Feeling alone in getting things together

I understand you! I created a group chat with my sister in Laws and favorite girl cousin since I won’t have a bridal party. It has helped me feel like I have a team. If you live in the 5 boroughs of NY we should create meet ups so other brides to be won’t feel so out of it

Your fiancé is the only one responsible for helping you.


At first, my hubby said a wedding is “the bride’s day” and to do anything I wanted. Feeling sad and alone, I told him I wanted his help planning our wedding story/celebration. So, over a bottle of wine we brainstormed ideas and from then on we were 50/50 partners. It could really help to ask for your fiancé’s help and then figure out which areas might interest him (guys are usually more into music, drinks & food, not so much into decor).

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My situation is the same as yours. I say if you want it then go for it. I know we would like for everyone to support and help but for some brides we want a special day that our partner may not share. If your partner is not feeling it then it will be hard to get him interested. My FH is doing an elopement ceremony because ultimately I want to wear a dress and have pictures rather than just go to a courthouse so I know it will be on me to plan it. Each bride is different but I do not let that bother me but I am a type A planner anyhow. I want to look back at the pics at us and think that we had a special day and it was somewhat how I wanted even if I did compromise on some aspects for him (would like a small intimate wedding but he wants it to be us 2 only). I guess I do not mind it because ultimately it is what I want. I am not sure if this is encouraging at all but I guess I am trying to say that if you have a vision for your perfect day then do not throw in the towel. It is stressful I know but I think when it happens and you can look back on that day it will be worth it. I think it would be worse to plan something that is nothing like how you want it. Maybe just scale things down if it is becoming too overwhelming? Hope you do not give up. Plan the day you have wanted.

I felt that way in the beginning because we were a year out from our wedding and nobody felt like things should be done yet (especially my FH he was the worst because I was super excited and I knew vendor's book up a year out and I felt if we didn't book them then our date would be book & we would miss out on great vendors.
I then started to go ahead and met with vendors and hired them behind my FH back (he hated but I felt he had no interest yet since we we're still a year out from our wedding). Since then he's very much involved because he knows I will just go & book the vendors I want and he'll have to deal.
So I definitely can relate girl. Nobody gets more excited than a Bride 2 Be👰🤗😁😍Grooms aren't really excited till it gets closer unless you're lucky and you got one that's gotta be involved in every big and small detail.
And family members ate the same way unless they're dropping some💰on your wedding then obviously, they want to be involved in knowing where their money is going to & how much it'll be.
Relax, and just do it yourself and drink lots of 🍷

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Glad to know I am not the only one wanting to plan now. He is like we have time and we are doing a destination. I am like no we do not lol. He has told me he really does not care and I am at the point of just planning what I want and telling him buy his plane ticket and a suit LOL. I am that type to just plan and book what I want ha ha. But I know then he would be annoyed. Same thing...asked me what kind of ring and I wanted him to make the final decision but showed him what I like...said at first he did not care but then had all these opinions and did not want a real diamond because of blood diamonds etc...LOL

View Quoted Comment I am but and he is to but he left it up all me he just keep sayimg ok that's fine

I had the same feeling that you're having now during my beginning stages of planning. I'm very organized and like having everything planned out, and I wanted everything on a timeline. I did a majority of the planning on my own. I did the bigger things with my FH and the smaller things on my own. Recently, within the last month, I have been asked by numerous people (and all members of our bridal party), if there's anything they can do to help out. People will most likely start offering to help as the day gets closer, but unfortunately not everyone wants to help or is able to help.

View Quoted Comment I’m so sorry you’re getting no support at all. I would feel the same. What’s the point?

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I know you are frustrated and it is stressful but just think about how you feeling marrying him on the day the way you wanted. I hope you keep going and do not let those things make you feel down.

Lol yea! It’s been pretty much my fiancé and I planning the whole thing. In the beginning, I was upset that no one was really offering or at least ask to see if we needed anything. At the end of the day, I’d rather not have so many opinions or suggestions like I wanted in the beginning. I’d rather do it myself now how my fiancé and I want. I hope this helps!

Thank you everyone for your input. I was really hoping for many fun times with my maid of honor and bridesmaids. I’ve begun to feel as though I’m burdening them. I will take your advice and just rely on my FH for any input and decisions. It’ll make things less stressful I’m sure.

I hate all wedding planning. Period.

I can relate to you 100%. My fiancé lives in another city right now. I am doing most of the planning and meeting vendors without him. He does help when he can. My sister the maid of honor is to busy to help and my other bridesmaids live out of state and want to help but can’t. My mom has been a huge help with everything. But when we have the time to plan it’s after work and we are both tired. It wouldn’t hurt to ask for help from family or friends. Just know you are not the only one feeling alone in all this, at the end you have your wedding day to enjoy.
Good luck with everything.

