Etiquette: gaps?

So what are your guests doing for that hour from 4:30-5:30? Are you having a cocktail hour?

Our *hopeful* plan is to not have a gap of more than 10-15 min. Our ceremony will be 30 min from the reception site. With the cocktail hour starting roughly 45 min after the ceremony. To give everyone 15 min to park and find it.

That's not really a gap. By the time they go to their car after the ceremony, drive, park,...... That's going to take up most of it. That gives guests a time after they park to freshen up, use facilities.....

Besides you're ceremony is "scheduled" for 3:30. Most never start on time. It might not even start till 3:45

If your wedding ends at 4 and it takes 30-40 minutes to get there and park, you're guests will have up to an hour gap between arriving and cocktail hour. Would you want to sit around picking your nose for an hour?

I would either bump cocktail hour to 4:30 or move the wedding to 4:30

I am having a large gap. But that is common with my FH family. There are legit 28 people in the bridal party. Not including grandparents, parents, aunts and uncles. We are having a Mass at 1pm. Pictures to follow at a State Park then the hotel to follow for the bridal party with early check in cocktail hour and drinks.

I know it's frowned upon. But marrying into a LARGE family, this is what they all do. It works for them. So....

I am a BM in my FSIL's wedding in March and she is planning a 2.5 hour gap between the end of the ceremony and the start of the reception. We are expected to go to the photo site and wait around while her and the new hubby take their photos, photog says our photos will only take about 30 minutes, which still leaves 1.5 hours (with round trip travel time) for us to do....nothing. The other guests will have 2 hours to do nothing but kill time and wait. It is a huge inconvenience for everyone involved except the bride and groom, who will be too excited/busy/whatever to notice or care.

Seriously, I would re-think your timeline if at all possible. For the sake of your family and friends, please re-think this.

There is never a good reason for a gap, and it is always fixable. While are gaps are common for some folks (usually Catholics) that doesn't make them any less rude.

We have a large gap but it is very common in my area to have a gap. Many weddings I've been to in my area have had a 3 hour gap and there was no problem.

I disagree on the gap issue. We need to have a gap because the church will not let us have a later wedding than 1 pm. I think your family and friends will understand. I actually prefer a small break as a guest in weddings with no gap when my now fiancé and I had to sneak out half way through the reception and miss an hour of the fun to get some 5 hour energies and immune boosters to keep us going after a long day. I think the key here is to communicate and if people ask explain the situation and offer options of short local activities on your website (if you have one) to use the time. That is my two cents. My fiancés family that is traveling is actually in favor of it because they want to go back to the hotel to freshen up and have a breather.

No one "needs" to have a gap. It's poor hosting and rude to your guests. Many guests will choose to skip either the ceremony or the reception. Please people, redo your timeline, stretch the cocktail hour out, end earlier, and then have an after party if you are not finished partying. Every Catholic wedding I have been to in the last twenty years has done that, no gap. If they can host properly and avoid being rude to their guests then you can too.

One of the main purposes of a cocktail hour is to give your guests something to do while you take photos. Start the cocktail hour of the reception at 4:30, 5 at the absolute latest if you honestly think everything (ceremony, driving, parking) is going to take on the long side.

@Vanessa - what are your non-bridal party guests doing while 28 people take photos!? Your immediate family and BP may be ok with attending to wedding stuff during that time, but the rest of your guests don't want to just hang around. If the reception is in a hotel a bunch of people are going to end up having their own, out-of-pocket, cocktail hour in the bar just to kill time.

I don't mind gaps. Probably because I'm used to them.

I know gaps are frowned upon, but I feel like Catholics more than anyone are used to it. There isn't anything I can do about ours. We are taking pics with most of the guests (literally 90% of our wedding is family) so that eliminates some of it, but we are used to standing around the church talking while waiting for the reception.

You can always provide things to do, but people are adults and can figure it out. It also doesn't sound like you'll have that much of a gap, so I wouldn't worry too much.

This isn't really a gap. No one sprints out of a church the second the ceremony is over! Are guests checking into hotels? They may need to do that in between since most hotels have a 3 or 4 pm check in time.

I'm more concerned about the parking. Not sure where down town is, but is parking free? Is there a garage somewhere? Will guests have to pay to park? Or worse, will guests need to drive around searching for street parking? That to me is way more frustrating than needing to find something to do for an hour.

I've been to two Catholic weddings in the past twenty years with no gap (the rest of the weddings have been secular). So there's no excuse for a gap just poor planning. If you have a gap, I'm coming to either the ceremony or reception and not bringing a gift. You are asking your guests to give up a considerable portion of their day doing nothing and not hosting them.

Guests in many areas also "get used to" a wide variety of rude, poor hosting (cash bars, honeyfunds, potlucks, all the horrors) but familiarity and low expectations do not make those things less rude. If a community is used to a gap, a properly hosted wedding will be mind blowingly luxurious and thoughtful for them. Why not take the opportunity to do better? Every single wedding can be arranged so there is no gap. Having one is a clear communication to your guests that their comfort is not first on your list, and while you could have been a decent host, they just aren't worth the trouble.

Since there is a half hour travel time between ceremony and reception venue, there's not much of a gap. Ceremonies don't always start on time, and people don't always leave right away after. It would probably be close to 4:30- 4:45 when they clear out. By the time 5:30 rolls around, the last of your guests will be arriving. I've been to weddings like this, and when there's a lot of traveling involved, a gap is needed. The last thing you want is for your guests to feel rushed.

In my culture it is common to have a few hours between church ceremony and reception . My ceremony is at 3 and the reception starts at 6:30 . It's is also common that only close friends and family attend the ceremony and reception because of the gap.

I think you'd be fine if you could just start cocktail hour/open the bar at 5.