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Chelsea
Just Said Yes May 2020

Eloping and postponing big Wedding- will it still be special?

Chelsea, on May 3, 2020 at 1:13 PM Posted in Etiquette and Advice 3 41
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Because of the current situation my FH and I decided to elope just the two of us, an officiant, and a photographer. I just want to marry this man already. After 1 1/2 years of planning we don’t want to wait. The wedding was originally 5/30/20 now postponed to 5/8/21. I am excited to marry him and really I know that’s all that matters. But I can’t help worry that if we are already married no one will care about the wedding day. That I will miss out on my bridal shower and bachelorette party, and the excitement of the day will be gone. Did anyone else elope and have the wedding later? Did you miss out on these events? I’ve been planning and dreaming of this day for so long, I really don’t want to lose out on those memories. Let me know your thoughts.

41 Comments

  • Melle
    Rockstar June 2019
    Melle ·
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    My friends did this last year and it didn’t seem like it made it any less special. In fact they changed their mind about having a celebration! They didn’t even want one initially but decided they really wanted to celebrate with their friends and family. So I think it will be special because you’d get to celebrate it with people who care about you
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  • Chrysta
    Rockstar November 2021
    Chrysta ·
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    Girl, this was exactly my struggle when trying to decide whether to postpone our wedding! our wedding was scheduled for November 2020. But, from the looks of things, I don’t think people are going to feel safe traveling at that time. And, I will not even entertain the idea of having my wedding during any season other than fall, so I did not want to chance our vendors being all booked up Fall of 2021. So we decided to pull the trigger and reschedule for next year. It was a ridiculously hard decision to make because we have been planning our wedding for a year & a half now (it would have been two years engaged at our original wedding date). Now, we will have been engaged for three whole years by the time our new date rolls around! We talked about getting married with just the two of us and our Officiant and Photographer- or possibly even with just our parents and siblings as well- on our original date; then having the “wedding” next year on the new date. But, like you said, it wouldn’t even be a wedding any longer – it would be a vow renewal. Which, honestly, I don’t think would be as special and I don’t think people would be as excited about. My cousin did this a few years ago – they eloped in Vegas then had a vow renewal/reception back home. No one threw her a shower. She didn’t get a bachelorette party. And only about 1/4 of the people they invited actually showed up. I’m going to be honest, had I not already been scheduled to be in town to visit my family, I wouldn’t have gone either. I just figured they were already married so what’s the point? Thinking back on that, I made my decision to just postpone the wedding and wait until then to get married. It sucks having to wait soooooo long.... but I think the pay off will be worth it! Plus, I just don’t think it would feel as special to ME next year if we were already married. I knew in my heart that I would regret it. I think you just need to look inside your own heart and figure out what is best for you. If you think eloping now is the best thing for you guys, then I say go for it! If there is that nagging feeling that doing that is going cheapen the experience for you later, then maybe wait until you can have the wedding you had envisioned. I figure, we only get one shot at our wedding – do it in a way that you have no regrets!
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  • Chelsea
    Just Said Yes May 2020
    Chelsea ·
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    Thank you so much for your honesty. Everyone keeps saying it won’t cheapen the experience but I really think it will. I think we are going to wait. That’s what my heart is telling me.
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  • Belle
    Super July 2020
    Belle ·
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    In my honest opinion, it’s all about how you feel about it. You can feel disappointment if you think that way, and you can feel special if you think it is special.


    Imagine it and make decisions base on how you feel about it.
    🥂
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  • Belle
    Super July 2020
    Belle ·
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    I think you pretty much have the answer here.


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  • Ruth
    Beginner July 2021
    Ruth ·
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    I am in a similar place. We postponed our wedding to July 17, 2021. We are planning on getting married on our original date of July 17, 2020. We are not telling any of our friends and family. We are going to celebrate it with our officiant (who is my FH’s cousin) and that’s it. We were concerned too that people wouldn’t make an effort to attend if they knew we were already married. I moved to Georgia from
    California and most of my family and friends are still there. So there is a lot of travel
    And planning that is involved in having them attend and we believe that if they new that we were already married, they wouldn’t have the vested interest to spend the money to attend. I don’t feel like we are not being honest. We have just chosen to have our ceremony our way. We want to be husband and wife. But because of the current events happening in the world, it has caused to be a little more creative. I want to be able to experience my bridal shower and/or bachelorette party. And I also want to walk down the aisle as a bride. My FH and I are fine with our decision and that is all that matters to us. You need to go with your heart. Good luck to you!
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  • Kari
    VIP May 2020
    Kari ·
    • Flag

    I have had several friends do a small private wedding then a big party after. The parties didn't have any sort of ceremony at all, but they were fun. I have never heard any of those friends say anything but positive things (if they regret it, they haven't said so to me). I also had friends who secretly eloped, told no one, and then had a full wedding and reception a year later (their families still think they've been married a year less then they legally have). I actually reached out to them because we had to cancel our wedding and are thinking of eloping (but not keeping it a secret) then doing a wedding and reception later, and they said they highly recommend it!

    I don't think it will feel the same, but I think if you try to focus on what you gain by having two events (two unique wedding looks, more photos, special time with just your guy, possibly less pressure/stress/drama, two different venues with totally different looks, etc) instead of what you lose out on by not having a traditional event, you can make it your own, make it special, and not have regrets. But really its about what is important to you and your partner, and you should make your decision based on what feels right to you.

