Anna
Savvy June 2018

Family disappointments for our wedding

Anna, on May 4, 2018 at 1:54 AM Posted in Family and Relationships 0 19
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I realize that “best case scenario* weddings are an opportunity to feel extra love and effort coming from friends and family members...but this has not been my experience at all. Are any of you also experiencing this?


I remember my good friend saying “you’ll be shocked how many people come out of the woodwork offering help, interest, and love”... but that has not been my experience at all! My MOH sister bailed from planning (and attending) a bachelorette party, so that fell apart. There are other equally major slights too, but I’ll feel like a ranting troll if I start listing all of them. Smiley winking

In any case, I have always gone above and beyond for other friends and family’s weddings (in effort and finance) and it has been very disheartening to be overwhelmingly unreciprocated....overall, I hate to complain because I am marrying an awesome guy who loves me and we have a great party planned that should be a great time... just hoping to hear that this is not just me... and I wonder what it’s all about, really...Laziness? Apathy? Selfishness? Something wrong with me? Hopefully not that...


19 Comments

Latest activity by Katelyn, on March 21, 2019 at 1:03 PM
  • J
    Dedicated January 2019
    Jacqueline ·
    • Flag
    I hear stuff like this all of the time! I personally am not expecting any “help” from friends or family, I’m doing pretty much everything on my own but honestly I’m able to keep my sanity and my have hostility in my relationships with my friends and family. It’s so much easier to have no expectations and just be grateful when someone actually helps! I hope things get better and people start being more helpful! ❤️
    • Reply
  • Anna
    Savvy June 2018
    Anna ·
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    View Quoted Comment

    I think that’s probably key to all of this...changing expectations. Thanks for your input!

    • Reply
  • ArwenToHisAragorn
    Expert October 2018
    ArwenToHisAragorn ·
    • Flag

    I've been having the same experience. I haven't expected anything from anyone thus far, and I've gotten push-back on every single decision. My bridal party has been awful, I've had NO expectations for them at all other than showing up, but everything has been an issue. I'm pretty done with this whole planning thing lol, I'm glad it's not just me feeling this way! Can't wait for it to just be over with!

    • Reply
  • Amanda
    Super May 2018
    Amanda ·
    • Flag

    I 100% understand where you are coming from.

    It's unfortunate, but I think you already nailed it. Adjusting our expectations of others and knowing that we cannot control how other people act/behave is the best way to keep ourselves from being disappointed. Much like you, I have put a lot of effort in other friends' and family weddings and always felt I went above and beyond.

    That's who I am and that's how I conduct myself. We can't put the expectation that others will act the same way, unfortunately.

    I'm 14 days out today, and I'm over it. I think lowering your expectations or not expecting anything at all from anyone, will make you more grateful when someone actually does help in some way.

    Weddings bring out the worst in people. Know that you have all of the brides and grooms on the WW forum to chat with and find support from and when you and your fiance plan everything for your day, you'll appreciate it that much more knowing that you did it together.

    • Reply
  • T
    Super December 2018
    T P ·
    • Flag
    I am saddened that you feel so disappointed by your family and friends. It is good that you are reminded that your partner is a good man, and the opportunity to celebrate the love and joy you find in each other is the reason for your wedding. Please try to find joy in the knowledge that if no one else appreciated your efforts, your partner will be there to love, honor, and cherish you!
    • Reply
  • F
    Devoted August 2018
    futuremrs ·
    • Flag
    I’m right there with you!!! We are having our wedding out of stated (3 hours away) and my fiancé’s Family is giving us a hard time because they don’t know what they are going to do with the dogs. I have bent over backwards trying to accommodate them and nothing is good enough. Just know that it’s your special day and there are people out there that want to help you and support you. When I asked my best friend to be my MOH she said no, I was heart broken but it turned out to be a good thing, I asked my future sister in law to then take her place as my MOH and she has gone above and beyond for me. So everything will work out for you, it’s just a speed bump. It just sucks because like you said it’s your wedding it should be a happy time filled with love and sometimes it just doesn’t happen that way. Good luck with everything!!
    • Reply
  • magnolia5
    VIP June 2019
    magnolia5 ·
    • Flag
    I'm sorry you feel this way.

    I wouldn't take it personally, I'm sure they're happy for you. You just need to remember they all have events going on in their lives as well. They may have too much happening in their lives right now to where they can't focus on your wedding right now. Plan it with your FS and focus on marrying the one you love.
    • Reply
  • Brittany
    Master April 2019
    Brittany ·
    • Flag

    I think it really just comes down to personality types. Some are natural "givers". I am like you, I go above and beyond for others every way that I can. But not everyone is like that and it can be jarring to realize that you will not always receive the same effort that you give. It sucks tbh. I have felt the way you feel now before.

    Know that you aren't alone Smiley smile it isn't just you. And you have support here.

    And in your amazing FH. And really that's all that matters. You have the right idea.

    *hugs*

    • Reply
  • ISaidHallYes
    VIP November 2018
    ISaidHallYes ·
    • Flag

    I think everyone above already nailed it. Basically many people do a lot for others and some like to have stuff done and don't reciprocate it. It can be disheartening and sad but unfortunately that is life. It is wonderful to remember that you have such a great man to marry. Hopefully someone will come along soon and help you out with some things!

