Family roles in wedding

I wouldn't ask either then you would eliminate the wedding as an all-family affair (children included). Do you have friends to ask? Or you can just not have a wedding party which has become more popular with couples to avoid more coordination.

Also, your wedding is not until 2024. It is too early to ask as relationships and friendships may change.

First, don’t ask anyone before 9 months before the wedding. So much can and will change between now and then.
Unless these relatives are your BFFs, they should not be asked out of obligation. Don’t ask anyone to stand with you who is not a ride or die loved one who you go to immediately to vent or celebrate your relationship with fiancé.

The trend of having every relative or loved one having a role to feel honored is a new one, Instagram influenced. If everyone has a job then no one is a guest. Not everyone views jobs as being an honor and would prefer to be a guest with no responsibility beyond enjoying themselves. As a guest, I have seen what you describe backfiring. Maybe it’s the family dynamics, but there is usually more drama when someone is asked who doesn’t want to participate than when someone is not asked and there is no close relationship between them. Don’t overthink it.

The sisters in law can stand on his side if he wants them included. You don't have to separate wedding party members by genders or numbers. You also don't have to include them at all in the wedding party.

I'd probably include both of them in your place or neither. They will be family for a long time and it's a nice gesture. It doesn't sound as if there's any down side or issues with the one FSIL, just that you're not quite as close. It might even bring you closer.

View Quoted Comment Asking someone you don’t have a close relationship with to be in a specific role doesn’t always bring you closer to them. Which is why it is frowned on to do that

View Quoted Comment I know of no advice that actually discourages including a future sister in law just because the relationship is fine but not yet super close and would personally think long and hard before asking one brother’s wife but not the other in that case. These women will be family forever. Sometimes it’s just a question of distance and the opportunity to get to know someone better. Of course I come to it with the idea that the honor does not involve obligation other than to stand up in support of the couple on their wedding day, buy/wear a dress/outfit, take photos, and perhaps hold flowers, fix a train and help the bride get ready on the day.

View Quoted Comment Because you harm yourself if you think weddings will fix relationships or family. It's just a party. Why pretend to be the perfect family for antiquated toxicity sake? In OPs case, she's not close to one, so why force it or pretend. Now it's obligation. OP really should pick neither In-laws because that will incur hurt feelings of excluding 1 from a family gang WP.

View Quoted Comment Who said anything about fixing anything or a toxic relationship? OP never indicated there were any problems and says the relationship is OK. If that’s not true, or OK is code for “not so OK” that’s a different story.


There are any number of benign reasons you might be closer to one future SIL than the other that doesn’t involve anything toxic from living closer, knowing her longer, being closer in age or having shared interests. I agree with you that if OP excludes the other FSIL she runs the risk of the relationship deteriorating.