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  • Sarah
    Devoted March 2021
    Sarah ·
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    My fiancé and I postponed our wedding from November 2020 to March 2021. I kept thinking we could still do a small intimate wedding in November and have the party in March. We decided to wait until March to get married, because we know our family will only travel to our wedding is if we get married and have the reception at the sometime. I would honestly say wait because you might regret it.
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  • Mary Rose
    Savvy May 2020
    Mary Rose ·
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    My fiance and I have the same original date as you. FH thought about eloping and moving wedding but we wanted a Catholic wedding and I didn't want to have to deal with a convalidation. I really wanted to have a church ceremony because it's important to us and our families. We are having a tiny ceremony with 10 guests on 5/30 and moving our reception to August 16th. At first I wanted to postpone everything, but what if society is still nervous and gatherings still aren't allowed? I don't want to wait to marry him and have it get postponed again. We will have photos with everyone and our fancy attire for the reception. I have accepted that things are going to be different and that's okay. Smiley smile I get to marry my man in 26 days and that's exciting! I had a harder time finding a town hall to get a marriage license because everyone is either closed or booked.
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  • Danielle
    Devoted November 2020
    Danielle ·
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    I don't think it would make it less special. I think you could talk to your family.

    I am sure a family member or friend would do that for you if you wanted them to even it it was a year later given the circumstances. If you still have a party planned they will come if you let them know your plan. I am considering that as well but waiting a few months to see. I have been planning this over a year and a half so bummed but ultimately I know we will make it special ourselves. Your family loves you they will know this is a big deal and they will celebrate even if it is a year later. Do what you feel in your heart is best.

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  • Nefetera
    Rockstar March 2015
    Nefetera ·
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    Well we eloped and was going to renew this year and sadly all the excitement of planning is no longer happening due to CVIOD 19 however while planning it felt just as special as me being married for the 1st time. I had alot of supported. I never had a real bachelorette event my 1st time wen we decied to get married however that was thrown for me as a " Renewal Bacholorette " it felt as my 1st time being a bride....i feel ppl will take it as serious and as important
    • Reply
  • Valencia
    Just Said Yes October 2020
    Valencia ·
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    I needed to read this. We get married Oct. 24 this year and I also will not entertain the idea of a different season than fall or even month! But my Fiancé wants to elope and have a reception later, but I just won’t feel like that will be special as it would... I have been struggling with the idea of postponing because we will be a year and half engaged by our wedding date and adding another year would suck! I know marrying your significant other is the most important thing, but you really do get married once and I want to make the best memory possible.
    I want to make a decision end July, I’m just stressed with the idea of not knowing and I’m sure many brides are as well.
    I’m also weird with dates and 2021 sounds so weird to me. So I don’t know how I’ll feel about next year! 10-24-20 sounds good to me ):
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  • Lauren
    Dedicated October 2020
    Lauren ·
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    Girlfriend! I am in the same boat as you. My fiancé and I are supposed to be married 10.17.2020. My fiancé is really pushing for an elopement, but I don't want to cave and say okay until I know for certain that the wedding the way we plan can't happen. I probably won't decide until like August or September honestly, unless something drastic happens. But yes I get the whole being stressed part and it is hard to enjoy the engagement and wedding process when the world feels like it is hitting the fan and the unknown is just raining down on everyone.

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  • Chrysta
    Rockstar November 2021
    Chrysta ·
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    You’re welcome! Sometimes we just need somebody to validate what our hearts are already telling us. If your gut instinct is that you are going to regret not having the wedding you had envisioned, then it’s worth the wait! Don’t try to force something for convenience and try to convince yourself you’re ok with it- you can’t take it back once it’s done!
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  • Chrysta
    Rockstar November 2021
    Chrysta ·
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    Yes!!... I am weird with dates too!! We had the most perfect date this year!! I know it sounds silly, but that was one of the driving forces for me not wanting to postpone our wedding LOL Gotta say though, once we made the decision & pulled the trigger with rescheduling, I was surprised with how relieved I felt! I still have moments where I think man that sucks we had to postpone - I was all prepared to celebrate this year!! But overall, I am relieved to no longer have the stress of not knowing what is going on with our date. And there is no doubt in my mind at all that we decided to postpone another year to have the wedding of our dreams instead of settling for something small that I had never envisioned. With you being a fall bride, you still have time to wait and watch to see how things play out with this pandemic. My best advice would be to just listen to your heart. If it is telling you that you will regret not having the wedding you have been planning, then it is worth it to postpone! I drove myself nuts for weeks trying to decide what to do. Until I finally just stopped, listened to my heart, and was completely honest with myself. That’s when I realized I was trying to convince myself that I was OK with a courthouse wedding, or just parents & siblings, etc on our original date. But inside I really wasn’t ok with it because I knew that it would take away that once- in-a-lifetime experience of my wedding. Follow your heart and do you what’s right for you girl!
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  • Jesse
    Just Said Yes June 2026
    Jesse ·
    • Flag
    My cousin got eloped after 4 months of knowing the girl because they knew it was right and had a big wedding at a historic treasury 2 years later and it was 100% just as special and memorable even though they were already married.
    • Reply
  • Mia
    Dedicated July 2020
    Mia ·
    • Flag
    Hi, we have been postponing our wedding for 2 years now, we have paid monies out for our venue, and forfeited because if an emergency surgeries we couldn't keep our previous wedding date, all together we have put off our wedding 4-5 times already, and to put off again till July 25th, seems like a lifetime ago. At this point we have stopped planning and unsure of what moves to make. We may end up just getting married to a thrown together wedding at home. I plan to sell both of my wedding dresses online, and all the other items I didnt get to use. So yeah, we may get married at home.
    • Reply
  • Chelsea
    Just Said Yes May 2020
    Chelsea ·
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    I totally agree about the 2021 thing! That annoyed me as well!
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  • Chelsea
    Just Said Yes May 2020
    Chelsea ·
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    Aww thank you for this input I’m glad to hear it.
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  • Chelsea
    Just Said Yes May 2020
    Chelsea ·
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    Yes it’s such a weird time to be in. How could we ever have prepared for this. Good luck to you!
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