feeling depressed because I'm not a "real bride"

I am with AllisaurusRex. It would be nice to have all that and I hope (:-)) some folks feel that way and bring a gift, because I will be more than happy to accept. But that's not what this is about. It's about celebrating. Our first year of marriage (or several years) was a struggle in so many ways and I can honestly say that after 8 years, we are really in such a better place and we really just want to celebrate all of this with everyone, especially my family who couldn't be here for our original (extremely small) wedding. To be honest with you, I think my family is more excited about this than me. My sister and sister in law (MOHs) are helping so much with the planning, it is a blessing. My mother is acting like the mother of the bride she should have been 8 years ago (including extending my guest list by 70 people, lol) and since I didn't think it would be right for my dad to walk me down the asile, he is co-officiating with my husband's uncle, who originally married us.

But your wedding and plans are different and should be. Make your ceremony and reception about you (and your hubby, of course!). This isn't about everyone else. And seriously, talk to your people, especially your sister who is supposed to be your MOH. I am sure she loves you and if you really explain things to her, what this means to you, she should be happy to help out.You should be excited everyday up until that big day, I know I am!

Honey you are totally a bride. I am in the same boat you are. I got married in February 2010. We were originally planning on having a huge wedding then but my step father was dying so we just had the court house ceremony. Now two days before our 3rd anniversary we are having our wedding. We are doing it for a few reasons. We are doing it because we never had a wedding and because we were never married before God in a church. And also my church requires that we are married in the church. I have gone through the same feelings before but the truth is that I have learned just to let it go and love my day. I am even wearing a white dress. The women here are so loving and accepting and non-judgmental it makes all this planning so much easier.

Arzel, you are so right! I once was looking online for examples of vow renewal ceremony wordings, and stumbled upon a post on another not-so-nice board (we all know the one..) from a bride in almost the exact situation as me, and people were SO RUDE!! They were like "This is stupid. You are already married. You don't get to have the wedding, you don't get to wear a white dress, you don't get the cake. You already got your wedding, sucks for you if it wasn't good enough." And I'm not even exaggerating, that's almost EXACTLY what they said. I felt so bad for the girl because it hurt MY feelings reading it!! That was the first and only time I've ever been to that board and I will never go back.

Yeah I have had the same problem. It came to the point where on some boards I was simply pretending that I wasn't already married because I was getting so much crap for it but I felt like such a liar.

When it comes to the ceremony for me in my church we are just having a normal nuptial mass but the word for what we are having is called a "Convalidation Ceremony" I have had a TON of people tell me that I am not allowed to wear white, that I can't have a reception ect ect. Then I went and talked to my Priest and he said we can have it as much like a real wedding as we want. We are even just going to call it a wedding on our invites. We are not registering, not because we think its wrong but just because we don't need anything. If people want to get us a gift we are going to tell them either gift cards or a nice bottle of wine. I am not having a bridal shower but I am having a bridal party tea lunchon (because I have always wanted to have one lol) I am having a bachlorette party

You are ABSOLUTELY a "real bride"..if there is no one that is happy for you we are! you go on and continue to plan your wedding like you want and as others said exchange vows...get your closest friend (s) that is happy as you are adn PLAN..we are almost date twins..

Thanks soontobemrsdashiell! that's going to be a good weekend!

Arzel, I have a two year old too so I'm sure plenty of people think I shouldn't wear white but I am wearing a "diamond white" dress. I just don't look good in ivory

On our website, I just called it our "wedding re-do" and here is our invite:

EdieKristen,

You are a real bride. It's like being a second time mother. Just because you have "been there, done that" with a previous pregancy doesn't mean you don't get to celebrate a second pregancy.

And just because you are already married sans wedding doesn't mean you can't celebrate the wedding now.

Arzel,

DH and I are also having a convalidation ceremony. And we have been married 10 years already. I was previously married and divorced, and didn't have an annulment so we were married by a JP on 5/15/2002.

I recently (July) received my Decree of Nullity, and we are to be married in church on 12/15/2012. I'm so excited to be married in the eyes of God and to be able to fully celebrate and participate in my faith.

We are having a small wedding, but a wedding none the less. Dress, flowers, wedding shoes, his kilt, cake, the whole she-bang. And I can't wait.

Omg girl you absolutely are a real bride!! A close friend of mine JUST did something really similar in August. She and her hubby got married 4 YEARS ago in Vegas because 1, they couldn't afford the wedding and 2, she and all her family are from Germany and they couldn't fly everyone over and her family couldn't afford it. So they saved and saved and they did EVERYTHING, like he got down on his knee and proposed with a new ring. They did everything from that to bridal showers to the bachelorette party and everyone was involved and she certainly was a real bride! And so are you!!

That is awesome Michele! I wasn't a member of the church when I got married even though I was raised in the faith. I came back to the church about a year ago. Its nice to see others in the same boat. I am so glad to be on this site and in such a wonder community of loving supportive people

Thank you for this post. My husband and I always planned to have a wedding a year after our courthouse nuptials. I was googling ideas when I came across several boards that looked down on the idea of having a wedding after the couthouse. It made me feel so bad that I considered cancelling the whole thing. My husband and friends were all like WTF!! your're crazy, dont change the plans and being from real life support made the virtual disapproval seem so outlandish. So I want ot say to you congratulations on your courthouse nuptials and the wedding and I wish you and your family the best. You are definitely a real bride... Perception is reality...

Peace!