign up for dance lessons.

we did a dance class. only took 2 classes to learn a very basic step.

Meh. I did this to FH. I had told him repeatedly that I did not want to do a first dance because I hate to dance.

He told me he really wanted one.

I compromised and said ok, as long as it was choreographed. (I do musicals, and can -- laboriously -- learn choreography.)

Our choreographer flaked after 2 sessions.

So then he compromised...and there will be no dance.

Neither of us wants to just "sway" because we've both watched that and been bored silly by it.