Father offended at Wedding Invitation wording

Tell them that you love them but that yoyr mom is the biggest help and to get over it it your day not theres your wedding is about you andbyour soon to be husband not your dad not your brother remember it your day not theres

View Quoted Comment You don't need to defend yourself here. You followed the invitation wording advice from minted..which, BTW, is what the majority of sites suggest as well. Together with their families, etc, is only added to invitations if you are receiving financial help from someone other than the bride and groom. I've researched it thoroughly as we are not accepting money and wanted to make sure it wasn't rude to not add parents names to our invite. Host does equal the person who is paying for the event to occur. So your mom is hosting your wedding.


Your dad hasn't been in your life much. He's not part of the wedding planning. He hasn't offered financial help. He probably feels called out since he wasn't listed. That's his problem. It would have been rude to list him with your mom. She deserves to be on the top of the card.
There's enough to stress about. Don't let this get to you!

View Quoted Comment Omg these are my exact thoughts. Thank you!

Ignore your father. I"m sorry, but if he's not the one who is helping pay for the wedding, hasn't contributed to helping raise you etc..he doesn't need to be on them. Your mom has earned the right, honor, and privilege. I'm sure your dad is a great guy, but in this case he's not being fair

Sara said it right. First of all, you’ve already sent the invitations. You can’t take them back. Second of all, your dad has not really been a part of your life nor has he made any contributions nor has he been involved in the planning process. Third of all, someone is always going to be upset or offended about something. You have enough stress and more than enough things on your plate to worry about right now. You can’t let this get to you. He will hopefully get over it.
By the way, the fact that you are inviting your dad and that you want to have a dance with him should totally mean something to him. My husband’s biological father was not even invited to our wedding because he’s never made an effort to be a part of my husband’s life and the two times we did see him while visiting his biological father’s side, his father was super awkward. My husband was civil and said hello first both times, but a biological parent who has been absent needs to understand that when they don’t make an effort to make their children a priority, their children will eventually stop making them a priority. Just my two cents.

View Quoted Comment I don't remember what the invitation looked like, but I'm sure that my cousin's father's name would have been on the invitation. Her parents had been divorced since she was in elementary school. Her mother raised her by herself. She chose to walk down the isle by herself and never had her father daughter dance. Not out of spite, not even by choice, but because he was dying. He couldn't even come to the wedding because he was in hospice care.


You do have a relationship with your dad. You talk to him online and on the phone. He obviously has a difficult financial situation, especially since you said he lives off of his girlfriends. I don't know why he chose not to help with the wedding, but that could be the reason. He obviously wants to be at your wedding, even though he may not be well liked. It's too late to change the invitations, but he is understandably hurt by their wording. Your in laws are not paying for the wedding either (regardless of the cultural tradition of the brides family paying), but they still have a place on the invitation. If your father was not a part of your life at all, as in you not talking to him at all, then there would be no issue. But he is and you're inviting him, so the wording, unfortunately, does make a point of saying that you feel like he is uninvolved in your life.
Your dad is in your life, even though he hasn't helped financially, and he's coming to your wedding. Let's be thankful for that instead of resentful that he isn't helping to pay for it.

PPs have given you lots of great advice, but I'd just like to echo that you have nothing to feel bad about. Let him be offended, but know that you did nothing wrong!

Come on dad... Stop it!!! 😩😩😩😩

He needs to grow up and own the fact that he did little to bring you up or provide for you. Your invitation reflects reality. Just fine. If he is embarrassed at how it looks to others, he needs to look at the fact that he did little or nothing to earn a place on the invitation. Most of your life he was your biodad, little parenting or acting like a father. Your mom was the only one to raise you, and is hosting. The other non hosting parents are listed as groom's parents because they acted like parents. He is not hosting, and was not an active parent. If he does not like the way that looks, imagine how it felt for his virtually fatherless daughter, all those years he could not be bothered to be around to contribute love, care or support. Now that is something to get upset about.

I agree with some PP that money is not everything, BUT the combination of not being part of your life and not hosting to me, I think your decision is fine.

Did you tell him that you were offended he wasn't in your life?

Call it even lol

I hope you have a magical wedding!

My advice is for you to remember that just because someone was involved
in your conception it doesn't mean you owe them anything, or have to bow
to them. He didn't do squat and now he wants to grab the glory? Sorry,
not happening. Don't let him try to guilt you or make you feel like you
have to apologize.

Your dad is "offended" that he's been outed as not contributing. He doesn't get to share the spotlight with your mom or you guys simply because he shares genes with you. He's reaping what he sowed, and that's that. If you still feel guilt, feel free to hit up JustNoFamily on Reddit, they can definitely help you see through his nonsense.

This is your wedding. Enjoy this special time and don't entertain people who would get in the way of that!

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You hit the nail on the head! He IS embarrassed. Deadbeat parents lay low until the hard work is over, and then they want to stroll right up and pretend to be saints. That's not happening for him, and it's probably quite a shock.

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Oh, honey, I'm sorry but he's insisting BECAUSE he knows it does matter. He desperately wants the spotlight without any of the work. I'd be embarrassed, too!

View Quoted Comment Exactly. It is not just payment in dollars. I am from another culture, and on arriving at the altar to be married, the officiant asks, "who has raised this woman, and is with her as she presents herself to be married?" And mothers, fathers, grandparents, older siblings, relatives who took an active role in the childrearing, custodial care, regular love and support, teaching them day to day, month to month, all answer, we have raised her and are here today to see ( witness) her marriage. . . . It is not just that mother paid for much of the wedding, in dollars. She raised OP. Blood, sweat and tears, and a constant love, not dropping in and out. That kind of "who paid" matters most. Dollars count, but to get star billing and be right under the movie title, long term care matters.

Would you be more comfortable sharing a mother-daughter dance? It sounds like she’s been your rock. If your father is upset, it may be an opportunity for deep conversations about your relationship and how you have felt over the years while he has not been supportive. Upsetting him is not your fault if he hadn’t been active in your wedding planning.

This is the most common thread about the father being offended about the invitations 😫😫 I keep seeing the same thread! Hopefully he’ll get his act together so things can run smoothly.

I think you should just ignore your dad. He can come if he wants and not come if he chooses. Dont let one grumpy person ruin your whole planning experience and wedding. We are going thru a similar situation at our home. Good luck!

Not sure how to turn this thread off. My dad got over it. All is well.

View Quoted Comment ♥️🎉that’s great to hear!