    • Reply
  • alicia
    Dedicated May 2019
    alicia ·
    • Flag
    I’ve been feeling this way since it came out that my sister and SIL thought ‘nobody gave a s**t’ about their weddings 12 years ago (there’s a lot of complicated back story as to why including 3 or 4 previous engagements that were broken off)

    I’m also hearing through the grapevine that because I’m having a destination wedding my extended family aren’t overly thrilled about my wedding. And by destination wedding I mean it’s like a 6 hour drive for them.

    Whatever. I’m planning the wedding that I want and whoever wants to come can come, if not it’s their loss and they will save me money by staying home 🙃.
    • Reply
  • No
    Devoted September 2018
    No ·
    • Flag

    Smiley sad I'm sorry your experience has been a little disappointing in some ways. You're so right though, you get to marry an amazing guy and have a fun party.

    I have a mix of people that I thought would be there for me, even if it's just a hey hows wedding planning? I mean my own siblings don't even ask (and we were super close, I just dropped a lot of money on one of them), but whatever. I have some who are also just hurtful, I've chosen to exclude those people from my planning and really minimize how much they are in my life. Hard when it's family though. I've sadly had to let go of certain expectations and dreams because people are crappy, and I don't want to be around their negativity. I will say though I've had a few people I wasn't expecting wanting to help and be apart of everything. At the end of at all, I have a really great support group from my friends and my parents. Heck with all the others who suck. Smiley smile

    • Reply
  • Swtnss238
    VIP May 2019
    Swtnss238 ·
    • Flag

    These reasons are exactly why FH and I don't want help, never expected it and wouldn't accept it if it were offered. We really didn't want our feelings hurt or to be disappointed. We didn't want the stress of other peoples input about what we want or don't want We are having some issues with his side of the family as far as if they r going to even attend or if his adult children will be in the wedding party but we have come up with plans if they don't. These 2 issues r the only thing causing me stress and it sucks.

    • Reply
  • Jennifer
    Master September 2018
    Jennifer ·
    • Flag

    I am sorry you are feeling like this. MY family has zero interest in talking about anything to do with my wedding, in the beginning I was like hey??? But now I don't even bring it up, their loss. FH family is a totally different story and could not be more excited so I choose to celebrate & get excited with them! I have a huge supportive friend base that makes it much easier, they all offer to help, but as of right now I have not taken them up on that. I am super disappointed in my mom but what can you do besides lower your expectations and be happy with those that are in fact excited for you. ((hugs))

    • Reply
  • MrsV1027
    Master October 2018
    MrsV1027 ·
    • Flag

    My family and friends have never exactly been ones to help me with things or get excited with what happens in my life so I had zero expectations that they'd help with the wedding or plan any showers or parties of any sort. So far they are living up to my expectations. I would have loved for someone in my friends or family to be super excited and want to be involved in any way outside of my mom wanting to pick every last detail of what I wear but I wasn't expecting it so I'm not disappointed lol

    • Reply
  • E
    Super June 2018
    Erica ·
    • Flag
    My case is on my FH SIDE, starting drama, but I just refuse to let it get to me. We are doing the wedding we planned and that's it. If they show up and start drama, they will be ask to leave. My side has been wonderful in helping. When we started planning I thought his mom and sister would of been all In. Boy was I wrong
    • Reply
  • A
    Beginner June 2018
    Agnieszka ·
    • Flag

    Like most people already said have NO expectations and if you have any left just throw them out the window. I feel the same way as you and cannot wait to the day to be here so I can enjoy it with my FH and forget about the other crap/drama that led up to it. Every week it is something new and it has been a rollercoaster and eye awakening. At this point, I do not care anymore because we have no control over others. What we have control over is ourselves and how you react to these situations. Just focus on things that make you happy and what you are looking forward to. Know that whatever does go wrong (things will as nothing is perfect); will be to benefit you and everything will turn out great at the end. One of my favorite quotes that I want to share with you is, “Every day may not be good, but there is something good in every day.” Just focus on that Smiley smile Wish you all the best!


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  • Anna
    Savvy June 2018
    Anna ·
    • Flag

    Thank you all, seriously. Hearing the support and similar experiences does make me feel better.

    • Reply
  • Anna
    Savvy June 2018
    Anna ·
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    View Quoted Comment

    So close —14 days! I wish you the best for your wedding. Thx for your perspective.

    • Reply
  • Katelyn
    Just Said Yes April 2019
    Katelyn ·
    • Flag

    Sadly this is my experience too, the family im not as close too are actually more excited then immediate family. All of our immediate family (parents mainly) have complained about traveling, complained about the restaurants dress code, and are more concerned with their pets (the hotel is not pet friendly) versus being excited for our day. We planned a destination wedding in the fl keys, we are paying for EVERYTHING including setting up tours for our guests, its very disheartening- we wanted to plan a fun 3 day getaway in a beautiful place for our family (we all live in FL but many have never been to the Keys) and they have just made us wish we saved our money and eloped, if we weren't a month away I truly would cancel.

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