Ex Wife trying to hijack MY wedding date

Major applause for what Centerpiece said.

No more information is needed...leave it up to your FH if he wants to change the date to the time he knows he has the kids. Legally, the schedule of visitation does not concern you. I know the reality is different and it is wonderful that you want the children to attend, I am sure you treat them as your own. But you really, really should tread lightly and not operate under the assumption that their mother's actions are to harm you and FH (even if maybe they are). Take the high road. If she gets to pick holidays next year and she picks that one, so be it. Let FH decide if he wants to change the date because of it.

You are marrying into this. She will always be a part of your life. Try to keep things civil,even if she may not.

That is ridiculous! I would totally take her back to court. There is no reason to make this difficult for the kids for no reason. I just don't get people!!

I'd change the date to be sure

I'm sorry you're going through this. We're planning for June 12th and are hoping that the ex wife doesn't decide to pull something and not let the kids attend.

On that note, I would chose the safe date that will allow the kids to come.

I would tell her you changed the date, but leave it in July. What if she still tries to take them in may?

Ex-wives pulling something? Good lord.

Ladies, these women walked away from the men you're marrying. It didn't work. They don't want your men. They want to make sure their children are alright.

I don't get all of this "she wants him and is jealous of our wedding" nonsense. NO, she's not. She's glad to be rid of him; if not, she'd still be with him. Newsflash -- she isn't jealous, not in the slightest. If you detect any static, it's because she's worried about how this wedding will affect her children. As far as she's concerned, he can move across the globe and have a harem, as long as he sends her the appropriate child support.

I spend time in family court as a part of my job. Sadly, many women and men yank their kids around to try and hurt their partners. Has nothing to do with wanting them back. It's just a level of anger and disappointment and perceived betrayal that some people have and don't deal with appropriately. I have watched parents try to punish each other by denying the other parent their lawful access, and (worse) by dumping the kids on the ex. I deeply wish the world looked like Centerpiece's statements. I have seen first hand that it does not for some families.

It is always good advice to remain neutral and to be skeptical about anyone who talks poorly about their ex. Takes two to make a bad divorce.

Centerpiece makes many good points. The feelings of the children come first and foremost, and their mother isn't the villain here.

@Centerpiece, that is not always the case, some women are very vindictive and it's not all about the kids and more about them being in they feelings. I know so many people who have issues because the ex can't let go, and even if they walked away sometimes they still just want to make the ex husband miserable. I know people on both ends of the spectrum.

Sorry, I have to disagree. The fact of the matter is, there are ex wives out there who ARE vindictive. It's how I lost my sisters. 80% may not be that way, but there are also plenty who are. This ex may or may not be acting that way, we don't know. And a woman who truly was acting in the best interest of her kids would not put them in the middle like that. That is not at all fair to them, and truly harmful.

Did I miss something about an ex being jealous and still wanting their ex husband? I'm on mobile now so I may have scrolled too fast.

OriginalKD: nope.

I'd change the date if you know for sure he has the kids

If you reframe your thinking from, "She's hijacking MY wedding date" (this thread's title) to, "She's trying to ruin FH's wedding!" then it becomes you and FH united against this shrew, instead of her against you and FH maybe backing you up and maybe not. Change the date, ruin her attempt to ruin her ex's wedding, and your FH will forever be grateful to you.

I agree @Zoe

Definitely see about changing the date. That way you know the kids will be there and not risk them not being able to attend.

FH's kids adore him. He has an incredibly close relationship with his kids. They adore him and tolerate their mother. They really want to be at the wedding because they were a part of the proposal and they have been a part of my life and my daughter's life for the last 3 years.

This woman is straight up evil. She has even been recorded in legal documents from the custodial re-evaluator as " difficult" and mentally unstable. Yes they were married 13 years and they would have stayed married per FH for the sake of the kids but she pulled the plug and started divorce proceedings. FH was devastated but he accepted it. Divorce drug out for 3 years and then one week after the ink was dry, ex wife filed an order for a custodial re- eval that took one year and cost FH $20k.

I do my best to stay out of their situation. She and I have been together at sporting and school events. She has gotten in my face and been super ugly to me. She does everything in her power to prevent FH from seeing/talking to the kids even when they want despite a judge giving them each 50% physical and legal custody.

The kids are distraught about the idea of not being able to be at the wedding.

Talked to FH at dinner tonight. He wants to hold firm on our July date until he has speaks to his lawyer.

I don't think there was any insinuation by the OP that she is trying to replace their mom. I think she is just trying to plan a wedding without being at the mercy of another person who is 'likely' to change her date.