Taylor
Savvy August 2020

Eloping after a Breakup

Taylor, on March 22, 2019 at 2:39 PM Posted in Etiquette and Advice 0 46
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Hello all! Sorry in advance for the long post:


My boyfriend and I dated for two years. We very seriously discussed getting married (and even toured wedding venues). Then, out of the blue, he broke up with me. I have always been adamant that if we ever broke up, we would not get back together (he has a history of redating). Fast forward two months... I moved out of his house, but we’ve been talking and seeing each other. Now he wants to elope! He says he realized how wrong he was and that he wants to be with me more than anything. I wanted nothing more to marry him, but now after everything that has happened, I don’t know if that’s the right thing to do. Please send advise! ❤️💔

46 Comments

  • Allie
    Master August 2019
    Allie ·
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    It depends on what you broke up over. We can't really give you advice because we don't know your relationship.

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  • LB
    Champion November 2016
    LB ·
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    Honestly, I'd go to couple's counseling before you elope. It's only been a few months. The back and forth would make me very nervous. I personally would not be willing to make this step at this time. After all, why the rush now?

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  • Victoria
    VIP October 2018
    Victoria ·
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    I would wait. You are probably still hurting from the breakup and should take your time to rebuild trust in him. If he truly loves you he will wait and when the time comes, he'll also work with you to have the wedding of your (meaning both of you) dreams.
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  • Lafuturaseñora
    Devoted April 2019
    Lafuturaseñora ·
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    My .02 would be to leave him. from my experience whenever I broke up with someone it was the end. You’ve made the point to say you wouldn’t get back with him if he broke up with you. Who’s to say he wouldn’t do it again when you’re married?
    this is just what I would do, because in my past when a man has done something like this it was to test me how much I could be bent.
    I hope you follow your heart and your mind though ❤️ Good luck sweetheart ❤️
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  • A
    Expert June 2019
    Afterallthistime...Always ·
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    Do not rush into anything. If you were having problems dating, then a marriage won't fix that. Go to a couples counseling session. Make sure this is what you want to do 100%.

    If my FH broke my heart like that, even though I love him more than anything, I wouldn't trust that he was in it for the long run if he came back. At least not right away. Take time for your relationship to heal if you decide to get back together. You can always get married later on if you decide that's what you want.

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  • Taylor
    Savvy August 2020
    Taylor ·
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    He thought there could be someone out there that he is more compatible with. So it wasn’t a big lapse in trust or anything like that and we fought very infrequently. Now in hindsight he says he had fallen blind to all the things he loved about me because he got so fixated on the few things he didn’t like
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  • Wendy
    Super August 2020
    Wendy ·
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    It depends why he broke up with you?? What’s his reasons ???
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  • Yasmine
    Dedicated November 2019
    Yasmine ·
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    I would agree with this. While any breakup is not great I think the reason and the circumstances make a huge difference. However, regardless, I also agree with PP that no, you should not elope anytime soon. Counseling, time and hard work are important In this case. And if he can't agree to that, that's another red flag.
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  • Mrs. Sarantos
    Master November 2019
    Mrs. Sarantos Online ·
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    This happened to me, and we dated for another 18 months before we got engaged. I was really happy when we first got back together but then things started coming up emotionally/mentally for me over time and i realized I wasn’t healed yet. Now our relationship is super strong but it took work after that initial high had passed and there were a few times I almost left him. I agree with pp that we don’t know your relationship, but since you asked for advice, I would say making an impulsive decision right now may not be the best thing in the long run. I think there’s no harm in dating for a while longer to make a more sound decision.
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  • M
    Super November 2019
    Melissa ·
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    Marriage is(should be) for forever. He wasnt thinking about being with you for forever when he broke up with you. Give it time. He seems like he doesnt know what he wants and he might change his mind about being with you if you guys elope all of a sudden and ask for a divorce when he realizes what hes done. I suggest couples counseling and waiting a year before getting married.
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  • Taylor
    Savvy August 2020
    Taylor ·
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    The idea behind eloping now is to show that he is all in. That he is 100% ready to commit to me. We really didn’t have many problems... I think he just had a moment of panic (cold feet so to say)
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  • Wendy
    Super August 2020
    Wendy ·
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    I wouldn’t marry him yet... I broke up with my FH for the exact same reason plus the fact that he wouldn’t propose after 8yrs... we never really stopped talking but I did moved out.. long story short we got back together and he proposed and blablabla but I didn’t agree to marrying him till 2020.. 3yrs later... if it’s meant to be it will be... just give it time...
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  • Yasmine
    Dedicated November 2019
    Yasmine ·
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    I definitely think you need to pursue counseling first and foremost. And take some time rather than getting married anytime soon, if you do at all.

