Everything is going wrong, what should we do

Do wants makes you and your FH happy. Unless they are financially contributing tell them to fall back. It's going to always be somebody to disagree. Don't get discouraged continue with the plans you have any maybe stop sharing information about the wedding.

No pay, no say. Don't let someone who isn't contributing keep adding to your guest list. If it's causing you that much stress, eloping is always an option, but in the meantime keep holding your ground and setting boundaries.

You should do what's best for you and your fiance. Sounds like you guys need to sit down and talk to your FMIL about all this. You shouldn't be attacked for making wise financial decisions.

If you're paying for everything you get to make your own decisions. You can't make everyone happy, it's impossible. Just do what will make you guys happy.

What RATR said. Listen to her, she is smart.

I'm sorry you're having to go through this and it's making you upset about the process that should be exciting and fun! It's not always this stressful, but all of us deal with the family member drama or friend BS during the course of our engagement... I know I already have and we are only a month into planning!!!

To an extent I think you just need to put your foot down though, to all of the people that are trying to make YOUR day about THEM. Maybe you have already tried and that's not an option but I do hope that standing your ground more could help. Good luck Jessa - we are here for you!

I agree with PPs, if these people aren't financially contributing, they have no say. Thank them for their input and let them know you and your FH will take their suggestion into consideration.

Do the things you can afford and what is best for your FH and you. Stand strong and be firm about your decisions. Don't feel bad or get discouraged, it'll all turn out OK,

Thank you for the words of encouragement, I really appreciate all the support.

This is something every bride will go through at some point. Sometimes it's meant well, other times it comes from people being judgmental bastards. Compromise on what you can, put your foot down and smile and say "Thanks, we're handling this" where you don't want to give in. When meddlers ask you how the planning is going, give them something really generic, smile, and change the subject.

Good luck and here's hoping this helps you prioritize and enjoy your planning a bit more!

If you are paying then you decide. If they are attacking you, don't talk about the wedding and end the conversation right then and there.

Do your thing, send your invites, hire who you want, invite who you want and let it be that.

I agree with everything said so far. And honestly, if this process really is making you both miserable and you'd much rather elope then I say go for it. Have you hired any vendors yet? If you won't lose any deposits then you can just hire a photographer, get a dress and suit have a great time at the courthouse and a super fancy dinner out.

I feel you - we're in the same situation, buying a house and paying for a wedding. There have been plenty of unsolicited opinions about the wedding, but it's our dime and we were very firm about our plans. Make sure you and FH are on the same page about how to respond to family wedding demands, so it's a consistent message of "no thank you!" And most importantly, don't expand the wedding to suit other's wants. Have a wedding you can afford that reflects what you want.

"what should we do"

Let me introduce you to my three step plan to success!

Make a plan for what you want to do.

Arrange your path so the goals are met.

stop sharing details of your wedding with people who are not invited.

You are not going to make everyone else happy. This day is about you marrying the person you love. As long as you and your FH are happy that is what matters most. I have decided that if people say something about my wedding, I just ask if they want to pay for it. The answer has always been no. So I say then it is not up to you. You are paying so do what makes sense for you.

Is your FMIL paying for the wedding or contributing financially at all?! Otherwise she has absolutely NO say in this at all. Tell her if she wants to invite more people she can absolutely pay for them herself. The higher the guest list, the higher the bill. This is YOU and FH's day! Do it how you want!

Agree with the PP that said no pay, no say.

If you like the deacon the deacon is great and the marriage is still valid. If the parents wanted more say they should pay. Have the wedding y'all can afford. Good luck!!

I totally get what you're saying! My FH comes from a large family, the youngest of 6. I've always wanted a small intimate wedding, but it's very hard. His mom then guilt tripped him into more than doubling our guest list! I was so angry, but he said it's what he wanted so I let it slide. She has since come forward and said, I think your guest list needs cut back, you don't want to make this something it's not....Talk about frustrating. I've switched from having our wedding in our home town, since that's where most everyone is to having our wedding in the Cleveland area where I am (totally diff state!). I've decided I'm done catering to others. This is now about what I want! I've put my wedding off twice now, further and further out each time catering to others. I just want to be married to my man!!!! (We may be sneaky and elope before and not tell anyone.)

I guess what I'm saying is, no one is going to put your foot down for you. It's time to stick to your guns! Don't be afraid to call the shots that will best work for you and your FH. I'm done doing what others want, it's my turn and my time to shine! I'd suggest you do the same Best wishes!!!!

The only thing I really see going wrong per se is your MOH Being out of this. What happened?

The rest of the drama is simply other people pushing for what THEY want at your wedding. Unless they're paying, stop trying to please everyone.