FH fights over wedding planning stress

So stressed. It's part of the reason why I'm on WW instead of sleeping right now. I feel like I should be doing something, but there's nothing I can do.

It's normal. Weddings cost lots of money and that can lead to stress. Take breaks from planning to focus on you and FH. I was going crazy for awhile but once I got the big things done it's been much easier to relax. Also make sure you have days where planning is not discussed. It's exciting but when you talk about it non stop it stops being fun.

Stress city over here. Can't switch it off. We are also paying for everything. But I've found that not talking about it all the time helps keep fights at bay.

You all need to take a good long break from wedding planning. We fought a lot the last month of the planning so we took a weekend camping trip with no wedding talks allow. It was great to remind ourselves of why we are getting married.

You all are still very far away from your dates. Take a break, get away, re-kindle your love for each other.

Then come back re-charged and get on with the tasks. Good luck and stay strong guys!

Don't let wedding planning make and break you and your FH before you say I do. It's stressful overall; my advice to you is to take several breaks in between the planning and enjoy each other by doing the things you both love. Most men do not want to talk about wedding planning majority of the time. It is frustrating for us, but we have to respect it and find other ways to make it "enjoyable" for them.

It was really stressful in the beginning for me. My family is more laid back when it comes to weddings- like, we really respect how others want to celebrate their big day and we're very supportive. His family is very high-brow. My FH is Italian, Irish and German but mostly Italian, so everything's gotta be grand. When I first started planning, all I thought about was making them happy and satisfied. It was really getting to me. So, I spoke to my FH and I told him how the whole planning had been making me feel. He and I decided that the stress isn't worth it and so we agreed on having an intimate wedding.

My FH told me a few weeks ago he regrets spending money on a big wedding (our wedding is a small affair,in reality). Granted, he got himself into a nasty financial hole with unexpected car and applications troubles and is working OT to cover things, so he's feeling pinched in terms of sleep, time, and money. He also was told that we're spending too much and not enough on our wedding by his family (his sister and her husband paid for their wedding license and clothes, and then their mother paid for two reception parties, which in her mind means that they were apparently free?).

The other day he asked me about inviting some of his work friends to the wedding, which tells me he's going to be planning to enjoy it anyways.

Honestly, I expected to be stressed and fight a lot, but we haven't fought once. If we ever disagree we're just like, this is our wedding and it's supposed to be about love, we'll chill and figure it out later. I would just recommend walking away whenever it gets too heated. If you're fighting about it a lot lately, maybe take a break and just focus on you two for a little bit

It's normal and honestly it's good preparation for marriage--everyone is going to argue, it is inevitable. I agree with PPs to take a step back, a weekend where wedding talk is banned, etc.

Also make sure you are in absolute agreement about the budget and that it doesn't put strain on either one of you.

Nope. No arguments. We both made agreements before making arrangements. WE made the budget. WE are making the plans.. The only thing he argues with me about is that I tend to spend too much time at Michaels and JoAnn Fabrics on Friday nights than get home to him I'd definitely take a break from it all if you are having issues already.. The only thing we bicker about is his family, but that's more his issue, not mine... because he is embarrassed of them and I have to keep reminding him to let it go. Other than that.. we don't argue about the most important day of our life.

No arguments here.. I ask his opinion on things, he offers suggestions. But we never fight or argue anyway, our discussions are always calm and respectful.

Maybe that will change closer to the date, but in reality its really just a big party and you will be married after!

Yes and no.

I'll start with the no- we're not arguing very much ABOUT the wedding itself. But supposedly his family is helping but we've yet to see a penny of that money.. That's stressing me out big time since we've only got 3 months.

So if anything, I'm stressed about that and he's just getting some of the backlash.

As far as actual planning- like colors, cake, yada yada.. no not really. He mostly doesn't care and just wants everything to magically come together. Voila!

Totally normal because regardless of your budget, it's still money. Just don't let the financial stress make you forget about the end-goal of marriage.

We have had a few fights about the wedding. Main one is I wanted to push it further out. Only to save more money. He's also a groomzilla and wants all the top packages that the vendors offer. I'm more of let's go in the middle. Then he wonders why I'm just wanting to say F*** it and elope.

We don't argue about anything. We do have different views on stuff about the wedding but we always come to a conclusion about them very easily.

Thanks ladies, most of these are helpful

Its not that we're fighting ABOUT the wedding, per say, but rather the residual stress of wedding planning is spilling over to other areas. FH is very on board and has helped a ton so far, so no complaints there. I have to question people who say they never argue with their partner - that seems...well, good for you. Whatever works!

I think it's totally normal. It is a lot of stress and if you haven't set a budget together, I highly recommend doing so. DH and I fought a lot in the beginning of planning. I realized our idea of what we should spend and on what, were completely different. Take a break and then sit down together and go over what your priorities are and what you can do without. Set a budget and break it down. Meaning, what you want to spend on each part of the wedding. I think that will help tremendously.

DH and I had a HUGE wedding-stress-induced fight about processional music, of all things! I said, "I want 'All you Need is Love' (I'm a HUGE Beatles fan) he said, "No-- no songs with words" (cause we had a friend who played "Depeche Mode" on a harp at her wedding and it made us giggle). I made a couple suggestions, which he shot down, and finally I shouted, "What do you want?! The theme to 'Star Trek' or something?!" Well, that made us both laugh and eventually we settled on the "Imperial March" from "Return of the Jedi" and it was PERFECT! Made everyone smile, right at the start, made it clear that this was NOT going to be a serious event.

So, keep in mind that you're both nervous right now, and in 18 years you'll look back and think, "Really? I thought pink vs rose was worth fighting about?"

Keep this in mind for the rest of your married life, Rebecca-- I can tell you, as a marital counselor, that the fight is not always about the subject at hand. So you may fight more with you FH when you're pregnant-- cause you'll both be anxious about being parents. And you may fight more if someone's parents are sick-- cause one person is worried about the parents, and the other is feeling helpless. Being able to say, "OK, we're shouting about the dirty dishes, but really it's probably anxiety about...." will help keep *you* calm, if not your FH.

You are not alone my friend! The stress is real!