Father offended at Wedding Invitation wording

Tell him to pay for 80% of the wedding then he can have an opinion and possibly get his name listed. 🤷🏾‍♀️

Please don’t allow your father’s feelings of insecurity and guilt dampen your wedding and your plans. He is an adult just like you. He needs to accept reality. This is your wedding and it’s really all about you! Also, because this is your wedding, you can word your invitations anyway you would like. Weddings nor invitation wording have to be done one way only; we are no longer stuck in the bridal world of yesteryear .

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You haven't actually described any hosting responsibilities she's doing, however. Just that she's paying for the majority of the wedding - which is really nice of her, but in no way either her responsibility or your father's responsibility. The only people responsible for paying for their wedding are the people getting married, but that's beside the point.

I'm not saying that what you chose to do was wrong. It was neither right nor wrong. But it was a choice, and that choice has effects and consequences. The effects include appearing to deliberately publicly slight your father and likely embarrassing him in front of his family. The consequence is that he is upset with you. If you didn't care that he was upset then you wouldn't be in an awkward situation right now, but you are because you seem to care about him not being angry with you and because you want something from him, namely a father/daughter dance at the wedding.

I'm just pointing out the etiquette for listing people on the invitation has to do with who is hosting the wedding, not who is paying for it, and for name recognition purposes (e.g. the groom's parents' names, in this case). You denied your father both - and you had reasons, but the end result is a fairly public shaming of your father, and etiquette frowns on that. Regardless of your reasons for wording the invitations the way you did, he's upset, and if you want to maintain a relationship with him and get him to participate in your wedding you'll probably need to apologize to him.

Does he understand that the names are reflective of those who are financially contributing to the wedding? Explain that and let him get over it. If he has any further expectations, you should probably have the conversation. If his track record for reliability is poor, keep your own expectations to a minimum.

I don’t think he’s wrong to be hurt but he has no right to be offended specially if he hasn’t being a part of your life financially or otherwise. Is a phase and it would pass so I’ll just ignore him.

If It was up to my family Or friends or even part of his family he wouldn’t be invited at all, however hosting does include planning parts of the wedding, paying for extras for the wedding, planning and hosting the bridal shower including decorations, catering and shower favors. My mom has gone out of her way to also invite my fiancé’s family to stay at our house instead of footing a bill for a hotel when they live 2500+ miles away. My mom has helped with everything from day one, and traditionally in my families culture the person paying for it isn’t the bride and groom, it’s the women’s parents. Since my dad has chosen not to help with the wedding even though he was given opportunity along the way, even just planning and Or comforting words, he was left off the list. 1) he isn’t hosting or doing anything to help the wedding 2) he isn’t liked by the family And 3) he hasn’t made an effort to get involved. You may have a badge that says expert but you have read little and replied a lot. Weddings differ with Culture and tradition, and even most websites and forums that do these invites include the paying person as host first and often don’t have a secondary person unless it’s both parents together paying/hosting. I don’t think you and I will see eye to eye on this, nor do I see any advice you could give me as being useful but I do appreciate the countless rewording of the same reply. Have a good day/night!

View Quoted Comment If It was up to my family Or friends or even part of his family he wouldn’t be invited at all, however hosting does include planning parts of the wedding, paying for extras for the wedding, planning and hosting the bridal shower including decorations, catering and shower favors. My mom has gone out of her way to also invite my fiancé’s family to stay at our house instead of footing a bill for a hotel when they live 2500+ miles away. My mom has helped with everything from day one, and traditionally in my families culture the person paying for it isn’t the bride and groom, it’s the women’s parents. Since my dad has chosen not to help with the wedding even though he was given opportunity along the way, even just planning and Or comforting words, he was left off the list. 1) he isn’t hosting or doing anything to help the wedding 2) he isn’t liked by the family And 3) he hasn’t made an effort to get involved. You may have a badge that says expert but you have read little and replied a lot. Weddings differ with Culture and tradition, and even most websites and forums that do these invites include the paying person as host first and often don’t have a secondary person unless it’s both parents together paying/hosting. I don’t think you and I will see eye to eye on this, nor do I see any advice you could give me as being useful but I do appreciate the countless rewording of the same reply. Have a good day/night!