    Understanding that effort (ACTIVELY loving your SO) is the most important thing you can do in a relationship is essential and it sounds like he didn't realize that. That would concern me.
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  • Brae
    VIP September 2019
    Brae ·
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    My fh and I were together for a long time and we ended up splitting because he was super unsure of what he wanted in life. We didn't even speak for about 5 to 6 months. He then reached out and told me he wanted nothing more than to be with me. We "dated" for about 2 months before becoming boyfriend and girlfriend and then were together about 4 months before he proposed. Our engagement is going to total 16 months. It sucked and was horrible, but I'm glad it worked out the way it did because I'd rather this way than us getting married him being unsure in a few years. However, I needed the bit of time to feel comfortable that he wasn't going to do it again. I could not have eloped with him right after breaking up. I needed the what will be almost 2 years of being back together before the wedding.

    I recommend testing out the relationship again, but not marrying right away. If hes so sure, he can wait. Also is an elopement even something you would want? Or do you want a ceremony, reception and all the bells and whistles?

    I think it's okay to go back to him, but I don't think you should marry right away. Also why did he break up with you? Was it just uncertainty, or did something more serious happen?
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  • Allie
    Master August 2019
    Allie ·
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    That's understandable. Sometimes the day to day isn't that great and we often think the grass may be greener on the other side. I would still recommend waiting to get married. Take as long as you need to heal. You guys can still date, live together, be engaged. There's no reason to get married right now.

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  • Sarah
    VIP September 2019
    Sarah Online ·
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    This is kind of ridiculous in my opinion. You can show how committed you are to someone without marrying them immediately after getting back together with them. There’s no way I would marry someone I had just spent months not in a relationship with without counseling and time invested in our new post-reuniting relationship.
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  • LB
    Champion November 2016
    LB ·
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    Agree with this. It just sounds very childish and immature. Marriage is not something to be taken so lightly.

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  • Future Mrs. Polar Bear
    Super April 2019
    Future Mrs. Polar Bear ·
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    Lot's of opinions on this, BUT..why did he break up with you? Depending on his reasoning, would provide a better answer.

    I'm not a risk taker, so I personally wouldn't ELOPE with him right after he broke up with you.

    Now currently I'm Eloping with my FH , but it's a planned Elopement (because we decided we didn't want a big wedding/reception), our parents will be present, AND we've been together for 5 years and 7 months. We're not rushing into anything, nor have we ever broken up (*knock on some wood).

    Not saying you can't meet the love of your life quickly, but given your past with this man...is it smart to so quickly Elope? Should you wait and see how things go first? That's my advice.

    Good luck. Make the best decision for you.

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  • Future Mrs. K
    VIP June 2019
    Future Mrs. K ·
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    I agree with PP. I think you can get back together but I wouldn't elope right now. Start dating again, build up the relationship again, get engaged, and stay engaged for a long time, then get married. If I were you I would want to make sure that he is sure this time. Actions speak louder than words, he needs to prove it to you not just say it and getting eloped doesn't prove anything. He should have the patience and love for you to wait.

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  • Future Mrs.greenwood
    Expert September 2019
    Future Mrs.greenwood ·
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    That is a sign looking you right in the face. I say give it some time, I wouldn't , just under the circumstances. This could save you pain and misery down the line. Take your sweet time .. The fact that he told you he would be (compatible with someone else) is what you needed to hear.

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