feeling depressed because I'm not a "real bride"

I feel like I can't/shouldn't have a bridal shower, bachelorette party, or any of the other stuff I always dreamed of having, because it would just be contrived. They can't accounce us as the new Mr & Mrs Patrick, because we'll have been married over a year. Our first dance isn't really our first. And even though I want all of these things so badly, and we are planning to do everything like a "real" wedding (even the ceremony, though it will be a vow renewal) I just don't feel like I "deserve" them and I feel like people are going to be thinking it's all just silly and our wedding day isn't going to be as special as everyone elses'.

I think I started to think of it a lot because during the planning of my best friend's wedding, I got to experience all of these things and see how excited her bridal party, friends, and family were and I am not feeling ANY of that for our wedding. I can barely get my girls to go pick out bridesmaid dresses, much less help me with ANYTHING.

I feel like if I even wanted to have a bachelorette party I'd have to plan it for myself because my MOH/sister sure as hell isn't going to do it, I can't even get her to talk about wedding stuff with me, she just changes the subject all the time (and I very rarely talk wedding stuff).

Maybe I'm just stressed and frustrated. I don't know. Has anyone else here been in a similar situation? Do you feel like the fact that you were already married took away from your "wedding"?

Honey, you are absolutely a real bride. One of my friend and her husband were legally married for 4 years before they got married again. There are no rules to how this works. Just because you were married in a courthouse a year ago does not mean you can't have the wedding you dreamt about. You got married a year ago, you didn't have a wedding a year ago. You can have a shower and a bachelorette because there is absolutely no reason why you don't deserve it.

I'm sorry your friends aren't being helpful. Maybe you can sit them down and explain them how bad it's making you feel and that you wish they would be more helpful in planning a very huge day for you.

Don't worry, you absolutely deserve to have this wedding and all that comes with it. Best of luck to you!

I think you should still have everything sorry your wedding party isn't excited for you

I think what you're feeling is valid. unfortunately, there are some things that are different due to being married already. I hope you feel better soon.

I’m so sorry you don’t feel like a real bride because you certainly are do deserve the wedding of your dreams. My best friend was married at the courthouse, it was right after 9/11 and her fiancé was in the military so they wanted to make sure that if he was deployed she had all the privileges/rights as a military spouse. They were married in February but their actual wedding was in July. To be honest most of us sort of forgot they were already married and went about planning and celebrating their actual wedding. She still had a shower and bach party and it really felt no different. Don’t let this get you down!

That sucks :/ You should sit down and talk to your MOH and the other people close to you and explain how you're feeling. I agree with the other ladies. There is no reason you're not a "real bride", and no reason why you don't deserve or shouldn't have any of the pre-wedding celebrations!

You are a "real" bride. You really shouldn't let other people's view rule what you do, you'll be very unhappy if you do so.

Many people here, who got married for the first time and threw a reception still had unhelpful firends/family members/ all kinds of incredible, dramatic situations occur.

Your wedding is truly what you make of it, and a positive attitude towards it helps. If you already feel like your wedding isn't going to be as special as everyone's else's then you're in the wrong frame of mind.

In your ceremony you can exchange vows & rings and it will be meaninful.

If you're getting no cooperation/enthusiasm from family & friends, skip having a wedding party. Since you're already legally married, you don't really require "witnesses." You don't have to have a bachelorette party -- you are already married. If you want to register for gifts, that's fine -- but you may not need them if you've already "set up housekeeping" as my G'ma called it.

Maybe think of it as a Vow renewal...a wedding isn't just about "getting married". It's also about the celebration of life and the love you have for each other.

I'm so sorry you're feeling this way, EdieKristen. You absolutely have every right to feel the sameexcitement abd antcipation as every other bride. The wedding is a celebration of your relationship and commitment to each other; the fact that you have been married since September is even more reason to celebrate, in my opinion. And kudos to you for making the decision to postpone the big wedding until you could afford it. A lot of people would have just gone into debt, but you made a fiscally responsible decision.

I'm sorry your friends and family aren't as enthused as you would like. Try to focus on the love you share with your husband, especially when you're feeling disheartened. Hugs to you!!!

