Feeling a little bummed about the bachlorette party...

Anne, I'm sorry you're having such trouble. Who are your bridesmaids? Family or friends? I can't imagine mine doing this, and I know you shouldn't expect a shower/bachelorette- but come on. Realistically that is exactly what I expect from my girls (not to mention I was in the bridal parties for two of their weddings- and helped plan both parties) because we are all so close and I know when it's their time they will expect the same of me. It's really shitty they aren't banding together for you.

One is family, the rest are friends. The family member lives in France, so I know she can't make it for sure. The friends are here local.

Night at a bar. Or a spa. Or a craft class of some sort. Do-able. Four days?

no.

Wow, now I'm bummed too. I don't have any friends, bridesmaids or a "bridal party" and even though my wedding is a ways off, I was planning on sitting at the bar down the street from my house and at least having a drink with one of those glitter bachelorette veil things on to celebrate my last moments of freedom...all by myself. But according to this forum, I'm obviously not entitled to that and it would be in horribly bad taste.

After spending some time in these forums reading about what's appropriate and expected or "normal" I'm starting to wonder how much fun a wedding is actually going to be. I mean isn't it supposed to be a good time? This kind of stuff is just depressing.

@Landora- it's all relative to your situation, if you don't have a bridal party you can still do something.. treat yourself to a manicure or watch a horrible movie with a glass/bottle of wine (which is fabulous, I relish those nights).

And no one is saying your not entitled.. your a GROWN UP do what you want! By all means don't base your life decisions off an online forum!!

Just a quick mention for the guys- I think part of the reason that guys are often more likely to go big at the stag night is because weddings typically cost them less. Let's say you have three weddings to attend together one summer. You likely will have three showers, three Bachelorette parties, and three weddings. The guys (usually) don't have the cost of the showers in there too, so they have more money available for the stag night. That is if you have seperate finances of course.

And if you don't like it here, then feel free to leave. If you want to sit in a bar alone with a glitter bride had on, go for it. Have a pity party or have people stare at you or feel bad for you, whatever. I don't know how your situation relates to the OP since you aren't throwing yourself a four day vacation and expecting your friends to be financially okay with it on top of all the other costs.

I am willing to do something local since people are backing out to at least have a party. But these BMs I know from the past have gone to mini vacations for other bachlorette parties, so I thought they were capable of going away for a few days is all, given their history. Especially one that has been going to New Orleans every year.

That sucks, Anne. I wonder if the cost just got too much or they don't want to spend 4 days drinking or the time just got too much, and they didn't know how to tell you.

I would let them know you're disappointed. And then play things by ear the closer you get. Sometimes I think bachelorette parties are over-rated - I've never enjoyed going to them. Mine was an afternoon tea party rather than an alcohol-fest.

^YESSS... all i want to do is day drink by my parents pool and order pizza.

I think that is the case. I feel like they appreciate others more than me. I feel like my fiances friends appreciate him more than my friends do. I shouldn't compare, but it just... sucks. I mean, really lol

In that case- why did you pick them to be in your bridal party??

Well, I didn't get this impression at the time I picked them. They're my close friends and we've had great times together. I wasn't expecting this.

Eh, things happen. They may still absolutely adore you but for whatever reason can't make it. Everyone has their own lives, and sometimes life gets crazy. Don't cast them out of your life just yet. What if one just had a secret miscarriage, or one's car broke down, or one's boss denied the request lately. Unfortunately for such a lengthy trip, things come up.

For all you know, they are planning a party for you and have ditched your idea since really this is their party to plan. Is that a possibility maybe?

Your wedding isn't until the end of May, give them a chance to actually plan something before get mad at them for not doing it. Most bachelorettes don't happen till a week or so before the actual wedding so they have plenty of time to come up with something on their own.

I think going to New Orleans would be fun but I would also understand if people couldn't make it or afford it. Even though you are paying for the rental car there are lots of expenses that come with partying for 4 days, so unless you plan on paying for everything you have to understand when they say they can't make it (although this should have been worked out sooner than later). As far as them going to destinations for other brides bachelorettes, finances change all the time, don't judge them for that. I guarantee you if you let them you will get a bachelorette, just try to relax a little.

My FBIL is having his bachelor party in New Orleans on St. Patty's weekend. No one lives close to there except one of his GM. FH and I are kinda pissed that not only do we have to spend $800 for him to fly out there for 3 days, but he also has to take off of work, pay for a room, and pay for other activities. We're looking at roughly $1200,but it's better than what fbil first wanted... England. He wanted everyone to go to frickin England for a soccer match. I think having something more local would be very reasonable though. My MOH asked me today what I'd want to do and we came up with have a spa weekend up in North Scottdale (45 minutes away). Just one night at a hotel and a day and a half of scary chemicals being poured on me followed by mud going in places mud shouldn't be lol. Oh and although you're not supposed to plan this yourself, I don't see an issue with getting the ball rolling for something a little more local.

Okay so, being a Florida girl myself, and having my bachelorette in New Orleans at the end of next month, I have a few suggestions"

a) Change the date of your party. The others are right when they say that Feb/March is pretty expensive for New Orleans.

b) Make it Friday-Sunday, like I am. We are all getting there Friday night and leaving Sunday morning

c) see if you can join up with your fiance's thing. Not the greatest option, but if you and one girlfriend can at least stay in the same hotel as them, it would make things easier.

We are having a joint bachelor/bachelorette thing on the same weekend. The boys will have their own rooms and the girls will have their own rooms, but we will be in the same hotel, will probably have dinner together, and might link up during the night at some point. Having a bigger group to split hotel and travel costs helps a lot, and our maid of honor and best man are planning it together.

Just some thoughts.

Don't feel like they don't appreciate you because they are unable to go for a 4 day weekend bachelorette party. I'm sure they still care about you, they just either don't want or can't go to NOLA at the moment. Even if they've done it for themselves, circumstances change. Both of my MOH's got laid off the summer before my wedding and were out of work for MONTHS. The rest of my BP were either out of state or busy with their lives in a different way. Because of this I ended up planning my own bachelorette party in town and kept it low-cost. We went to a nice restaurant that has happy hour and dinner specials every day, so we were each able to drink several drinks and have food and leave for under $20 pp, and then went to a piano bar afterwards. Instead of a hotel we stayed at my house afterwards. I think it is all in your expectation. I didn't expect for the night to be solely focused on me... I really just wanted a fun night out with the girls. I even gave the restaurant and bar my credit card upon arrival so I could make sure I paid for myself as to not be a burden on anyone. In the end it turned out to be really fun, and my MOHs surprised me by having some cute favors for the rest of the girls (they ended up both finding jobs a month and a half before the party) and got me a sash. Just because they aren't planning to go doesn't mean they don't care, they just really might have other stuff going on that is more important.

Get better friends lol. It's not your job to plan your bachelorette party anyway. They should step it up. I'm so sorry it's been a bad experience for you! My sister who recently got married had problems with her bridesmaids as well when it came to that. Maybe that is why I only have a MOH and can't decide on bridesmaids. The less people, the less chaos. Maybe ask your MOH/maids to plan a New Orleans themed getaway night at a hotel closer to you. Or go to Disneyworld or Downtown Disney if you're in Florida!! (Sorry, just had to throw that in there, I am a disney freak who just got engaged at Magic Kingdom.)