Savvy October 2020

fh Isn’t Into Wedding Planning

Tierra, on October 16, 2019 at 8:51 AM Posted in Planning 0 12
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Hey ladies. I was wondering should I be worried if my FH isn’t as excited or into the wedding planning process like I am? He’s constantly saying whatever I want is fine. He’s said he’s perfectly fine with eloping at the courthouse if it came down to it, and that he knows I want a wedding so it can be planned however my heart desires and he’ll show up. However, last night I was showing color ideas and felt like he’d want some say so in the suit style and things he’d want to wear. He said that if I could lay 3-4 options out for him (in all areas of planning) he would rather be able to pick from options that he has. I’m trying not to get frustrated but I also don’t want to feel like I’m planning a whole wedding by myself. What do you think?


  • Melle
    Champion June 2019
    Melle ·
    • Flag
    It's super common. Sounds like my husband aha. Is there anything you think he would be stoked about? For instance my husband wanted a boba bar so I left that to him to plan by himself because that's what he was excited about
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  • Amber
    Rockstar February 2020
    Amber ·
    • Flag

    You definitely shouldn't be worried that he isn't interested in planning. Most guys aren't, and even some girls aren't excited about wedding planning. Doesn't mean he doesn't want to get married! FH is not excited about wedding planning either and I feel like I was always bugging him with questions and he felt like all I did was talk about the wedding, but it's only because I value his opinion more than anyone else's. So we compromised: I ask him questions about the wedding when I need to, but it's something that can be answered with a yes or no. He genuinely wants me to do whatever I want, but I want his approval to feel good about the choices I'm making. So instead of asking him "hey, what colors should we do for the wedding?" I'll ask "hey, do you like these colors I've picked out?". Don't worry too much about it Smiley smile

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  • C
    Dedicated September 2019
    Cardioqueen ·
    • Flag
    This is normal. I was annoyed by this kind of stuff during planning all the time. I honestly think your FH trying to make you happy. He is probably worried that he will choose something you don’t like and it will cause stress or conflict between you guys. If he only has options he already knows you like, it’s a lot easier to avoid that.

    If you have fairly strong preferences about what he should wear, I would recommend going with his request and giving him a few options you like to choose from. If that’s too much work on your plate or if you want him to take more of a lead, flip the tables and tell him to choose 3 or 4 looks he likes and you will tell him which one is your favorite.
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  • Mrs. H
    Master September 2019
    Mrs. H ·
    • Flag
    You have absolutely nothing to worry about! I have yet to meet a man who has ever expressed as much interest in planning a wedding as the woman; however, I can totally understand why you might be frustrated - especially because you're wanting to include him and actively asking for/seeking his help. Have you tried providing him with the options he suggested? He may feel overwhelmed and unsure of where to start, so narrowing it down to 3-4 options might help you both make the decision together and keep him "in the loop" with the planning process. Good luck!

    • Reply
  • Laura
    Rockstar October 2019
    Laura ·
    • Flag

    It's a man thing. My FH is the same way. I don't think they realize all the time, effort, and money that goes into a wedding, even a more casual one like ours

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  • K
    Dedicated October 2019
    Katherine ·
    • Flag
    I think he’s being selfish/lazy, but no more so than most grooms.

    Mine would show up for appointments I scheduled for tastings, and give opinions on his favorites but did nothing to assist with colors, themes, decor, vendor selection.

    why? Because we let them and historically culture and tv has said they don’t have to do anything.
    • Reply
  • Emma
    Dedicated April 2020
    Emma ·
    • Flag

    I think that's painfully common. My FH is so excited about the wedding, and tells me that, but he's just not so into the planning. I think in our case a lot of it is that he's not excited about spending the money. Compromise is key and it's probably a lot easier to go to him with ideas and get his opinion on those. If he ever disagrees with something that I showed him, that's when he knows its up to him to help with coming up with something. Literally, the only decision I have seen him get genuinely excited about was picking out the lining for his jacket on his suit. And even then he lost interest once it was time to pay.

    I would just say let your FH know that its a special day for both of you and ask him what his must haves are and maybe have him handle a lot of the planning on those. You could even ask him to make a Pinterest board for what he envisions, its something simple that can help get y'all on the same page. But otherwise don't worry about it too much and try to enjoy the process!

    • Reply
  • Brooke
    Expert November 2019
    Brooke ·
    • Flag

    My FH is the same exact way. Granted, he wanted to elope more than having a wedding (he's doing it for me) so I understand. He has helped with the planning, but after a little nudge from me haha.

    • Reply
  • Jill
    Expert May 2020
    Jill ·
    • Flag

    That sounds exactly like my FH. I agree with asking him if there's anything in particular he would want to do or want input in. For example, my FH is pretty creative so he is making all our signs. Maybe once he starts doing a few things he enjoys he'll get more into it!

    • Reply
  • Sarah
    Devoted June 2020
    Sarah ·
    • Flag

    Get used to it! My FH cares about 1) Food 2) Booze 3) Catholic Ceremony. Other than that he's told me as long as the end of the day we are married, he doesn't care. Don't be offended, it's a guy thing.

    • Reply
  • mrsanda
    VIP March 2017
    mrsanda ·
    • Flag
    My DH was very involved and it was at times hard because I couldn’t do things I wanted but I appreciated that he was involved. We both worked full time and of course I did more than him as far are making labels and stuff I did often go with a few options like for invites, colors, etc. I think it can be overwhelming for men and I am a huge planner so I think laying out options for him a good way to do it together.

    • Reply
  • Michelle
    Rockstar September 2020
    Michelle ·
    • Flag
    Hey hey, don't get frustrated. I think it's pretty normal. My FH is kinda the same...he's involved but not involved lol. When picking the photographers he basically said pick my best 2 and he'll pick from there. It was extremely frustrating looking through all those photos alone most times but when I did ask for his opinion he was very willing to sit and look with me. I think him asking you to narrow things down for him is a good sign. It shows that he's interested just not as fully as us brides are.

    So, I say pick everything that your heart desires and if he wants to add something, he'll speak up when ready. My FH wanted a fog machine for the first dance and garter removal, to make a slideshow of us to Carmina Burana by Carl Orff "don don don don" 😂😂😂 (trust me you know the song, Micheal Jackson used it in one of his intros) we'll play this at the reception right before we're introduced lol and to wear emerald green; which is our wedding color and happens to be his favorite color. So those were his wants and everything I pick he's cool with. I think making sure you get everything you want first is probably what he wants the most! Enjoy this process! Happy planning!
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