EEK!! Demoting a MOH to Bridesmaid!

Ouch, that's rough! Has she always been this unreliable? If this is unusual behavior for her, maybe there's something else going on. I would have an honest talk with her about what you expect from her, as your MOH. Ask her is she can handle that responsibility. If she says yes, I would give her a second chance. If it seems like she can't meet your expectations, then let her know that you would love for her to be included in your wedding, as a bridesmaid.

But ultimately, you know your best friend better than I do, or anyone else on this site. How do you think she'll react? Think back to how she's handled confrontation before and that should help you decide what to do next.

Demoting someone usually puts a serious strain on the relationship, just accept it.

but also, get your own mailing addresses. her job is to dress nice and show up. the end.

I don't see why you need to demote her. Just stop asking her for help. All she has to do as MOH is stand up next to you and hand you your grooms ring.

Is there another BM you want to "promote"? You can ask your BMs for help even if they aren't MOH.

Have you considered promoting another BM and having 2 MOHs?

Don't demote her.Stop asking her to do stuff that is your responsibility. Getting drunk is unfortunate but most people have gotten crazy drunk with their friends and made an ass of themselves once or twice. Deal.

Don't demote her, she's not your employee. She is your friend.

Yikes! That's a tough situation to be in. I agree with Sara. Have a talk with her about what you are expecting.

The MOH's job is not to just "dress nice and show up". Traditionally there are many responsibilities associated with standing up for a bride, including hosting a shower, attending any and all pre-wedding events, and assisting the bride with planning...and etc.

Obviously, yes, the rules have changed and nowadays there's no set list of jobs for a MOH or the bridesmaids. But it is perfectly reasonable for a bride to expect a certain amount of help from her bridesmaids, and especially and most importantly, the maid of honor. If the maid of honor is causing you stress, when she should be the one supporting you most, that is absolutely good reason to find another MOH.

I am not going to be the most popular opinion on here, but here goes I guess... I disagree that a MOH's only job is to stand there and show up. I also disagree that people in a BP can cause drama and we as brides need to "accept it" and move on as to avoid other unnecessary drama. If what your MOH did happened to me, I would just talk to her and tell her that you are concerned about her by her recent behavior, as ask her if she is really able to handle being your MOH. I don't recommend 2 MOHs. I added one instead of demoting one like I should have done in the first place, and now the original MOH is competing with the additional one.

A bride can set expectations but they have to be discussed with the BP and then agreed upon. most brides just expect then shout. they are friends, not employees.

I would talk to her before you do anything. i would tell her that you really feels like she owes you an apology about the dress shopping incident. and tell her you have felt like she is not interested.

but you should definitely get your own addresses..

I was also under the impression that there is more to being a MOH then just showing up to my wedding and holding the grooms ring. I would love someone who I can look to for sound advice and support which she has not provided. Also with me moving out of the country I don't know how close we will remain which makes me regret not asking my sister in the first place. I do think she is going through a lot of personal issues right now and may need more support than she's able to give. I just regret not really thinking it through before I asked her and don't want her drinking to be an issue at any future wedding functions, especially in front of my future in-laws.

There's no way to be drama free, even if you say it in the most polite way possible and take her shopping to ease into it. she will take it how she wants to take it. There is really on minimal damage control that you can do but it is totally up to her on how she takes it. good luck. just be nice, honest, stick to what you want and give her time.

Hmm... yeah I do not agree that a moh's job is to just show up to the wedding. Bm ybe... but ive been in a lot of weddings and have always known when I agree to be in them that there is more to it than just showing up. I even had to back out of my sisters wedding because of finances and did not expect to not contribute help with other things which is why I backed out. If you are unstable, financially unable, or have too much on your plate... DONT EXCEPT BEING A MOH OR BM! why is that so hard to realize??????

Its *accept Sally.

Sorry spelling police

Holy shitballs. So while I don't think that a BP's job is to show up not naked, I also think that people have gotten sucked into the wedding industry's idea that BP members should be slaves to an event. People are seriously overestimating what a bridal party exists for. If we're going by tradition, the groomsmen's job is to protect the bride and groom from family members who think the bride is kidnapped and the BMs job is to ward off evil spirits. Come on now.

To answer your question OP, your action of demoting your friend comes off as a punishment for not meeting your demands. Do you want to end a friendship over this? That's what you should be asking yourself if you want to go down this road.

Its not spelling its the wrong damn word.

i bet you misuse their there and they're. or your and you're.

Just speaking from experience. My sister was my MOH and didn't come to my dress fittings, showed up late to the rehearsal, constantly forgot where the wedding was located and when it was happening etc. But she is my sister so I wouldn't ever want to hurt her by "demoting" her.

Other BMs and even other friends not in the BP were supportive and able to pick up the slack. Hopefully you have some other girls you can rely on

Oh, Andi... thanks for making me snort in my drink!