Falling out with Bridesmaid, advice?

Temporary brown hair dye just for the wedding day, she was horribly offended and acted like I was trying to change her. I don't personally like her 'style' but I've always supported her, and have never tried to change her. Well she stopped talking to me altogether. Blocked me on facebook, won't return calls or texts. Typing this, I know how stupid it sounds, obviously she wasn't mature enough to handle it, but I just feel so, so guilty. I tried so hard to be nice, and I never insulted her or talked down to her, but I just feel like a royal b*tch and like I ruined our friendship.

But can you imagine blue hair in your wedding photos? I'm sure in a few years she'll dye it back, or at least mellow out her look, but we aren't teenagers, these are my wedding photos, forever.

So what type of advice are you looking for?

Is there anyway to send her a letter or show up at her work/house to talk to her in person and explain how you're feeling?

I personally understand the photo issue- my sister is a hairdresser and sometimes puts funky colors in her hair or its like 5 different colors. I know that years from now when we look at my wedding photos, she's going to laugh about all the colors in her hair but I'm just letting it go because its who she is & always has been. We aren't very close as sisters but she knows that she shouldn't put any 'odd' colors in her hair before the wedding. She's actually trying to grow it out longer without me asking her to so that she can get the same hair style as the rest of m BMs.

Did she step down as a BM? Did she stop talking to you before or after the wedding?

I can see why she'd be insulted/hurt. If you want to keep her as a friend, I really think owe her a heartfelt apology.

It's sad she seemed a flakey with the appointments and didn't seem to care about the aesthetic you were going for however there is a fine line to walk when you start asking your friends to change how they look for your wedding day...

In the US yes it's normal to request they wear a certain dress. Perhaps even request certain shoes, jewelry and maybe even request they get up do's but not so much when it comes to telling them to dye or cut their hair a certain way.

You knew how she was when you asked her, assuming she has attended other formal events before with the blue hair of course she thinks it's fine. You made some pretty big assumptions she would change her entire look. Your request IMO was out of line.

Oh sweetie you owe your friend a huge apology as that was pretty crappy. Write her a handwritten letter apolgizing for being a stressed out crazy bride.

Yeah, I have to agree with the others, but I think you already know you made a mistake. Since she doesn't respond to electronics, what about sending flowers or something edible with your letter? I don't blame her for being mad, but I also know how we can get all wrapped up in being "the bride" and unintentionally offend other people. If you want to stay friends with her, then you need to do something big to show her that!

I guess I'm confused because you knew she had blue hair when you asked her to be in the wedding. My maid of honor has a huge tattoo on her arm that I knew would show in my photos. But I already knew this when I ask her to be in my wedding so I excepted it and her. I would never have asked her to cover it up. So yes it could be hurtful and make her feel as though you don't except her for who she is.

I do feel like I messed up, but I wasn't being a 'bridezilla' I offered to find temporary dye, just for that one day that would wash out after. If she wanted to have her wedding more 'her style' I'd be happy to put temporary dye in my hair for her.

She stopped talking to me before the wedding. She moved a few days later (for unrelated reasons) I've tried talking to mutual friends, but I don't think there's much more I can do to apologize. My DH and MOH say good riddance to her, but I wish there was a way I could keep the friendship intact. That being said, I wish she was my BM, or at least attended the wedding. But I'm glad I didn't cave and had the style of wedding my DH and I wanted.

So are you asking if you are at fault?

Like other ladies have said, you knew what her style was prior to asking her. Don't expect anyone to conform to what you want and then get upset when that doesn't happen. IMO you shouldn't have asked her if you wanted her to change.

No, I'm not asking if I'm at fault. I'm just asking if anyone has any ideas. Like I said, I don't think there's anything I can fix or change, but I thought it was worth a try to ask.

Sending a note with your apology and a small gift. Good luck.

Are you sure that's the only issue?

If any bride ever asked me to change my hair color for her wedding, I would just have said *no*, although I don't have blue hair. It honestly sounds a little silly to me that she would be so offended to end friendship over that.

I think she could have been a little jealous of me getting married, like I said, she kept blowing off appointments and just fun stuff with me and my MOH, I think that she could have been hurt that she wasn't the MOH, but I wish she would have talked to me about everything. And I've never made any comment about how she's dressed before, I understand that is her style, and I respect that. I just wish she could have seen my point of view. She wouldn't go to a job interview like that, why my wedding?

It seems to me that the hair issue was just an excuse. Do you have any friends in common who might know?

Personally if I was her, I would also be offended because that's my style and you was okay with it all those years, but suddenly you wanna change it?

idk how much blue she had in her hair, but couldn't you of had her to do a cute updo to hid the blue?

I've asked around, I guess she hasn't talked about it. It does seem really weird that we've been such great friends for so many years and the hair thing was this big of issue.

She had probably more than half her hair blue, streaks and tips. I just mentioned the temporary dye, she never talked to me about it. If she didn't want to dye her hair we could have found an updo and maybe a hair extension thing to cover the blue

If you're going to use the job interview analogy - your friendship was her "interview". You hired her to be a BM, blue hair and all. You knew who she was. Her hair is blue. Why would she change it for your wedding? Asking her to change it even for one day is total bridezilla territory.

Send her some blue hair dye, blue cupcakes, an awesome gift, and a heartfelt apology letter telling her you were wrong, you miss her terribly, and you love her just the way she is. If she has a sense of humor, you might win her over.

And do whatever you can humanly possibly do to get the "she's jealous I got married" idea out of your head!!! If you truly think that, it can give off an attitude that you think you're better than her just b/c you're married. I'm not saying you think that, but people can get that impression. Not everyone is dying to get married.

Good luck.