Eloping after a Breakup

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Were you guys considering getting married before the breakup? Do you want a wedding or is eloping something you would want to do regardless? To me, him suggesting eloping is not a sign of being all in.

After reading his reasoning, I definitely suggest couples counseling if getting back into a relationship with him is something you want. DO NOT rush into marriage! There is nothing wrong with working through this first, and getting married later.

Nope. Nope, nope, nope. Big red flags here. He has a history of doing this. He just repeated that history. He broke up with you for what reason? Now wants to hurry up and elope? Absolutely not. If you're serious and he is serious about getting married, get counseling and dont even think about marriage talk for a good six months. Then see if he can wait that long and whether you still want to get married at that point.

If he is willing to be with you forever, then there is no reason to rush into an elopement. He can find other ways to show you he is all in, such as couples counseling or continuing to date for a while. If you two have determined you do want to jump back into high gear, maybe jump into an engagement rather than a marriage. He can excellently demonstrate his 'all in' attitude with being an active and equal partner in the wedding planning process, since you two had already toured venues. This will also have the added benefit of giving both of you time to solidify that this is the forever you really, truly want. Good luck and best wishes!

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You should get married because you love each other and want to spend your lives together, not to prove anything to anyone (including yourselves). I wouldn't elope right after a break-up. It's impulsive. Why is he suddenly in a hurry?

I agree with what other people are saying. I don't think eloping right after being broke up for two months is a good idea. In the beginning of my relationship with my fiance, we broke up for 2 months. We had only been together for about 6 months. He had moved out of state and wanted to start over so he ended things with me. Fast forward two months later, we met up and he said he wanted to give us another shot. I was nervous at first, but I was still very much in love with him. We worked on our relationship and I moved in with him 2 months after we got back together. Part of the reason we moved in so quickly after getting back together was because the long distance was tough on our relationship. We lived together for over two years before he proposed. If he really wants to show he is committed to you then he needs to work on rebuilding the relationship not just jump into marriage. Also, do you even want to elope? If you have always dreamed of having a wedding then I would also highly recommend not eloping because you don't want to regret it.

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Taylor that is the lamest excuse of a man I have ever heard. Run.. Don't walk away!! (he wanted to see if there was someone out there he is more compatible with)

You will find someone else who is worthy of your love, Life is too short for games, and that is what I believe is happening here. Hes not in love with you move on!! Good Luck

My FH and I broke up at one point. It was me that didn't know what I wanted. I had started dating him immediately after a 5 year relationship had ended. After breaking up, he gave me my space for a little while but then started checking in. I am really glad he didn't give up! We weren't talking about marriage prior to breaking up though. Good luck!

I think you already know what you should do.

My parents were high school sweethearts, dated 4 years. They were planning a wedding. They broke up, Don’t know all those details or how long they were apart. They got back together and wanted to get married. My moms parents weren’t happy with that, so they ran off to the court house without telling them. Grandma is still bitter about that. They’ll be married 34 years this September and are more in love today than they were then.
All that to say, couples break up and get back together and live happily ever after. It happens. That time apart can help open your eyes and you really see what you want from life. But, only you know your situation and this guy (not sure what term to use, ex?). What do you think is right? What made him realize he wants to be with you? Can/do you trust him? You have to figure out the answers to these before you can decide, I think.

You said you were looking at venues before the breakup. Is an elopement something YOU want? If this is some big thing that’s supposed to show you he’s “all in” now I wouldn’t jump into it. After a breakup and then getting back together everything feels just perfect for awhile and there’s that high from that. If he’s totally committed then he can show that by going to couples counseling and working through this with you. I’m sure there are things you both need to work through. Then, when you both are ready he can give you a proper proposal and the big whole wedding or elopement, whichever it is the both of you prefer. I wouldn’t rush back into anything. You two need to date each other again and work through this.

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I am very sorry to say this Taylor, but I agree fully with what Sarah has said here. I am going to give you some honest advice and unfortunately, this may not be what you want to hear.

I do not know you or your fiancé, so my advice here is based on my own personal experiences, but I urge you to truly take into consideration what people here are telling you. Marriage is not something that should be taken lightly or done on impulse. It is a serious legally binding contract and for some, a very sacred religious event as well. His actions show immaturity and impulsiveness and I would bet my bottom dollar that this is way more than "cold feet".

