Djskcnf
Just Said Yes April 2020

Family in law

Djskcnf, on August 15, 2019 at 1:57 PM Posted in Planning 0 39
Saved Save
Reply
We have decided on a cruise wedding to save money as well as ease the stress of planning. My family has all been very supportive in this choice and helped find the cruise we want to go on as well as all the information for the wedding options on the cruise. When presented to my in laws we were almost immediately shot down. We were told we were getting married too soon (engaged in August, wedding date in April), and that we are asking too much of people to go on a cruise. We have discussed that this would limit some people due to the money and time off and are understanding of that. The cruise we have choosen is 7 days and the cost for interior rooms is $450/each. We are 8 months out and are wanting to let people know as soon as possible to ease some of the strain for money as well as trying to get time off. I’m not sure how to handle going about handling my in laws without giving into what they want us to do. Any advice or experience?

39 Comments

  • Kelly
    VIP October 2020
    Kelly ·
    Have your fiance tell them this is your plan and give them the book information. If they give him problems he can tell them they don't have to come
  • Sarah
    VIP September 2019
    Sarah Online ·
    As with any destination wedding, this can happen. You have to be prepared that people won’t be able to come. $450 per person is still a lot of money for a vacation they aren’t choosing. That’s not including if they need updated passports, transportation to and from the port, other travel fees, etc. Are you and your FS prepared that none of your in-laws will attend?
  • Lady ·

    The reason it's cheaper for you is because it's more expensive for everyone else. I definitely think it's too much to ask that people are required to take a weeklong vacation or they can't see you get married. I think this is something you should have cleared with your families and VIP guests before you booked. Otherwise, you just have to be ok with the fact that many people will not and cannot attend.

  • FutureMrsD
    Legend July 2019
    FutureMrsD ·

    Are they financially contributing to the wedding? If not, DO YOU! You guys want the cruise, do the cruise. It's unique & different, but fun! If people can't make it, they can't make it. For destination weddings, it's typically a 3 day ordeal anyway with flights & hotels & rental cars so whatever. I would be prepared that a lot of people won't be able to make it, but I assume you know that?

  • Danielle
    Master June 2019
    Danielle ·
    View Quoted Comment

    Exactly this. If your FH is okay with not having his family attend, then stick to your guns and plan the cruise wedding y'all want. But if having family there is important, then it might be worth considering other options.

  • Caytlyn
    Champion November 2019
    Caytlyn ·
    View Quoted Comment

    Totally agree with this. Also, asking people to reserve 7+ days (with travel time) for your wedding is kind of pushing it. It may be more understandable for a 3-4 day cruise, but a 7 day cruise with 8 months notice is a lot. You're totally within your right to plan the wedding that you want, but you need to go into it with the understanding that some people, even the most important ones, may not be able to attend.

  • IvyAndKris
    Rockstar October 2019
    IvyAndKris ·
    View Quoted Comment

    Exactly this. If the two of you love this idea, then you have done all you can to provide enough time for them to save. Of course not everyone will be able to make it, but if being at your wedding is a priority, they will find a way.

  • Anna
    Devoted August 2020
    Anna ·

    Personally, I would not have a wedding somewhere my in-laws couldn't attend. I know they have told you that it's asking to much of people, etc... but have you thought about how it might be asking too much of them? Maybe they can't afford it or can't make it happen. That would be really hard for them i'm sure--- to miss their son's wedding. I wouldn't do it if both sets of parents weren't on board (ha ha--- so punny). Depends on your relationship with them I guess though.

    Side note: I always find cruises end up way more expensive than all-inclusives.

  • Mcskipper
    Master July 2018
    Mcskipper ·
    It does boil down to if the in laws would attend and if that’s a deal breaker for your FI (it would be for me— I couldn’t get married without my family so their opinion DID matter , and if they wouldn’t/couldn’t do my dream idea, I would’ve found a compromise). A 7 day cruise is a big one!
  • Ellie
    Dedicated January 2020
    Ellie ·

    This is a tough one though I'd say whichever decision you end up making, let it be your FH that addresses it with his family so that you don't take too much heat.

    I think the cruise idea is kinda neat and unique although I do feel maybe if it was a bit shorter of a cruise it would be a bit more palatable. I know my job only allows me so many vacation days and 7 days would be a large chunk of the time available to me so it could be a situation where some people may not have enough vacation days to go on a trip that long or may have plans to use it for something else.

