Faux Pas or Nah: Asking about the guest list?

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That's a good point, sometimes people could actually just be curious!

I think you need context and tone. I asked a friend if we were going to be invited to their wedding because we were discussing our weddings and she mentioned she might be having a smaller wedding. It was in context of the conversation and when she replied 'Honestly, I'm not sure yet at the moment, we haven't determined yet how many friends we can invite', I reassured her that I completely understood. (We ended up getting an invite)

A random coworker coming up to me and going 'So when's my invite going into the mail?' is super rude.

This is a faux pas, definitely, and I am shocked by how many people do this!!!

Personally I think asking who is invited is fine, it's asking if they can invite someone or why someone is not invited that is taking it too far.

We just ordered our Save the Dates (!). The reality is that my FH has a huge extended family - 85 people if every family member came and everyone over 18 brought a date - and while we only expect half to actually say yes, we can't risk it. At this point, we're not inviting anyone we work with and had to limit our friends to the people we are closest to after being out of high school for 10+ years and out of college for 6. I would never blatantly ask where my invitation was to a wedding, and even had one a few years ago where I was shocked to be invited - we had been semi-close in college but hadn't really stayed in touch! I'm hoping the people we weren't able to invite can extend the same courtesy.

Asking is fine in my opinion. Especially if the person already knows they are invited and doesn't want to mention it to another friend or family member who might not be invited. Telling you that you need to invite so and so is a whole other story.

For sure a faux pas. Things can get reeeeal awkward.

View Quoted Comment Yes, context and tone. And, what they are likely to do with the information. Idle curiosity: You will find out when it happens, unless you have some reason to know. Like when you get an invitation, or afterward if you ask to see my wedding pictures. Who is that beside B and G? Yep, I guess she was invited. Ordinarily, and up til a decade ago, I would say, what's the big secret. They asked, and only the rules. : 1. You do not tell details to anyone not invited unless they inquire, about things they are NOT invited to attend, or 2. You do not tell anyone about any other person who is or is not invited, until that person has received an invitation or been directly told, or has a Save, a note, an email, telling them. . Otherwise, it has never been top secret. But particularly in the last decade, the rampant nastiness, mere thoughtlessness, and mob mentality of people on social media has become a nightmare. Tell someone in confidence, please do not tell anyone, and they figure, who among the 169 people on their Facebook page cannot be trusted with a secret. And in 3 days, garbage is ruining your wedding or your life. Now, not saying anything can be the only way to see that people's feelings are not seriously hurt, or relationships destroyed. But if asked in a reasonable context, such as, I was wondering if Joan and Dan were invited, because it makes more sense for the 4 of us to travel together the last 2 hours drive the the wedding, and my mom and dad say they will babysit their kids and ours in a slumber party, so we can all return late, or pick them up boo the next day. But I do not want to call, if they ate not invited. Ok: Context of ? is reasonable planning , and the person is exercising care before speaking to the third party. Yes, no, or we are not sure, can you wait a week or two, I would call it a fine question. But we want to know so we can big mouth it all over, NO. And bullying, demanding an invitation in a way that puts the bride on the spot, is not a faux pas, a misstep. It is an aggressive kick in the face, and the interaction needs to be cut off, ir just walk away coldly, as in, you are not worth replying to, you nasty thing.

Faux pas. So annoying in my opinion because the person asking isn’t the person paying for it

I think it depends on the person asking. If it's a parent I think it's fine, but I had a neighbor I barely know trying to invite herself to our wedding, and my fiancee's ex wife keeps trying to invite herself! nope...

Faux pas! Please don't assume or put the bride or groom in an uncomfortable position where they might have to break the bad news to you!

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That's a great answer to that question, going to keep that saved for future reference! But I totally agree, it really depends on the context and tone of the question.

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I'm sure they will! Most people don't go out of their way to ask, they just wait and see if they get one!

I think its rude to ask if you are invited - it puts the couple in an awkward position and it's awkward for you no matter what they say because you'll never know if it was a pity invite if they do invite you. I think asking general questions is fine, but stay away from specifics on date/time and guest list.

It depends how close you are to the person, if you are immediate family or best friends it's cool. But otherwise it is a faux pas!

A little of both. It doesn’t hurt to ask if it’s a +1, but bride and groom get the final say.

Becca's answer is perfect. Sometimes - if you already got your invite - you need to ask "is so-and-so invited?" because you want to go halvsie's on a large gift, invite them as your plus one if you're not in a couple, or go dress shopping together and don't want to make it weird by talking about it with someone who wasn't invited. If you have a good reason and ask politely (and NOT about yourself before getting an invite) I think it's fine. Also you'd better accept whatever the answer is without judgement - if someone wasn't invited, there's always a good reason.

Faux pas, it's none of their business. A parent maybe as they may have old friends they would like to invite but that's it.

Faux pah. It's none of their business. I think they want to gossip.

I think it’s a faux pas, especially when on top of that people ask you why so and so are not invited. So rude! C’mon, you’re invited, I can tell you who else is going to be there so you have an idea of people you know that will be around, but if you find out someone is not invited, please don’t ask why.