View Quoted Comment Thank you.

I was certainly in that slump just a few days ago. I have a few that are excited, but they are far away & I too am like you where I want to be ahead of the schedule. I did gather a few of them for dress shopping this past weekend & I could tell they are leaving things totally up to me. I’ve certainly been more hands on in others events like baby showers & weddings, but in my group of friends...I AM the planner & everyone looks to me for everything. I had to put that in perspective because I know they feel I got it, plus I’m ahead of things. I too think that things will be come more real for them as you get closer. Hang in there & if it’s really bothering you, you may need to just ask them for help

I’m doing everything myself as well but, kind of prefer it that way. Trust me, all of the “additional” opinions on every decision can cause you to doubt what you want. Yes, folks are slow to get fitted. I think it’s because our day is not a #1 priority for anyone except the bride and groom. I would tell them how you feel. It may make a difference! 😄

I 100% know this feeling! You are definitely not alone in it. (We're getting married in the same month, so the holiday/count down is real!) Second, here are some thoughts and tactical ways I've dealt with this feeling:

One thing I realized recently is that none of my bridesmaids are engaged/have been married; none of them I think realize what the stress level is like and the myriad of decisions, so they don't know how to offer or to just step in and do things. Mine also mostly live further away from me, so it's not like they see me on a regular basis having tiny emotional meltdowns haha. One thing I have been doing that is helpful is that I ask concrete, time-bound, specific asks -- like one bridesmaid who is good at partying, I asked her to help review my DJ options (only my top 3). My co-maids of honor are planning the bachelorette party and it helps they have someone else to coordinate with.

With my parents and my fiance, I do the same technique but with bigger projects and over longer times. My fiance' from the get-go really wanted to be involved, but his changing work and travel schedule has completely thrown off his ability to engage. So instead, I essentially give him list of weekly homework assignments via email (not the sexiest thing but it works), and he can get things done and feel like he can weigh in. The important thing with him I've realized is that he hasn't been thinking about a decision point for months (ex: guest book), so it's unfair of me to go "HEY! these are the 3 guest book options what do you think can you tell me right now?" I try to build in buffer so that way I'm still getting a useful perspective from him, and we both still feels like he's involved and taking it seriously. My mom is definitely the most helpful in that she has the most time and the most willpower to help, but that has boundaries and balances too as we figure out the right way for me to lead and to assign her tasks. I think the most helpful thing with her is to let her know clearly when "Mom, I've got this, I just need your 10 minute opinion on it" versus "Mom, I need a lot of help and I'm about to have a pity party of loneliness about how nobody is helping me and this wedding isn't fun any more."

I'm still working on the personal balance for myself of making the wedding fun. I try to start each planning session with something that personally makes me happy (reviewing a vision board, playing a happy love song, looking at engagement photos to remind me why I'm doing this whole thing lol). There are a lot of days where it just isn't fun and it feels like it's time to elope. I think lately I've been trying to remind myself, what *actually* needs to get done? What do I *really* care about? How do I want to live my life between now and the wedding? And trying to plan where the chips fall so that way I don't hit the wedding and just spend the whole time thinking about the decisions or things that could go wrong, and instead focusing on the things I did that made me really happy -- like "I'm so glad we put up photos there" and "those are my FAVORITE flowers."

Good luck, and congratulations!!! Remember: love.

I've been struggling with asking for help and usually overwhelming myself. this tends to cause me to lash out, usually to my fiance, which he then helps me do something that i have been fretting over. most of my decorations are DYI and will take lots of time for myself, and i always feel like I'm falling behind. one of my bridesmaids is in the middle of her pregnancy and though due before the wedding, she has already stated that she will not be getting a dress until AFTER having the baby, which i'm totally fine with, but there's added anxiety that she won't find something before the wedding. so in short no your not selfish for wanting help or for thinking thinks should be getting done in a timely manner. just inform your party that you have anxiety over deadlines you've created for yourself and you'd like them to pitch in, even just a little.

My sister, my MOH, told me she was pregnant a few months after we got engaged, and I knew that with a little one at home and one on the way she may not be able to help much. I was really hoping she would be able to help more but I knew she would be busy. I ended up sending her a lot of photos and things as I got them for her input and ideas. Even though she wasn't there, it was really nice to get her input.

View Quoted Comment I agree. In the end it is us anyway so why try to get anyone else in on it. Our day our way.