Elopement followed by wedding ceremony and reception

Why did you ask initially if you were just going to push back and call everyone serious? Honest question here. This sort of thing comes up a lot on the forum and people always get the same answer.

4 years is a really long time, most people do have to marry yes, prior to or right after a destination wedding. But 4 years does more than push the envelope. I also always wonder on the back end when people want to have the 'wedding later' if they ever do it? Because life happens and your are legally married and already had a wedding.

I think many of the responses are also colored by the fact that couples who plan on doing this typically say the first ceremony, almost always at a courthouse, isn't the "real" wedding. That negates all those couples - including same sex couples who fought for years for the right to marry - who marry at the courthouse. You are insinuating that their weddings aren't real either.

I'd go to a vow renewal four years later, even a destination ceremony. No way in heck would I go if I found out that you had lied to me about being married for years. Only you can answer whether you want to risk family and friends thinking poorly of you for lying, perhaps to the point of losing those relationships. Seen it happen.

If you're mostly worried about etiquette, no, it cannot be called a wedding when you are already married. Married people can't have weddings, they can have vow renewals. As PPs have said, I strongly urge you to think long and hard before making this decision. If your mindset is truly "if it gets out, it gets out," then just tell people. And please, don't get married "just for the convenience."

I wish that WW offered the option to 'like' a comment, because I would absolutely love this one.

We are serious because marriage and being honest with family and friends is a serious issue. You posted here, looking for advice, you are getting it and don't like it and feel defensive. Your wedding will be the courthouse ceremony in June. Please no lying to people, not for four days, not for four years. You never have to remember the truth, a lie WILL come out as some point. You will have to file taxes as a married couple, someone cold stumble across a document. It happened to me - my sister "married" her second hubby but guess what? It was a symbolic ceremony. I came across docs at a financial planning agency where I worked (not snooping, I was scanning docs) and my maiden name (her name too) jumped out at me. Turns out they were listed as single! Can't lie to the IRS. It was VERY hurtful.

This is always a hot topic - this was posted a few hours ago and look at all the replies plus hundreds of views.

I am wondering why you asked for advice then got seemingly angry when people did not give you the affirmation you wanted?

Don't lie to people. They WILL find out and are much less likely to come if they know you lied. We eloped in February for insurance reasons and buying a home together and were completely honest with everyone. We are still doing the big wedding ceremony in Vegas which is a DW for us and all of our guests. Everyone is still 100% on board with coming and everything will be very wedding. People will understand. It is actually tradition for Cubans to do the legal portion well before the ceremony portion so his mom was really on board with it because that's what her family and his dad's families have done for generations.