"He thought there could be someone out there that he is more compatible with." So, in a two month span you go from living together, touring wedding venues, and from your perspective have a happy and healthy relationship with hardly any conflict to him breaking up with you, you moving out, and then him wanting to elope. This is going to sound harsh and I am sorry, I do not mean to hurt you, but do you fully understand what him not only thinking there was someone better out there for him, but actually acting on that thought truly entails? It's his round about way of saying that he thought that he could do better and since things didn't go his way, he came back. You DO NOT deserve that and you should NEVER be someone's option.

"So it wasn’t a big lapse in trust or anything like that and we fought very infrequently. Now in hindsight he says he had fallen blind to all the things he loved about me because he got so fixated on the few things he didn’t like." Again, I am so sorry as I know how much this hurts because I have been in your shoes. But, what else would you classify his actions toward you as, if not a violation of your trust? This is a man who you had been with for 2 years, whom you lived with, whom you were discussing marriage and touring wedding venues with. Yet, he didn't come to you and say "Hey Taylor, I really need to discuss some things with you. There are some things in our relationship that I am not entirely happy with and I want us to work together and make positive changes happen. I love you and I am committed to you and this relationship, but like in all relationships at one point or another, there are some things that I would like to change." He just kept his feelings to himself and broke up with you. That speaks volumes. If you love someone, you do not "fall blind" to all of the qualities you love in that person. Those things are front and center and are the reason you fight for that relationship. EVERY relationship goes through trials and tribulations, and that's a good thing. Otherwise you wouldn't be able to grow as a couple. It's important to see how a potential marriage partner conducts themselves when the going gets rough. He didn't address the "few things about you he didn't like", he left because he thought he could do better and the relationship wasn't worth fighting for. What's he going to do the next time things aren't all rainbows and sunshine in your relationship? Is he going to look for someone he is more compatible with, knowing you eloped and are married and therefore aren't going anywhere?

I strongly advise that if you do decide to go back to him, as in dating, that you take things slow and that you do not move back in with him for at least another year. Then at that point if you both decide to become engaged, move back in. When the time comes for you to marry, whether as an elopement or in a traditional wedding ceremony/reception, please seek pre-marital counseling. In fact, pre-marital counseling can be done at any point in your relationship.

Again, I am so sorry because I feel terrible being so blunt, but like I said, I have been in your shoes and it is a toxic place to be. I was in that relationship for 5 years and I wish that someone had been so blunt with me. I wish you the absolute best and I hope that the man you marry, whether him or someone else, truly knows your worth and never lets you forget it.

View Quoted Comment In truth that reason he gave is more of a reason to see counseling. Marriage is not going to fix the problem.

You clearly want to be with him. Get engaged. That is a big commitment in itself. Spend a year planning a wedding together. If you can get through the stress and financial uncertainty of planning a wedding, you can feel more confident that you are marrying the right person. If the stress, or having all of your family and friends involved in helping plan the event, cause him to run again you will know that he is not the one for you. If you married him today, could you honestly stand at the altar with confidence?

It's hard for me on one hand because I support couples counseling. My friend and his fiance were getting married and got into a fight, broke up and are in counseling. If it is that bad maybe you guys would be happier as friends. If he is a repeat offender this might be his get you back and want to do it quickly only to break up again down the road. A marriage is a lot harder to get out of. I would hold off my dear. If he's the one there is no need to rush.

Something similar happened to me. I dated my FH for about 16 months and then one day out of the blue he broke up with me. About 2.5 months later he came back and about 2 months after that he proposed. He proposed in December and we are getting married in December of this year. We were going to get married in July of this year, but I wasn’t ready. I would definitely find a good marital counselor and you should both go. My FH and I are going and it has helped more than I could have imagined.

I wouldn't, sounds like he has maturity issues.

View Quoted Comment Yes I agree with this! It wouldn’t feel right just rushing off to elope after a breakup. Counseling would be the way to go

This is all you. I probably wouldn't, but then again if you met my ex's you'd understand. Go with your gut. If you think somethings off, don't jump in just yet, give it time. This isn't supposed to be a spur of the moment decision. I always tell everyone the reason it takes so long to plan a wedding is so that you have time to change your mind. Terrible, I know.

I would say, if he’s serious about sticking around this time, there’s no rush to get married. He should want to share that with your family, and his, to prove to everyone that cares about you that this is serious. Marriage can put extra pressure on someone that the really don’t need on a rekindled relationship. Tell him you’re willing to get engaged and have a longer engagement to see how things play out. Planning a wedding together can bring up stress or make you even closer, so hopefully this helps! ♥️