Feeling Hurt

F5

So curious lol F5

Oh man...delaying my lunch...

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Well a few days after the deposits are made my sister gets a save the date for a wedding. Her husband is good friends with the groom. The bride did some of the bridal parties hair for my sisters wedding last year but I don't believe they hangout outside of their significant others. So of course I understand there is a conflict. My suggestion was to go to the wedding (4:30 ceremony) and a bit of the reception then meet up with us. She then proceeds to give me this long list of why she has to go to this wedding (I never said not to). Her Husband got a hotel room, its a barn wedding and she wants to compare it to her barn wedding last year, this girl did our makeup, etc. She tells me today that she has come to a decision. She is going to get her and makeup done and head to the wedding. The hair and makeup isn't even really part of the party. Its just my sisters and I earlier that day (1:00). The party starts with dinner at 6:30. When I tell her that it's a little messed up that I feel she is picking an acquaintance over me she says this girl was there for her wedding and if she has a hotel room shes staying in it.

Rewind to last year when I was her MOH. I did a crazy amount of work. I found a lot of her vendors for her. I was a primary contact for a lot of the information to deflect stress. I threw her bridal shower and her bachlorette party (a weekend at a mountain resort). So does me being there for her not count? Again I didn't say don't go. Just try and split the time. I'm just really hurt by all of it.

I don't think you're supposed to plan your own bachelorette party.

Sorry I didn't see the update. I understand that you are hurt. I would be very hurt if she already said she would come but then decided to attend something else. BUT you honestly have to let it go. My friend was in a similar situation during her wedding. One of the bridesmaids who helped plan the entire bachelorette party decided not to attend so she could go out of town with her new boyfriend to attend a wedding he was invited to. My friend was BEYOND pissed because she chose a stranger's wedding over her bachelorette party. She decided to let her bridesmaid know she was hurt but it was ultimately the bridesmaid's decision what she did and she would never hold it against her. The bridesmaid picked the other person's wedding and the bride just let it go. She had an awesome bachelorette party that we still talk about to this day and her bridesmaid admitted she wished she would have gone. Her and the guy are no longer together and she will never see that bride and groom. You can't force someone to do something but they will have to live with the consequences. Just do you and you'll have a great time!

No Lauren, you are not supposed to.

Shit comes up, go with the others. Her loss.

This must be very frustrating for you, but unfortunately some people cannot see outside of themselves. Perhaps, talk to her about your feelings?

So... you insist on planning your own bachelorette party and you're upset that your sister feels obligated to go to a friend's wedding instead? If the tables were turned how would you feel if somebody missed your wedding to go to a bachelorette party? I get that it's disappointing but this really doesn't sound like she was trying to hurt you and I don't think it's unreasonable to miss a bachelorette party for an actual wedding.

This goes back to another post of earlier today...when you compare what you do/did/would do to someone else's actions or words, there's bound to be trouble.

Yes you will get flack. To use your phrase, it's a little messed up to plan your own bach party.

Move forward and enjoy it without her and be gracious when she's there. It will make your wedding so much more enjoyable

I totally understand why you're hurt! It stinks your sister sees this differently than you do, but there really isn't much you can do. How far away is this other wedding? Could they cancel their hotel room and still let her come to your party?

I get why you're hurt. But, I think the best thing you can do is focus on the people who are coming and have a great time at your party.

@Botty, I might agree with you if we were talking about friends/acquaintances. But, I would absolutely be hurt if my sister chose a wedding over my bachelorette. I wouldn't do anything about it, but I would be hurt.

I understand why your feelings are hurt. However, and this may sound harsh, you kind of brought this on yourself. You didn't HAVE to do all those other things for her, and shouldn't expect it to be tit for tat. You sound like you need control over a lot of things (planning stuff for her wedding and taking over your own bach party), and it's not going your way. Have fun with everyone else, and your sister will be the one missing out!

I think you're being a little petty. Like, "Oh, I did all this stuff for you so you should do all this stuff for me." Except that you don't let her do things for you -- you insisted on planning your own party. You don't own your sister or her time. You still get to spend time with her during your trial. As much as it might feel like it, this isn't the end of the world. You can still have a good time without her. Don't let this come between the two of you. Act like an adult.

ETA: forgot a word

Honestly I can see her reasoning. Its someones wedding and just your bachelorette party.

If I were you though I would be really upset. I don't know if you should say anything to her about it since you guys already discussed it (I would probably yell and be a brat LOL but its not the right thing to do). She's an adult and while it sucks that your sister would miss something so important to you, she gets to make her own choices. It sucks that you were 100% there for her and she isn't there for you and your feelings are totally valid but she is going to be there on your wedding day and years from now, I doubt it will really matter much if she was at your bachelorette party. It's just a party. Though, it would have been nice for her to compromise with you as you had suggested. Oh well, don't sweat the small stuff girl!

I think you have a right to feel hurt.... you have your plans set. My siblings (including my sibs in law) would always come first for me. If I was your sis, I'd decline the wedding without a second thought (but hubs could go if he wanted). You put a lot into her wedding, and I'm sure you had social engagements you probably skipped for her. Plus bride will probably hardly notice her absence, since they aren't super close. Is your sis the kind of girl like doesn't like doing things separately from her husband?

But oh well, go without her and have a great time!

It's not like she's skipping out on your wedding! I'm sure you are disappointed but you will still have fun without her there. Let's not forget that her husband probably has a lot of say in this as well and she wants to spend that time with him I'm sure.

In regards to the planning my own party - it was kind of collaborative with the MOH. My one sister is much older and said "I will do whatever you would like but I'm not sure what is cool". So while I booked the hair appointments they made reservations and such.

@Botty - Personally I place a lot of importance on my sisters. They are my best friends. So if a friend came to me and said I will only be at your ceremony because my sister is having a bachlorette party I would totally be fine with it. Like I said I didnt say dont go. I suggested she go to the ceremony and a few hours of the reception then meet us.

@Lauren - Im not saying its tit for tat. I never expected it to be. What I do for others is because I care for them and want to do it. The only reason those items were included is because she said this bride was there for her for her wedding by doing a few bridesmaids hair (which she paid her to do). I just saw it as an unequal view.

Really, it's okay to be hurt about it. At the same time, I think you should take some time to sort through the emotion and then be logical about the situation. She made a decision to go to the wedding instead. So, wish her a fun time and worry about having fun yourself. You planned a good time for yourself and anyone else attending, so may as well make the most of it right?

You'll still get to see her when you all have your hair and makeup done. And then she will go to the wedding she feels she needs to be at. Meanwhile, you can enjoy the company of the girls who will be at your bachelorette party!