Etiquette: gaps?

My logic was 3:45 latest start time + 0:45 ceremony + 0:15 for people sticking around the church and sending us off in the getaway car + 0:45 to drive, park, and settle down = 5:30 so I feel like even though that's an overestimate I don't want to push up the reception any earlier. And we have the latest start time allowed for the ceremony because our church has a Saturday service.

Parking is another concern actually. There's plenty of parking but it's in a garage and my wedding coordinator with the venue said most brides don't pay for the guests parking. Is it really a must to pay for parking? I feel bad that I just listened to my coordinator and didn't work this into the budget.

So your ceremony realistically won't finish until 4:30, and then guests as PPs said don't run out, and between parking and freshening up, this really isn't a gap. I'd say you're good!

I went to a Catholic wedding with a large gap - EVERYONE was annoyed. Stop thinking everyone is fine with it because it's what you're used to, or what's common in your family, or social circles. They just don't want to be rude back to you by telling you they're annoyed at having to sit around playing with themselves while waiting to EAT.

Your timeline works in the best possible scenario for you. Starting late is sort of sucky for those who got there on time, and most will be there early. So in that scenario, 3:30 plus :30 plus :10 plus :35 = 4:45 and a :45 minute unhosted gap. I personally wouldn't be comfortable assuming a best case scenario on this one and would start at 5:00.

We had one that was about 3 hours. In those 3 hours we went out and took some amazing pictures around the city. I am from St. Louis so yes I had to have Arch pictures, Busch Stadium and Forest Park fountains. Those dominate the pictures on display in my home and at work. Gaps are common in my family and everyone was local or knew people local, like their siblings. I recently went to a wedding for my husbands coworker with a gap of about 2-3 hrs in Hannibal Mo. Its a historic town (Mark Twain books) and we went out for lunch with another couple and checked into our hotel ( on the other side of town, oops) and then went to the reception. I could have easily walked around the town for a bit to kill time.

Gaps are rude. If it's common to your area or your family you're just saying that people are used to rudeness. I would never tell a bride how pissed I was about her gap wedding but they are awful.

It's a gap that's okay for a half hour travel time. What if there's traffic, construction, or an accident? What if someone wants to stop for a coffee? Again, you don't want to rush them. 5:30 is fine.

Your gap is too long, yeah. If your ceremony ends at 4pm, or even if it takes people an hour to get to the venue and park, what the heck are they supposed to do until 5:30? Sit in their cars?

It would be best if you could pay for their parking. Your guests are already spending hundreds to come to your wedding (attire, gifts, travel, lodging, etc), so they really shouldn't have to pay for anything during the ceremony/reception. That's why cash bars are rude - you're asking guests to pay for a thank you party you're throwing for them.

If you can pay, that's the best case scenario. If not, make sure your guests know they'll have to pay. There's lots of weddings where I only brought my id with me, so I would've been SOL if I had to pay for anything

I mean, you could always start the reception early. You can have the officiant make an announcement that the reception begins immediately and have music and apps and such in the reception venue, this removing the need for a separate "cocktail hour." I've been to weddings with a gap and weddings without a gap. My mom actually got so offended that my cousin had a cocktail hour instead of immediately coming to the reception that she told her congratulations when she walked in and then we left before dinner. My DH's cousin and his wife had a 2 hour gap. They had swing dance lessons for the gap but it was so kitschy that no one participated because they were like uh, why? His parents are still pissed about that gap too.

ETA: this way, your guests are taken care of and you can take photos and then come to the reception later. But, I would say that gaps are a reason to do photos beforehand. All of them.

Would it change things if the guests were allowed to be in the venue and cocktail hour area whenever they arrived but alcohol wouldn't be served until 5:30? I need to double check but I think that's okay with my venue.

I hate gaps. OP, you're really not talking about a gap, but I would ask the venue to be ready at 5:00.

If you start at 3:30, you end at 4:15, people drive to the venue, they'll be there at 4:45. They also hav to exit the church and get into the cars; they don't just vaporize from point A to point B.. I personally think your fine.

As for hours in between?? No. It's rude, it's an imposition on people's time....no one wants to spend an entire day at your event, no matter how much they love you. And what do you do with three hours? I even hate it when I have a morning and an evening wedding too far from home to go there.

And pay for parking. Your coordinator was wrong.

I'd probably go to one or the other and then leave. I personally don't have 14 hours to spend at a party.

Catholic bride here and I refused to have a gap. I found a church that'll allow us to have a later ceremony. Several of my other Catholic friends have done this as well. Our ceremony is at 5:00, will last about 45 minutes, and cocktail hour starts at 6:30. In those 45 minutes I figure guests will mingle/catch up right after the ceremony, make their way to the reception venue, or run back to their hotel rooms and freshen up. If anyone gets there a little early, the venue also has a bar they can grab a drink at.

I've been stressing over having a gap in our guest's day lately. My brother just got married and they had about an hour between the end of the service and the beginning of cocktail hour. When I brought it up to my mom she said she actually enjoyed the chance to go back to the hotel and relax a little to "recharge" for the reception. She got some cheese/crackers and wine and had a little get-together in the hotel with our side of the family (pretty small, about 20 people). Just thought I would share her 2 cents since this is such a hot topic. Still not sure how I feel about it though since I think she shouldn't have to be hosting anything on my wedding day :/

I think a lot of factors go into the "gap" decision (e.g., distance between sites). Personally, I'm not a fan of gaps--one wedding I went to had a 45 min gap and the venue was 10 min from the church, so people were awkwardly hanging around before the start of cocktail hour. I might suggest having a longer cocktail hour so guests can arrive at their own pace, but not be waiting around to be let into the venue. I totally understand that having a gap might be logistically necessary, but just wanted to add my two cents

FH was in a wedding with a 3 hour gap. I love his family, but that was a lot of time with FMIL without a buffer. I agree that gaps are incredibly rude. Your guests have traveled to spend this day with you, spent money on flights, gas, hotels, etc., and now they have to entertain themselves for two hours. That's why it's rude.

This sounds like a very very small gap. Personally I'd push the reception start time to 5pm (and end at 11pm), but you should be fine! If you can pay for your guests parking I'd definitely do so!!

I'm having a catholic wedding so my ceremony will be around an hour long, with it starting at 3:00. My reception venue suggested having my reception begin at 5. The Church is about 20 min. from the reception venue, and this seemed like a ridiculous gap to me. I'm torn between going with my gut and having my reception begin at 4:30 with a cocktail hour, and with going with the advice of the reception coordinator.

My venue is in the middle of a very popular leaf peeping spot for city people. FH and I did a drive through the area during the same weekend this year and decided for us a big time gap is the only way to go.

I've been to a bunch of Italian catholic "gap" weddings. Usually the parents of the bride and/or groom have some snacks and refreshments at their house or the hotel may have a room available for something like that. Once, the church had a room downstairs with cookies and such. Or you should be a grown up and figure it out on your own. Get coffee with a friend or read a darn book. People get offended on this site so easily and THEY are the rude ones to be honest. Making people feel bad for things like this. We're not professional wedding planners. Isn't the title of this forum "advice and eddiquite"? Or is it "yell at me for something that I don't know about and I'm just asking for help"? lol If you need a gap, gap away! Good luck!