Ex won't let son come to Our wedding. Anyone else go through this?

I'm in New York and went through something similar. The judge MAY order him to allow your son to stay with you for the wedding. BUT it's also possible that if your ex can produce documents that he has a trip planned the judge will let him go with his father. At this point there is no guarantee until you go to court. I am so sorry you are going through this.

This does nothing but hurt the child. I would fight this tooth and nail. We are sending a STD home with my FHs son so she cannot say, "Oh! We are going camping that weekend!" He is the Best Man and deserves to be with us that day.

You can switch custody weekends. He can go 2 weekends in a row and you can have him for this. I am sure a judge would back you if it comes down to it.

Bring everything you have to the hearing. The contracts, with the date you signed them...it would probably be in your best interest to show that your wedding has been planned for some time, and that you've tried to compromise by giving him extra time. The fact that he was denied custody previously could also help your case.

Our situation is a bit different, but I feel your pain and frustration. Good luck

This is going to be HORRIBLE solution...but if ALL else fails...just don't let him go. Your ex might file something with a court if you deny visitation...but I doubt anything would happen.

I know this is a horrible suggestion, but I watched my brother's ex-wife keep their kids on HIS weeks...he filed with court and nothing happened but a threat. It really sucked...but I wouldn't feel bad for your ex since he is unwilling to compromise.

I would not follow Amber's suggestion at all. You don't want to do anything that your ex can use against you, and the family courts can vary widely from state to state on how they rule in these issues, so what might be the norm for one state could be very different in another. Doing something like that could jeopardize your custody rights in the future.

A couple brides have been through this, and I think I can remember one bride in particular who had to go through the courts. In her case, they did rule in her favor, but I'm sure these decisions are very nuanced and not at all straightforward. The worst that can happen is that your son won't be able to attend your wedding. It SUCKS that you will miss sharing the day with him, and that your family and friends will lose the opportunity to see him, but it won't be the end of the world. Perhaps later on you could have a small family commitment celebration for the three of you?? Keeping my fingers crossed that the judge rules in your favor!!

Do not do what Amber said. Judges are different like the leaves on the trees. You could have a judge deny you custody of your son at all because of that.

I suggest bringing all info to the court and explain why it's important to have your son there that day. You could even suggest that your ex drop your son off and pick him up after the festivities, just so that he is there. Explain that your ex suddenly decided that they were taking a trip AFTER you had already asked for him to be there for your wedding. Make it look like (which it won't be hard, since he's obviously just being petty) he is just trying to inconvenience you in any way possible for no legit reason at all. Document where you've asked him to take two weekends in a row and document his responses. Document document document! If he's being petty as it seems, the judge will see that. Will he grant you that time? Nothing is for sure. Good luck!

My FH's daughter might not be coming to our wedding at all. However, my kids will absolutely be there. My ex and I keep it civil, and have no formal visitation. We switch weekends when we need to. I'm so sorry that your ex is holding his visitation order against you on your wedding day. & as for the PP comment on not planning for your one of your weekends...I completely understand, and those who don't deal with the situation of visitation probably wouldn't. Here's hoping it works out for you...

Think about worst case scenario, that the judge finds in favor of your ex.

Does the wedding HAVE to be this year? Can/Will you change the date to reflect a weekend when your son will be with you, next year?

Thats not going to happen. Judges will not take away custody because you skipped one VISIT. I can guarantee you that. However, if you go through the court and the judge denies your right to have him at the wedding...I wouldn't go against a judge's direct order. I would have never gone to court in the first place (I suck lol oh well) if he said no, I would have just kept him home.

It's not the best suggestion...or not a good one at all..but your husband is being a jerk. At the same time, your 3 year old won't care if he is there or not (even though it IS important for you). But, if you care that much to have them there...change your date.

Email all conversations with your ex. That way any response he gives is on paper. Or follow up any in person or phone calls with an email to him.

My ex can be a dink too, mantra when dealing with him and courts is "In my son's best interests" thankfully, my ex lives 6 hours away and only sees our son for maybe 1 month out of the year.

Oh lord, please do not give people advice that tells them to ignore their COURT-ORDERED visitation!

The other ladies have stated to bring all info you have for court, and that's all you can really do. The judge will either rule in your favor or not. Hopefully it all works out for you!

All this winds down to is that you made plans for you son on a weekend that belongs to your ex-husband...wedding or not, it doesn't matter and unfortunately for you, your ex-husband. You can HOPE for a sympathetic judge with strong family values that will somehow convince your ex to let the child go (as he is the only one that will be hurt in the end).

Maybe you could be sneaky between now and then and somehow do the math in your favor that if you were to switch weekends somehow before the wedding, the wedding weekend would fall on your time? Or give up Christmas or Thanksgiving for one year to get your son that weekend? You have to be willing to bring something good to table to get him to want to compromise

It's not a good idea. but I'm telling you, unless visitation is CONSISTENTLY denied the court will do nothing but ask you to reschedule. He is being a jerk.

How far away do you live from EX? Can you have him for a few hours on the wedding day and return him?

To be honest, depending on the judge, you may get told too bad. you agreed to the terms of custody and you chose the wedding date knowing your custody schedule. its in the judges hands. your Ex in no way has to comply with your request to swap weekends. divorce is a b!itch.

Don't do what amber said. I think the judge will probably see in your favor, if not there isn't really much else you can do. Unfortunately, when you picked the date on weekend you knew you didn't have your son you knew this could be a possibility.

Thank you all for your comments.

I forgot to add, he said in mediation that if I gave him primary custody I could have the date, which shows he does'nt need that weekend. He's using our son as a pawn which is wrong. And to the poster that said my son won't care if he's there is wrong. My son talks about "getting married" everyday and has stated many times he can't wait to marry mommy & my fiance.

I just have to say if anyone has tried to plan a wedding in Los Angeles you know how ridiculously overpriced it is. The venue we have is not my dream venue, but we used my fiance's step dad's residency in a city to get a great price that fit in our budget. It was literally one of the only places we could afford. I never thought his Dad would refuse the switch as I have switched for him in the past with no problem. He's just being bitter & vindictive because I'm moving on with my life. STD's have been sent, photographer booked, invites printed, cake paid, DJ paid, family flights booked...how could I possibly change my date. I have been fighting him for months. I have Our Family wizard and all of his responses to me are documented & he never once mentioned a trip to San Diego. He just made that up. We live across the street from each other. He moved across from my fiance & I a few months ago from a totally different city, which was beyond odd. Plus our wedding venue is only 1 hour from Los Angeles & San Diego in the middle, so he could compromise if he wanted.

Yikes, no advice here, but I'm sending thoughts your way. Hopefully the judge rules in your favor!!

I believe he is just being bitter. Dont worry so much, take your papers in and tell the judge. Also show how u tried to compromise with him. Dont argue with this ex at all. Keep every conversation between u two. I believe the judge will let u get ur son for ur wedding. He may have u hand him over afterwards to the ex. Then again he just may have the weekend switched all together.

Im gonna say this pray about it and put it in God's hands. Good luck with it.

Wow-- moving across the street?!?! That would creep me out