Feminist Bride

Google my friend.

Eta: off hand, no. I'm somewhat feminist and I was just saying that I will NOT say Obey, ever, in my vows. You can just take them out. and nobody has to give away the bride. Just find a ceremony style you like and cut the patriarchal shit, that's my total advice. Or google.

Bump during the day when Celia is active. She always has wonderful cerimony ideas.

There are vendors on here who will have a ton of suggestions.

I won't have anything that says "obey" in my vows. Also, my mom is walking me down the aisle because she raised me alone and it means something to me. No one will say "who gives this woman away" because it makes me uncomfortable. You can definitely pull it off without including anything you don't agree with.

ETA: everyone has different ideas about what they want said at their ceremony and different reasons for why the decide whatever they decide. I'm sure whatever you request won't be a first for whoever marries you.

Write your own vows?

Who gives this woman away is me! I chose this and I'm in charge of my body, as it is not property belonging to my father to be given to a proper suitor.

Also Kate Middleton didn't say obey either!

Check out The Knot's "Guide To Wedding Vows And Traditions". There's a great list of modern, more feminist wedding vows in there and ceremony ideas. I normally don't recommend books like this but it truly is an excellent resource.

http://www.amazon.com/Guide-Wedding-Traditions-Revised-Edition/dp/0770433790

And we are adding - you may now kiss each other

Most religious vows don't have "obey" in them any more, and our service didn't have anything about giving the bride away (although my Dad did walk me down the aisle). Here's the text of our actual marriage services minus the greeting, reading etc etc:

Consent

Priest: N, will you give yourself to N to be her husband, to live with her according to God’s word? Will you love her, comfort her, honour and protect her, and, forsaking all others, be faithful to her so long as you both shall live?

Response: I will.

Priest: N, will you give yourself to N to be his wife, to live with him according to God’s word? Will you love him, comfort him, honour and protect him, and, forsaking all others, be faithful to him so long as you both shall live?

Response: I will.

Priest: Families and friends, you are witnesses to these vows. Will you do everything in your power to uphold N and N in their marriage.

Congregation: We will.

–

Exchange of Vows

Bridegroom:

I, N, in the presence of God, take you, N, to be my wife:

to have and to hold from this day forward,

for better, for worse, for richer, for poorer,

in sickness and in health, to love and to cherish,

so long as we both shall live. All this I vow and promise.

Bride:

I, N, in the presence of God,

take you, N, to be my husband;

to have and to hold from this day forward,

for better, for worse, for richer, for poorer,

in sickness and in health, to love and to cherish,

so long as we both shall live. All this I vow and promise.

–

The Blessing of the Rings

The priest prays over the rings.

–

The Giving and Receiving of Rings

Bridegroom and Bride say to each other:

I give you this ring as a symbol of our marriage

With all that I am and all that I have

I honour you; in the name of God. Amen

I receive this ring as a symbol of your love and faithfulness

to the end of our days.

–

Declaration of Marriage and Blessing

The priest declares the couple to be married and prays God’s blessing upon them.

Most churches won't let you alter the service - that wording is the standard Australian Anglican service.

Taking out 'obey' was the first thing I did!

I don't ask who gives this woman in marriage. Instead I ask who represents her (and his) family.

And I say, "You may now kiss."

I also don't ask if anyone objects, because there is always a 'comedian' in the crowd.

Find a good officiant and they can help you with this part. When you are meeting with potential officiants I would absolutely ask them about this; if they don't have a good answer move on to the next one.

Is your father walking you down the aisle? Instead of asking who gives this woman away, the officiant can always ask who supports this woman as she joins hands in matrimony?

Definitely work with your officiant on this. We made it very clear to our officiant that there would be no "be submissive to your husband" or anything else along those lines in the ceremony. My dad walked me down the aisle but then my H just took it from there - there were no words exchanged about "who gives this woman" (I give myself, damn it!). I would also recommend looking into writing your own vows. This way you can say exactly what you are committing to the marriage, without bringing in traditional script.

We included the traditional vows but took out "obey" as well as the "to have" in 'to have and to hold'.

It was actually my husbands idea which I thought was sweet!

Instead we said "to love and to cherish". If you still want them to be traditional,you can keep the vows almost the same and just change a couple of key words.

While our ceremony has a lot of traditional elements, I am not being "given away" (walking alone), not being asked "who gives this woman", not saying obey, and pronouncement is husband and wife, not man and wife.

As pp have said, there are many ways to make a ceremony your own. Do an internet search for wedding ceremonies and see what works for you.

I don't think what you're asking for is all that unique. Shouldn't have any problem having your officiant come up with something!

Kimi, I also do Husband and Wife. If she's going to be married, so is he!

We just switched up a few words. It wasn't too difficult. No one uses "obey" anymore! we also used "Husband and Wife" because "Man and Wife" is the worst. We both promised the same things, became married, the end! You don't have to have anyone "give you away" either. I still had my dad walk me down the aisle and I gave him a hug at his seat.

Definitely work with an officiant who shares your same ideas. We found ours via vendor tab here. Met with her and discussed our ideas/beliefs and she had a lot of various wording suggestions, ideas, etc. We're still going through everything.

Thank you all! I'm going to take it all into consideration.

For those of you that offered to share your ceremony scripts, Elphaba and JessRSJ, I'd really appreciate it! Jess if it's bilingual in Spanish that would be great because a lot of his family do not speak/understand English