Engagement Party/Bridal Shower Norms

I would set a date first then go from there with planning the wedding shower.

This post is frustrating. The OP keeps repeating why she is an exception to the rule, and she will not listen to 50 people telling her that it is not appropriate to have a shower when her wedding is nowhere in the near future and a date isn't even set.

OP, I don't understand why you didn't have an engagement part a year ago when you got engaged (assuming someone could host it). You would have been able to include your grandmother in a wedding celebration and it would have been at an appropriate time.

Since you are so concerned with your grandmother participating, why not do a courthouse ceremony and have her as your witness.

@Emily...i am NOT an exception to any rule. If you read and understand my responses, it simply was an idea to do a celebration sooner rather than later because of my grandmother AND that I understand 2-3 months from now is too soon so my thought timeline is pushed months away closer to the timing of us moving in together and closer to our (more planned out) wedding date.

So one last time. I thought a small celebration combined with shower would be sufficient sooner rather than later to:

1. have my only grandmother present for an important milestone

2. save on costs by having 1 pre-wedding celebration instead of 2 or 3 (rehearsal dinner being the third which I am not interested in)

3. time it out well with us moving in together so that we can enjoy the lovely and generous gifts we receive from family and friends

I am NOT simply seeking someone to throw me a large, elaborate party so I can be the center of attention and receive fancy gifts long before a wedding.

1. A bridal shower is not a milestone

2. Costs to whom? If the people hosting cannot afford it they shouldn't throw you any pre wedding celebrations. They are not mandatory.

3. What??!!! So you do want gifts. This is why you won't consider having a celebratory dinner. And using your poor grandmother as an excuse.

You keep writing these elaborate posts but the only person confused here is you.

@Stephanie

1. celebrating an upcoming wedding where getting married is the milestone

2. costs to our parents/whoever else would host a small gathering of 20-ish people. I never said it was not affordable to anyone.

3. I don't know what it is like in other parts of the country, but I only know one person who did not have a shower before their wedding. I don't NEED a shower, but if one was to be given, I am shy and don't like to be the sole person at the center of attention so to have a combined celebration where my significant other is present alongside me, it would have even more special meaning to me!

3a. A celebratory dinner is nice and what I envision is one minor step ahead of a dinner with a few extra people and combine with it the fun shower-like aspect with silly games and all that goes with a shower.

And I am not confused. Most of the responses here were helpful and exactly what I was looking for. The rest of you are not thoroughly reading my responses that clearly address each and every one of your concerns and misunderstandings about my thoughts and intentions.

No - the shower is 3 months - 3 weeks before the wedding - IF someone wants to throw you a shower.

An August shower would be for a September - November wedding.

@Sarah, getting married now is not ideal, even just a courthouse wedding, because we aren't living together. We are working hard to save money so we can buy a small condo (instead of renting) by next summer.

Do you! As long as you and your fiancé are happy, that's what's important. But leave the planning to family & friends ??

I got it a long time ago guys...pretty much, good idea, bad timing. Thank you to all those who nicely pointed out that it is too soon. :-)

At some point in time after setting a date and choosing a venue, my fiance and I will look forward to be able to share in a small celebration with family and our bridal party.

THE END (unless you have something positively helpful to suggest)

:-)

"I do my thing and you do your thing.

I am not in this world to live up to your expectations,

And you are not in this world to live up to mine.

You are you, and I am I, and if by chance we find each other, it's beautiful.

If not, it can't be helped."