    I guess it depends on who will not be able to make it and how important it is for you and your FH to have those people there. I know for my wedding some people will not be able to make it due to distance but it is, what it is!


  • Cher Horowitz
    Rockstar December 2019
    Cher Horowitz ·

    I think seven days is a long time for anyone to take off work, so I'd be prepared to have a small turnout. Remember if you're paying, the in-laws don't have much of a say. Does the possibly of your in-laws not attending the wedding bother you? If not, I would go ahead with your cruise plans!

  • Melissa
    Rockstar September 2019
    Melissa ·
    I think if you want to do that, go ahead! If they aren’t paying for it, they get no say except on to accept or decline the invite. That being said, if either of our parents could not make it to the wedding we would be upset and probably find other options. Is there a reason they are fighting it? I would leave it up to guests to decide to come or not. I would most likely accept bc I love cruises and $450 is a great deal for a 7 day cruise in April. Also, I have seen weddings on a cruise ship while still in port so they have the ceremony and any guests not continuing on the cruise will get off there
  • FutureStephD
    Super March 2019
    FutureStephD ·

    It sounds like you and your FH are in love with this idea and that's what you want to do. If that's what you want, then do it. But only if your in-laws aren't contributing financially. If they aren't, they have no say. And your decision is if they can't come, do you proceed?

    That said, I don't understand why getting married eight months after getting engaged is too soon. Could they mean age? That's odd to me.

    Personally, I was upset when my brother and SIL decided to do a destination wedding that was $2,500 per person and then got married in secret six months beforehand. But that was their decision and my decision was to go or not, and they could be upset or not. I think that weddings like this are passing costs on to guests, but then again, I've realized that what you spend is your choice, and what they spend is theirs. I say do the cruise if they will go, and realize you might not have a ton of people there.

  • Meaghan
    Savvy June 2020
    Meaghan ·

    You and your fiance need to sit down and figure out your priorities. Is the fact that your in-laws may not be able to afford or take that much time off a deal breaker? Will you regret their absence years down the line? 7 days is a really long time to ask your guests to commit for your wedding. If you really want them their maybe you could compromise and do a shorter cruise? I had a friend do a cruise wedding and he absolutely loved it. It was small, but they were able to enjoy the time with the people who attended.

  • Jordan
    Expert September 2019
    Jordan ·
    7 days is a huge commitment for a wedding. This is far different from a destination wedding because you can’t just leave a cruise. You’re asking a lot of your family and friends and have already received pushback from seemingly important people. I would reconsider this.
  • Eshell
    Beginner January 2021
    Eshell Online ·
    I honestly think that’s enough time frame and $450 NOT bad for a 7 day cruise. It’s your big special day. Try not to stress. Who can make it can and who can’t ohhhhh well ! What your fiancé think ?????
  • Djskcnf
    Just Said Yes April 2020
    Djskcnf ·
    So money and time off is not the problem here at all. They have not really addressed what the issue is with other than the fact they think 8 months is too soon. We are 23 going on 24 and in April we will have been together for 4 years. They are not contributing financially to the wedding. We understand that a lot of people aren’t going to be able to come and that’s why we are wanting to do a cruise. I wanted to elope just immediate family and FI has family that assumed they would be invited and my MIL assumed we would invite but that does not work due to me being one of 4 kids. So the cruise is an in between idea that after looking further into we both truly fell in love with the idea. We looked at shorter cruises but there’s not much of a price difference in the 4 day compared to the 7 day.
  • Kimberly
    Devoted October 2019
    Kimberly ·
    I think as long as you 2 are ok with having less people around you then go for it. At the end of the day it's about you 2. Someone will always be unhappy with something you choose to do with your wedding bc it's not what they would have done. you've just got to keep your head up and focus on what makes you happy
  • Djskcnf
    Just Said Yes April 2020
    Djskcnf ·
    View Quoted Comment
    Trust me we have been to enough weddings that there’s not really a huge cost difference in between the cruise and do something more
    local after you include hotels, food, and alcohol. Nothings been booked either so don’t just assume on something. I was looking for advice on how to handle the situation not looking for someone to tell me what I was doing wrong.
  • Djskcnf
    Just Said Yes April 2020
    Djskcnf ·
    View Quoted Comment
    I wasn’t looking for someone to tell me to reconsider I was looking for advice on how
    to handle the situation with my in laws without giving up what I want. Please read completely
    before responding.

Comment on this discussion

×