Feminist Bride

Like PPs, most religious ceremonies will give you vow options. I haven't seen the word "obey" in our options and we're getting married in a conservative Catholic church. If you are having someone walk you down the aisle, consider it an escort. My dad is pretty elderly and I don't think he can physically make it. My brother is going to walk me 3/4 of the way and then my dad will walk me the rest. We're going to have our priest ask some sort of "who gives this woman away" question. Not tied to those words per se, but I want my dad to have more of a moment than just walking me a couple of yards.

Definitely work with an experienced officiant who shares your worldview if at all possible. Ours is an amazing feminist and activist, and the 3 script templates she sent us have me tearing up every time I read them. No patriarchal BS in sight.

Remember that YOU are in control of a lot of these so-called traditions. Think the bouquet and garter toss is sexist as hell and creepy? Don't do it! Feel gross being given away by a guy? Walk yourself down the aisle, or do it with a female mentor/relative! etc etc.

Our officiant has been a huge help with this. We're using things like "love and support each other"

Hey there! I wrote the vows for our wedding and they are gender neutral because I am transgender (nonbinary) and also because FP and I are both non-religious. I would talk to your officiant about it and think about what's important to you in your vows and what you don't want and then work with them on it.

I had a traditional Catholic wedding and we didn't have the word "obey" anywhere in our ceremony. It was more of a struggle to find Bible readings that weren't offensive to me than it was for the vows. We also didn't have the "who gives this woman away" (though my mom did walk me down the aisle) and did "now share your first kiss as husband and wife" instead of "you may now kiss the bride." While a lot of the traditions are rooted in some pretty awful history, the words most ceremonies use today are much better, IMO.

Instead of give away my parents (together) will be asked if they will support our marriage when we need it the most and accept future husband as there own son.

and "obey" will be replaced with "respect".

Talk to your officiant. They will tailor the ceremony to your preferences.

I don't do a 'giving away", I do more of a 'who supports their child" thing. That is a moment

We've never used obey, the Biblical readings we use are not ones that talk about submission.

Husband and Wife, not Man and Wife (my gay couples generally don't use husband/husband or wife/wife, but it's their choice....)

Some couples want to kiss each other, some still want, "You may kiss your bride"

A good officiant should be able to create a script that incorporates inclusive language in a joyous, celebratory service. It should focus on what your marriage IS, not what is ISN'T.

As for the bilingual element, I usually start with a Pablo Neruda reading, in both languages, and my couples will often repeat their vows in both. Doing the entire thing in two languages is too disjointed and makes if very long.

For clergy, try the Unitarian Universalists and the United Church of Christ.

@elphaba please share? Don't know if you're on the FB page but I'd love some inspiration and yours sounds perfect.

Wow, people still say 'obey' in their vows? I read _Little House on the Prairie_ a million times as a kid, and Laura, in 1890-ish, refused to say it! Some things are slow to change....

We had a religious ceremony (very traditional-Jewish) and no one was "given away" , and there were no words of "obey" ...

I don't even consider myself feminist. I believe a man and woman ARE different and do play different roles, but neither one are "better" than other, just different.

I don't believe in that "men and woman should be equal crap".

Just take a ceremony you like and alter it as you see fit.

For instance, a traditional Jewish ceremony starts with the bride circling the groom seven times, so instead, I walked three circles around her, she walked three circles around me, and we walked the last circle together. We also had W break the glass for extra feminist points -- it meant more to her than to me so why should I be the one to break it?

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