I agree with Caitlin, maybe it should be more thought of as a vow renewal. You may not call it a bridal shower but instead have like a jack and jill (co ed shower, not the fund raising kind). or instead of calling it a bachelorette party call it a hen party (same thing different name). Just re-name them to be a little more fun and not so "traditional"

You can still have the parties and celebrate, just call them different things.

One thing I have come to realize after being married for nearly 8 years, is that getting married wasn't about the pomp and circumstance of a wedding and all the pre-wedding things that we think we need...it was about me marrying my best friend and the love of my life and officially saying to the world: This man is mine and I will spend the rest of my life with him!

Having said that, We didn't have a big wedding or the wedding of my dreams. There wasn't a bachlerette party, no one threw me a bridal shower, I didn't even wear my "wedding dress" because my family wasn't there and I wanted to do it "the right way" a year later. Well, that never happened, but 8 years later, we are renewing our vows and celebrating all of the wonderful things that have been bestowed on our lives these past years.

No, there won't be a bachlerette party (I'm not a bachlerette, I'm a wife, that wouldn't be right). My father won't be able to give me away because I'm already "taken", but what we (con't)

"wife/brides" have to remeber is that this is a time to celebrate our love! That is what the wedding is about. Forget about everyone and everything else. Only you and your hubby matter.

And yes, it probably is a good idea to sit down with yuor bridal party and sister and explain to them how you feel, how they are making you feel and why you are doing this. And if they can't get on board, maybe you should consider shrinking your party. It doesn't matter what your doing, your bridal party is supposed to support you and build you up, not tear you down!

Don't feel bad I am not legally married to my fiance and no one seems excited or helps me plan so it's not just you. You are a "real bride" just because you had the civil ceremony doesn't mean you had a "wedding" those are two totally different things and you absolutley deserve the day of your dreams. Happy planning~ oh and btw congratualtions! I think you two did it the smart way.

We are kind of in the same boat as Mary. I was 8.5 months pregnant when we did the courthouse deal, and we had planned to have a "wedding" the following year which, of course, never happened. We are now planning a vow renewal for our 5 year anniversary. Like you, though, I also swing back and forth between being excited and feeling like I'm being silly. I can honestly say that I do wish we had waited and just done it the traditional way, but seeing as what's done is done, there is nothing to do but move forward and make the best out of the situation we're in now. And I understand what you mean about other people not being excited for you. I think people who haven't been there don't really understand what all the fuss is about. The way they see it, the whole point of a wedding is to get married, and since you've done that, what's the point? If you haven't discussed with them how much this celebration means to you, you should. Doing just that has helped some of my family come around.

Thank you everyone I knew I could count on you all to cheer me up.

We actually have been thinking of it as a vow renewal.. I mean, in my eyes it is my wedding, but I'm not going to pretend like we aren't married (even though I wish I could sometimes). We are going to have a ceremony because I've always wanted to have my dad walk me down the aisle, and he will (just not "give me away") and the ceremony will be performed by our very good friend and will include the words "vow renewal". I was thinking of even having him say at the end, something along the lines of pronouncing us husband and wife "officially" for the first time in front of our loved ones. That's a good idea about changing the name of the bridal shower/ bachelorette party... I'll have to think on that some more!

I really am very excited about it, and I know we did what was best for us by waiting instead of going in to debt, it's just hard sometimes. But you're right.. Making it through a year of marriage (and a difficult year, at that!) is sometimes more of a cause for celebration than getting married in the first place, since some people don't even make it that far! And you're right Allisaurus Rex... I think a lot of people just don't get it how important it is to some! I just know if I don't have the wedding, and the photographs, and the dress.. I wil regret it the rest of my life. Even though it's really all just about the fact that we're married and that's all that matters.. It's just something that I've always wanted.

And for what it's worth, we aren't having a bridal party at all. I didn't see the point of having one, and think it will be more romantic with just me and my man up there. Less stuff to stress over anyway. We are also not having a shower or bachelor/bachelorette parties, and we aren't registering for gifts. Yeah, those things would be great, but I wouldn't feel right about it, plus not doing them really shows your family/friends/bridal party that your intentions have nothing to do with any of those things, and everything to do with the love you and your husband share.

Not having the photos is the biggest regret for me. We are totally splurging on a fabulous photographer to make up for it!