fh and i disagree about how to budget attending weddings

I 100% wanted all my guests at my wedding and was fine with whatever gifts we got/didn’t get. Everyone we invited were people we wanted there so I would have been upset to know people declined just because they couldn’t give us a big gift.

I only attend weddings because I genuinely want to celebrate the couples marriage. I give gifts based on what I think they will enjoy. It is not about the cost of the gift, but the intention. As a host, I would much rather have my loved one at my wedding than receive a gift.

I am kind of on your side in terms of the viewpoint of not having to go to every wedding. It also sounds like it’s really not that convenient to have to travel to eight different weddings because that really does sound like it’s a ton of money to have to shell out to travel.

If I valued a gift more than a specific person, they weren’t invited to my wedding in the first place. I would 10000% prefer my friends to be at my wedding and couldn’t care less if they got us a gift at all. That being said, you’re not required to attend every wedding you’re invited to. If time or finances are an issue, or if you simply don’t want to go, politely decline.

I'm the type of person who would try to go to all of them, but 8 weddings in a year is a lot and I understand not having the time/funds.
In your shoes would, I would go to the ones who are invited to your wedding, and send a gift to the rest.

View Quoted Comment

Agree with this.

Also for many people $50 is not cheap or embarrassing and they would rather have you in attendance rather than a gift of any value. Do what you can afford based on how close you are to the couple

I would personally only want to travel to weddings of people that I am really close to, so I understand not wanting to go to all 8. Your fiancé could go without you to the ones you don't want to attend, as long as that's in your budget. It's completely fine to decline wedding invitations for your own reasons, no matter how "hurt" your fiancé thinks the people might be.

As far as gifting, I agree with everyone who said that as someone who had a wedding, I invited people I wanted there with no concern about how much they could or would gift me. And it would have made me sad to learn someone didn't attend because they couldn't afford a "big enough" gift.

It's easy to get a skewed perspective here about how much gifts need to be because there are so many posts focusing on gifts (how to get them, how to get the "right ones", how to get the most money, etc.), but in general, the average couple probably isn't so gift-focused. They invited you, so they want you to attend.

I rather have the person I invited show up with no gift than not to show up and send an expensive gift

I'm inviting people who I genuinely want at my wedding not people who will get me the most expensive gifts. While I understand how you are feeling, I don't think the hosts will mind its not as if $50 is a tiny amount. That being said, 8 is a lot of weddings especially with everything thats going on in the world, I would go to the weddings of those you are closest to.

I would rather that my friends show up with no gift at all than send a gift and not attend. Several of my friends who had to travel from out of town and pay for a hotel room gave us gifts in the $50 or less range, and I had no problem with this. It was more important that they took the time and effort to be there.

Bringing a nice gift is a wish for their future. You don't make that smaller so you can look spiffy and fly someplace. Anyone you would not pay 200 to treat in a restaurant, isn't someone you are close enough to, to go to their wedding. See them to go out, or on vacations. But don't spend hundreds to get there and back for any but really close friends.
As years go by, it is easier and easier to draw a line with distant relatives, school friends and such, that if neither of you have gone out of your way to seek the other out, go places or do things together, or just good long visits, for about 3 years , you should not attend each other's weddings.
I will say that 1 year I was single, and twice married, plus the year we got married when we each had prior commitments, we had soany weddings from our big families, and friends, we were really unhappy about it. And myself and later is, decided to yreat the 15-17 weddings including local that we did not want to miss, and treat th like a vacation, or new car or wedding: we each worked a second job that paid well, better than our main jobs. And worked 60-70 hours a week for a while. Til we saved 8-12 K. For mostly short and log drives . And presents and clothes. With prewedding parties, 25 weekends with at least 15-17 that involved going out dancing, we went to all we wanted ( turning down mainly distant ones)and it was worth saving for like a vacation. Gifts were absolutely in the budget.

View Quoted Comment

This is my view, too.

I completely understand that traveling that much can be expensive and exhausting. I had a few years in which I was invited to 20+ weddings per year. I was living paycheck-to-paycheck during that time (HCOL area that was also a college town so all jobs available paid crap), so they all understood that I just wasn't in a financial situation to be able to attend every wedding and get gifts for them all. I was only able to attend weddings that were local or in my hometown (1.5hrs away) and was not able to give gifts for those. For weddings that were outside of that area, I sent a gift if I was financially able to do so. Sadly, sometimes I just wasn't able to attend or even give a gift. But in every single case, the couple completely understood the situation I was in and (for those I attended) they were just happy I could be there to celebrate with them. So I'm basically with your fiance on this one. My financial situation has improved slightly, but my budget for wedding gifts is still only about $50. There is absolutely NOTHING embarrassing about providing what you can and not what you can't.

Wow!! That's a lot of weddings haha. Honestly, you don't HAVE to go to all these weddings unless you are super close with ALL of the couples. If you are not close to them, then you don't necessarily have to be there. And as for the gifts, please do not be ashamed for what you can and cannot give them! I'm sure that the couples are not looking at what each of their guests give them as a gift, but rather focusing on having fun and being happy on their special day. Giving a couple a gift is just a bonus for them. Personally, my FH and I don't expect gifts from everyone because we just want to celebrate our special day with close family and friends.

8 is a lot, esp for out of town


I'd compromise by sending a card and a token gift card to those you're not that close to. Only attend the ones you actually want to see

I agree with you. Only attend the ones you’re closest with and give a generous gift for them hosting you.

I honestly wouldn’t attend all the weddings. Only the ones of people you’re closest to (and bring a small gift or card if you have travel expenses). You can send a gift, card, or nothing at all for the ones you don’t attend.

That is a lot of weddings for one year! If you have to travel for all of them, that certainly would effect my attendance. However as a bride, I would rather someone attend with no gift at all than not because they couldn’t afford to give me anything. I hate this dated mindset of how much money you should be giving at a wedding. You should be invited for your company, not your pocketbook.

View Quoted Comment

Agree with her.

Most couples DON'T mind a $50-gift At all.Because:

“The greatest gift you can give them today is to be present".