Family issues

View Quoted Comment The point of the previous comment is that it does take more than love to make a marriage work. You need a clear financial plan, you have to figure out where you’re going to live and how you’re going to pay for that and everything else. I’d imagine your parents are just concerned that you might not have all this sorted out, and that if you don’t, you might not be ready to get married. They sound like they are trying to look out for you even if they’re not doing it in the kindest way possible. But responding to their concerns with “I love him, he’s the one” isn’t helping to reassure them. What would likely help is if you make a financial plan and a living plan to show them that it’s not just about love and that you are actually ready for this.


Bottom line is no, they can’t stop you. But it does sound like they’re not trying to put up a fight just to keep you, but that they are genuinely concerned with how it is all going to work out for you.

View Quoted Comment I agree with this 100%. Marriage is about more than love, and if neither of you are financially independent, rushing into a marriage can have a lot of consequences. While you do not need to be rich to be married, you need to be able to stand on your own two feet. Finances are the number 1 cause for divorce and such significant economic instability can really set you off on a rocky start. Why not figure our how to build your lives together first, providing your marriage with the building blocks to success before jumping I to ensure that you are at a healthy place when you make that commitment to each other?

To answer this question: "So can my parents stop me from marrying him and force me to stay at their place and call the cops on my fiancé for taking me away from my parents??"

No, they can't literally stop you from marrying nor can they force you to stay anywhere against your will. They can choose to call the cops, but it would be pretty easy for you to leave before the cops get there and the cops wouldn't restrain you because you are not breaking any laws.

As for this: "I need advice what to do cause I really don’t need any drama and stress from my parents on my wedding day."

You can't control what stress and drama your parents try to create, but you can control how much you see and communicate with them. Well, you can control that part once you are financially independent. I would postpone your wedding until you and your future spouse can afford to live without any assistance from your parents. Once you are financially independent, you can actually be independent.

Are you under a court ordered guardianship? Or have any medical or disability issues where you require their care? A recipient of a government program with strigent guidelines? If not, you're 30.. they can't force you to stay in their home, and calling the cops would be essentially calling the cops on themselves for unlawful imprisonment. On the other hand, they don't have to allow you back home or keep the cash flowing if things go belly up. I would have a real heart to heart with them vs burning the bridge in case you need to cross it again.

Okay hold on my dear.

My first thought as others have mentioned is: do your parents have legal guardianship over you? As in... courts have been involved and have determined that you need someone to help make big decisions for you due to a cognitive/ developmental/ mental disability? If the answer to this is yes then yes, they can stop you from marrying.

If the answer is no then legally they cannot stop you. Legally they can call the cops if they want, but the cops can't do anything. But there's a big difference between something being legal and being a good idea.

I don't question how much you love your fiance but I do think you need to hit pause here. Why do you need to get married in July? How long have you been together? What is the plan for how you will support yourselves once you live together? Are you going to move into the room he rents? Will the people he's renting from even allow that? If you're going to get a place together, do you have money saved for a security deposit and first month's rent? Are you prepared to be 100% independent - getting yourself to and from work, grocery store, maintaining a household, etc.? It does not sound to me like you've thought these things through. It doesn't matter how much you love each other, love does not pay the bills. You need both love and stability.

Why is it not an option to live together but not get married yet? You can love each other and live together, but not get married yet. It doesn't mean he's not the one. Many couples live together before marriage now. It's a great way to get out of your parents house, demonstrate your independence, and get to know each other on a deeper level.

View Quoted Comment Where are YOU and YOUR HUSBAND planning on living after you get married in July? It sounds like your parents will not allow you to live with them any longer. Do you have money for an apartment after you get married?

View Quoted Comment Where he’s renting the room. His landlord allowing me to move in and I think he will let us use the whole place since he wants to move out

View Quoted Comment Then if you and your future husband have the money to be financial independent after you get married, your parents are probably just worried about you.

View Quoted Comment So once you get married what happens? You move in together? Like do you guys have a plan for a life together? Housing, budgets, enough to pay for bills for the two of you? Transportation?

Dani, I'ma be blunt here.

Have you and your fiance had a hard talk about the responsibilities of marriage? Not just the day-to-day costs, but also long term goals such as financial planning? Because from what you've described, you're just *hoping* that things will work out. And wishful thinking rarely works out.

On a more serious note, marriage is a huge legal responsibility. How much do you know of this fiance's past? Does he have any debts that you may become liable for? Has he done anything that may negatively impact you?

If he can't get his stuff together and lock down a job and a place for you to live comfortably, why are you marrying him? Love isn't enough to feed, clothe, house, and support the two of you.

View Quoted Comment He has a job but he doesn’t get paid the same every week it’s commission job he sells fruit on the side of the highway and he won’t get another job he likes wat he does and he has a room he’s renting and it’s cheaper for him and I understand I can’t change him or anybody if he wants to live like that go ahead and have a job that doesn’t pay him the same unless he sales more. I want to be with him forever I love him he loves me. My parents just want the best for me cause wat I have at their place I won’t get it when I move out to him.

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I can't believe I'm saying this, but I think your parents have valid concerns. While their method of communication may suck, they're coming from a place of love and don't want you to fall into unfortunate circumstances.

Me and my boyfriend aren’t financially ready yet to be married but he wants wat he wants and he won’t changed his mind at all and He would want me to pay all the money that he spent but I don’t have that kind money so idk wat to do now! I really want everything with him....

View Quoted Comment “But he wants what he wants and he won’t change his mind at all.” Is he a toddler? The fact that you acknowledge you two aren’t ready to be married makes it sound like you actually kind of agree with your parents. So basically you’re staying in this relationship and getting married when you aren’t ready because he’ll be mad and want the money he’s invested in the wedding back from you? You need to take a HUGE step back. Don’t marry him right now. Maybe don’t even be in a relationship with him. It honestly sounds like he’s forcing your hand in this and that’s very unhealthy.

View Quoted Comment He’s not forcing me to do anything I want to marry him and grow old together but my parents is saying stuff and now it’s running through my mind and it’s not right wat they doing or saying cause I want to be happy for once and he makes me happy

View Quoted Comment But it is right for them to express concerns. You said yourself the two of you aren’t financially ready to be married. Maybe they’re approaching it in the wrong way but they’re not wrong for being worried.

Agreed with other posters on here.. you sound VERY immature for a 30 year old. You don’t even drive yet!! It does not sound like you would be marrying into a stable lifestyle at all. You need to get your life together first. Maybe YOU should get a second job then, or look for one that pays more so you can afford a place of your own, get your driver license, get a car, and he could always move in to your place then!! There is NOTHING wrong with waiting to get married. Sounds like you both have some Growing up to do first. Otherwise you are in for QUITE THE RUDE AWAKENING...

View Quoted Comment So much of that ⬆️
Are you ok with someone who’s content to not have a stable financial situation? Does he think it’s ok for his wife to live in a room w him?
When things get tough and they will within weeks if not days you will be calling your parents...

View Quoted Comment Well I don’t really want to put his life on here but I need someone to talk to about stuff to get it off my chest cause I have nobody to talk to and my parents is judgement people and I hate it.

View Quoted Comment Hun I’m sorry you are in this situation.
Why can’t you postpone the wedding till your financial situations are settled?
Also, someone mentioned above, do you know him really well? I’m only going by what you said but if let’s say he has debts, you might be liable and have to pay them once you are married. Do you know how good his credit is? Savings? These are all important things. It’s okay if they are not great but it’s not okay if you know nothing about them and he won’t have this conversation with you