Feminists Walking Down the Aisle?

Your wedding. You get to pick who walks you down the aisle, if anyone.

True... but mom is footing the bill so I'm trying to compromise.

I agree with A.L., but I am 100% with you on the not "giving away." However, you could have your mom AND dad walk you and not do a "giving away" but more of a support thing? Like, I know the act still feels kinda like giving away, but instead of the traditional "who gives this woman" you could do something like this:

Officiant: "Who gives this woman to be married to this man?"

Answer: "She gives herself, but with her family's blessing/support/good wishes."

May be a happy alternative if it's something you're into.

I'm feminist and in a very similar situation. My father is horrible. We don't have a relationship and he won't be at the wedding. I totally get the symbology of "giving away" the bride and how patriarchal and territorial it is. My mom is still going to walk me down the aisle because we have an amazing relationship and it will be more of a joining of families than permission to marry (if that makes sense).

I'm also taking FH's last name. I considered taking my mom's maiden name, but concluded that my life with FH has changed my life path for the better. I want to be a family and I want his last name, because I love him and am his equal in all things.

What are your plans with your last name?

Also - I recently learned about the meaning of why bridesmaids walk down the aisle before the bride. Pretty interesting and bizarre.

@MrsRies&Love - do share! We aren't doing a processional (super tiny wedding), but I'd be curious where that all came from.

Our plan has always been to each walk down with both of our parents. (Just found out FMIL may not make it, so we may have to adjust this.) This was my compromise; my dad would have been hurt if I didn't walk with him, but I have absolutely no interest in the appearance of being "given away" by my dad.

Im a feminist but have a great relationship w both parents, so my experience isn't too relevant. I think really you don't need anyone to walk you, and i that's what u want, tell mom to suck it up. Is relationship w mom good? If so and if u want, can she walk u instead?

@riededo just off the top of my head, the theory is that they walk down as "temptation" to the groom. He sees how beautiful they are and it builds his anticipation for the bride. Very weird to use your closest friends and family to tempt your future husband..

I'm also not into the symbolism of being given away. I picture being handed over along with the goats, cattle, and tracts of land lol. However, I'm very happy to have both my parents escort me. They'll join our hands together at the altar, and our wonderful officiant is nixing any mention of anyone "giving this woman."

At first I was very adamant about walking down the aisle by myself, but my mother suggested that I ask my grandfather to "give me away". My grandfather and I were very close when I was growing up, so I agreed that it would be special to walk with him, but just as that - walking, and supporting me as our families are about to join.

Could you walk with both of your parents? Or do the walk with your dad halfway, then your he walks behind you the rest of the way?

Here's what I did--DH and I both walked in with both our parents. They stood behind us for a minute at the beginning and the officiant asked something like "Who supports this couple in their decision to marry?" They all said "we do", we hugged/kissed/DH gave his dad a high five and they all sat down in the front row.

Lol everyone is different and everyone views things differently, yes in ancient times the bride was given away as property and most of the time it was an arranged marriage but times change. Nowadays It is more of a symbol of his blessing and wish of good health and happiness to the couple. To me and my family, it is giving me away to FH, giving me away to start my own family, etc and it is of cultural importance to me. If it is not for you, you can def walk alone, walk with your children, with your dog, whatever...times have changed, you can do anything...your wedding so enjoy

I'm a feminist and an only child of 3 parents (dad, mom, and bio dad). I do not have a fabulous relationship with my parents and REALLY hate the 'giving away' tradition along with most wedding traditions. I knew it was going to cause A LOT of shit if I chose a dad or chose not to walk with anyone...So I'm having my mom walk me instead. I still don't love the idea but of all of the hills that come up in wedding planning, that was not the one to die on.

Have both of your parents escort you?,

I have a great relationship with both of my parents (and had a religious ceremony), so I don't know how relevant my advice is, but:

I walked down the aisle by myself in front of my parents, and at the end of it, turned around and gave them a kiss, and then walked up to meet H. Originally, I had planned to walk with both of them, but the aisle wasn't big enough, so we improvised!

There was no "giving away" of the bride anywhere in our ceremony--not even mentioned once. I told our officiant I didn't want it, and she looked at me like "Um...duh, of course not." (She's a dear friend of our family's and knows both H and me very well.) After I walked up to meet H, she greeted the congregation, we did the Passing of the Peace with everyone, and then sat down for the readings.

I don't have any family--well, an elderly aunt who may deign to come and complain about everything (she's a serious pill), and my niece, who is in the bridal party, but otherwise everyone I was ever close to has passed away--so I will be walking on my own through a little garden adjacent to the ceremony site, then pause at the foot of the aisle and FH will come to get me. We will walk together the rest of the way, essentially entering our marriage together.

If your mom is footing the bill, just suck it up and have your dad walk you down the aisle. I wanted to walk down by myself (my father and I are not close) but I relented because I might have regretted down the road. Plus I'm his eldest and the first to get married so although he wasn't really there for me, I'm doing this more as a favor to my aunt and my mother

I totally hear you. If you want to compromise for your mother, why not change the wording? I can't come up with something off the top of my head, but remove the "giving away" notion entirely. Don't include those words in the ceremony. Maybe even say nothing and if your mother is determined just do the walk and leave it at that.

It's super unfortunate she doesn't understand AND you don't have a good relationship with your dad.

ETA: If a feminist friend were to question it, a logical explanation of a compromise for your mother would be reasonable in my mind.

I thought about not being walked down the aisle at all, but I'm doing it for my father. Both my parents are walking me down the aisle, but there will be no mention of giving me away.

I'm no having anyone walk me down the aisle. My mom was hurt, but I'm a feminist and furthermore my relationship with my family is not one where I would take their horror into consideration over my own values so I will be walking myself down the aisle.