Engagement party, did you have one? Who did you invite?

I was going to do an engagement party. Even visited a restaurant to get more information for it. My mom wasn't on board with the idea because she said it was a waste of money. I'm glad I didn't have one and I'm putting the money toward something else.

If anything just have some close friends over for a potluck!

You don't throw your own party, someone throws one in your honor.

My in laws had one for us and I kind of regret it. It was 3 months after we got engaged due to scheduling issues and although we invited our friends and immediate family, only our family and BP showed up. I felt kind of dumb and gift grabby after that.

@Shelly yep that's why we are torn! We could use the money elsewhere. And a potluck would be fun but my parent's don't really have a good party house with a big backyard or anything. :/

@Emmy my parents would throw it...

@chelsea you could always consider a park. Or maybe a very nice and willing friend to host

If someone wants to throw you a party, it can be really lovely to celebrate this new chapter with close friends and family. Our family friend threw us one and it was a lot of fun! Be sure to only invite those actually invited to the wedding.

@Elyse yes! gift-grabby, that's another reason why I'm iffy. It feels weird to me having all these celebrations for us. Wedding, engagement party, bridal shower, bachelor/bachelorette parties...

@Shelly A park is a great idea! Not sure why I didn't think of that haha

@SMH yeah we would definitely only invite people who will be invited to the wedding, but we wouldn't invite everyone invited to the wedding to the engagement party if that makes sense.

They're fun... we sort of had one, just an informal dinner with friends right after our engagement. I've been to a few more formal ones. A lot of times they're used for the two families to have a chance to get to know each other.

You said your parents would throw it but they don't have a good house for it? Whoever is hosting it needs to actually host it, no potlucks or BYOB or something like that for a formal engagement party with printed invitations. And don't ask someone to host it.

@Rebecca I think we would do what Shelly suggested and have it at a park or rent out a room in a restaurant. And our parents and families have never met, which is a big reason why it might be a good idea for us.

I've only ever been to one engagement party and it's because the couple lives and will marry on the west coast and were in town (we live in VA) for Thanksgiving. In essence, it's the only time they will be able to celebrate on the east coast and realize that a bunch of people won't make the trip to CA for their wedding. It was a casual party at a restaurant with close friends, probably 25 people tops. It was thrown by the bride's parents. The invitation said, no gifts. My parents were invited and included a gift card in their card, as they know they won't attend the wedding in CA.

Nope. No regrets

We kind of had two. A couple hours after we got engaged, all of our friends and FH surprised me with a dinner get together at a nice restaurant. And then the next day what was supposed to be a regular Sunday lunch at my parents' house was actually a ton of my family and his family with lots of good food, etc.

No gifts at either one, just a lot of celebration, alcohol, and food.

We didn't have one, and so far I haven't heard of anyone in my circle having one either. But shortly after our engagement we did happen to go out with our core friend group, and honestly it kind of felt like an engagement party since we talked about it so much and the timing. Since there were also a lot of birthdays and other stuff at the same time, we put each others names in a hat and all drew one and didn't tell each other and then we bought whichever drink we thought sounded best from the specialty cocktail section at our favorite bar and then handed the drink to the right person when they arrived.

It was a fun low-key way to celebrate I thought

I wasn't going to have one...but the ladies at work wanted to throw me one. It was more like a girls night out. I made it clear "no gifts" because I don't think it is fair to ask people to bring a gifts to every occasion. A couple people did bring gifts. I don't think I would have wanted any family member to throw one for us as a couple. It feels like too much attention and as someone else said "gift grabby". I think they are pretty common, though.

My FIL threw us a small family BBQ to celebrate our engagement. It was his immediate family and my brother and SIL who live close. It was a nice afternoon. Really, just a good excuse to have a relzed BBQ.

I did not have an engagement party. FYI they are not a gift-giving occasion so I wouldn't worry about being "gift-grabby" for having one.

Jessi, I don't agree that an e-party is not a gift giving occasion. I would never go to an e-party empty handed.

ETA: To clarify, I mean a fully hosted e-party. A casual or BYOB get together would be different.

@Jessi yeah I agree with Elyse. I'm going to a friend's e-party next weekend and am going to at least bring a nice card and bottle of wine. I'd feel weird not bringing anything. For my own I wouldn't expect anything from anyone, but I personally would bring one for my friends/family.

No, it doesn't seem necessary. The wedding is to celebrate the couple. I understand a small family get-together, but having another party a year before the wedding to celebrate that same couple seems excessive.

My mom threw two (lol) engagement parties for us in my hometown. It was partly so that we could celebrate with those who couldn't come to Canada, and partly to introduce my in-laws to family and friends. I'm guessing she wasn't able to find a place to host the number of people she wanted there, so she split it into two parties.

To answer your question: party #1 was for friends of the family, and it was about 10 couples/families that have always been close to us. Party #2 was just for the extended family: aunts, uncles, cousins and my godmother. Both were hosted at restaurants. I didn't invite my own friends because I felt the guest list was already too huge.

ETA: Regarding gifts, I had no idea people would bring gifts. Most people brought us cards (with cash) and I felt very awkward because I wasn't expecting it. I hadn't joined WW yet - that would have prepared me for that! Lol