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Just Said Yes June 2023

Family disagreements on where to have our wedding

Emily, on May 22, 2022 at 10:55 AM Posted in Planning 0 8
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In 2020 we were engaged and living in Orlando and originally booked a venue in Orlando for March 2022. We ended up cancelling it because COVID was getting bad again and we didn’t know how vaccines were going to go. Well, fast forward we’ve moved to two different states, both have started new jobs and are finally ready to start planning again. My family wants us to get married in Florida (where I’m from and they live) and his family wants us to get married in New Jersey (where he’s from and they live) well, mainly his mom. I feel like his grandparents and aunts don’t care, hell, they’re team a destination wedding!
Last time we were talking wedding stuff his mom looked sooo annoyed over the fact that we were talking about venues in Florida. She even mentioned something about venues Jersey.

I just need some advice on what to do, where to have the wedding etc.?

8 Comments

Latest activity by Jacks, on May 23, 2022 at 3:19 PM
  • E
    Just Said Yes June 2023
    Emily ·
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    Oh also, both families are contributing to the wedding. Not sure on amounts yet but that was discussed. But the bulk of it, we’re mainly paying for it ourselves!
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  • Ashlee
    Super September 2022
    Ashlee ·
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    Have the wedding someplace you and your fiance want it, not where either family wants it. I don't know if this matters, but Jersey is one of the most expensive states to have a wedding, so consider that too.

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  • Cece
    Master October 2023
    Cece ·
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    We were in the same position, and ultimately decided to have a destination wedding. We figured that was the most fair way to do things, instead of requiring one person‘s family to travel and not the other. I would caution against accepting financial assistance from either side, as it is going to complicate things and cause unnecessary stress for you both. As soon as parents contribute financially, they get a say in the decisions made; and if they are wanting opposite things, it’s going to be a headache for you trying to appease both sides and not “play favorites”.
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  • L
    Devoted April 2023
    Lucy ·
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    This! Ashlee said it perfectly.
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  • M
    VIP August 2021
    Michelle ·
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    Usually destination weddings have event planners with it. So unless your family or his mom will plan the wedding for you, why not have the wedding where you currently live? It is easier to tour venues, meet vendors in person. If you live in a separate state from your partner, then choose the location of the primary planner. Go with what's affordable for you and your partner. Since the families have not disclosed how much they will give and for what, budget without these extras as they may fall through. You know your own financial situation best. Best wishes.

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  • Paige
    VIP October 2022
    Paige ·
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    Literally this. I'm in a similar situation, and we chose to have the wedding where we live. We got to tour our venues, we'll be at our own church, meet with vendors, do all of our own tastings, etc. Having to have faith that either of our families would put together what I had in mind gave me way too much anxiety, and there would be way more attitude to deal with for "favoring" one side over the other than it was worth. This way, everyone is upset equally (kidding... kind of). We also made it clear that we were planning the wedding in a way we could afford to pay for ourselves so neither side felt they could get their way by offering money.

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  • Michelle
    Champion December 2022
    Michelle ·
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    Have the wedding where you want. Which also means not accepting their money. They have all already gotten married so this is your turn to pick what you want. It also gives you and fiancé practice for setting and maintaining boundaries. If you don’t, they will pressure you into doing things their way or else in regards to other parts of your life: where you live, where you work, where and when you spend holidays, nearly every decision regarding future children and the list goes on.
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  • Jacks
    Champion November 2054
    Jacks ·
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    This. It's impossible to please everyone, so don't start trying now. It's a good time to make boundaries clear with people.

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