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Well no, planning a shower is not part of hosting the wedding. They are two different things.

I'm not arguing with you about what your mother has done. It's wonderful that she is paying for 80% of your wedding. Tradition =/= etiquette. It may be tradition for the bride's parents to pay for the wedding, but it's still the responsibility of the people getting married, and she's doing you guys an amazing favor by paying for so much of it. Your father isn't wronging you by not helping to pay for it, however. I'm also not telling you that you were wrong to choose to leave him off the invitation. I'm just saying that his reaction to the slight is understandable, whether or not the slight was deserved. It was a very public slight and was displayed to all of his family. It shouldn't be a surprise that he's upset about it - regardless of how well-deserved it might be.

If you want him to come and participate in the wedding, you're probably going to have to apologize for hurting him. If you don't care if he comes or not or if he's mad or not - which your post here indicates is not the case and that you do care - then don't worry that he's upset and be happy with the choice you made.

Now, why do you not "see any advice [I] could give [you] as being useful"? Because I understand why your father would be upset at being left off the invitation and because I'm trying to explain to the posters here (not just you) that hosting =/= paying?

View Quoted Comment When doing my invites I went completely off what my mom said and also the website I did them on (Minted). For me it would be rude to not list my mom as the one requesting the presence of the people considering she is covering such a huge part of it and most of the guests are her friends. Also I followed my sisters invitation wording from 20 years ago as well who also had a completely absent father who she spoke to only once in her life.

Oh well, let him be mad. There’s nothing you can do now. I recommend that you just remind him that you’re looking forward to spending a little time with him during the wedding.

You sent them out already, can’t go back now! Even if you could I think I would of just ignored him

Considering that you do have a relationship with him, he is coming to your wedding and you are having a father daughter dance which shows that you have a father daughter relationship, I can totally understand why he must be feeling hurt. If you hadn't sent them out yet, I would have suggested that you ask your dad to pay to replace the invitations for ones that include his name on them and that would be his contribution.

I would leave it the way you have it and if he wants to be mad let him. It’s your day and you explained why you worded it that way. If he still chooses to make it about himself then that’s on him... it’s going to be a few people who try to steal your joy during the planning process but don’t let them... it’s ok to be excited, it’s ok to not include people, and it’s ok to want things a specific way... this is you and your fh day nobody else.

I'm sorry that you are in this situation. You have enough on your plate. The invitations are sent. It's nothing you can do about it now. Move on..find out if he is so offended that he will not participate in the Father/Daughter dance, so you can have a back up plan and gather your emotions. Good luck!

If he has not been part of your life why he wants to be part of your wedding invitation ? Your mom is the one that been with you so she should be the one named in the invitation. He should deal with it. If he does not want to then is his choice and you should not let that affect you n.v in yo our great day. If he has not been there for you dont give more importance to his tantrum sending love

View Quoted Comment I won't apologize I will be clear and to the point as "much as I love you, you have not been part of my life, I care for you and want you to be part of my wedding but my mom had been the one that had been with me all this years and I believe that was the right thing to do" it does not mean you dont love him or dont care. The fact that he was not part of your life is nothing you should feel you need to apologize it was his call and decision not yours. This is about you not about him. The etiquette is to follow what is in your life and not to comply with what others think is the way to be not honest with the facts. At the end the people on your wedding know best

He should be honored to be invited at all.

Maybe he should've had more opinions over the last 25 years, maybe then he'd have a leg to stand on! Anyway, I think you followed your gut and did what's right. It's important to remember that everyone has opinions about your wedding, but at the end of the day, yours and your future spouse's opinions are the ones that matter most.

Yikes. If he knew you had someone /were engaged, and never offered to pitch in or step up as a dad, he doesn’t have the right to be mad. Tell him that since the invitations were sent out, he can still walk you down the aisle? He’s still your dad, even if only by birth— much like my dad hah. So make it up to him by some other accommodation

My advice would be to remind him that you haven't really felt his presence in your life and that you don't feel it would be fair to put him in a place of honor as if everything were fine and normal. If he has an issue with it, that is on him. Don't stress yourself about how other people feel.