dutch treat dinners after weddings- what would your reaction be?EDIT:invite is world of mouth-not paper invite

Can you explain what you mean by dutch treat? Like everyone pays for their own meal?

Sorry, I'd probably not go unless you were immediate family.

Are you saying that you'll all go out to dinner and drinks after but everyone pays their way? Everyone will think you are paying for them to be honest. It may be an embarrassing situation for some guests. Why not have a backyard BBQ? You could make it dressier than normal.

It is pretty standard to have guests pay their own way for the after reception party.

However, I can't imagine hosting ANY type of event and asking my guests to pay their way. When you invite people over to your home for a meal do you ask them to pay for the food?

If I was close to the bride or groom I would attend but I would have a heart attack when reading the dutch treat invite. I would also be a major B about it and question how much the couple spent on their attire, decor, honeymoon, and social life in general.

Just don't. Scale back.

Just to clarify: You'll have cake/punch reception then go out to eat? If that's the case I think you could be ok seeing as you let everyone know the reception is cake/punch and if anyone would like to join you after their welcome (just my opinion, but probably not proper etiquette)

If you're only doing the dinner then my answer would be I'd go if it were my really good friend (like good enough to be in the wedding party), otherwise I'd decline. Either way I'd think it's weird.

"Are you saying that you'll all go out to dinner and drinks after but everyone pays their way?"

not exactly for my wedding. my wedding is on Halloween so we are going out after the cake and toast reception to clubs and things like that.

I just wondered if people starting going out dutch treat (pay your own)in leau of receptions, what the general reaction would be.

I know many would call it tacky, but sometimes I wonder if that's because we get so Jaded by the industry.

In lieu of reception I would say no, I've never heard of that or seen that.

For after parties...for sure, I would expect to pay my own way.

Dloves D: "Are you saying that you'll all go out to dinner and drinks after but everyone pays their way? Everyone will think you are paying for them to be honest."

we are going out for a after part aftery the cake reception, but the after party is not a 'official invite' situation. didn't include that on the invitations, I've just let a few close friends and family know about it and explained that it's just to have a fun time out, and that it's pay your own at that point. much like we do in general with friends, going to clubs and things and then grab food as we go, or all go to a restaurant if we like but everyone pays their own.

the after evening is probably just going to me the bridal party (it's small) and some family and close friends. I just don't want people to think they aren't welcome to come along if they wish.

Dloves D: "Are you saying that you'll all go out to dinner and drinks after but everyone pays their way? Everyone will think you are paying for them to be honest."

we are going out for a after part aftery the cake reception, but the after party is not a 'official invite' situation. didn't include that on the invitations, I've just let a few close friends and family know about it and explained that it's just to have a fun time out, and that it's pay your own at that point. much like we do in general with friends, going to clubs and things and then grab food as we go, or all go to a restaurant if we like but everyone pays their own.

the after evening is probably just going to me the bridal party (it's small) and some family and close friends. I just don't want people to think they aren't welcome to come along if they wish.

Sorry I was confused! I thought you wanted to go out to eat in lieu of the cake & punch reception. Having guests pay their own way at the after party is standard & shouldn't offend anyone.

If that is something you're comfy with, then go ahead. my family would throw a royal fit. and i would feel squelchy doing it, but if you don't think your family and friends would care, more power to you.

K:

"When you invite people over to your home for a meal do you ask them to pay for the food?" lol - no, but I hang out with people that have done a lot of pot lucks at houses. I've been to a lot of Barbeques where they asked people to bring their own stuff to grill.

a lot of that is because so many people have dietary needs it works out better in the end.

"If I was close to the bride or groom I would attend but I would have a heart attack when reading the dutch treat invite. I would also be a major B about it and question how much the couple spent on their attire, decor, honeymoon, and social life in general."

I could see that! sorry, I wasn't clear. the whole dutch treat after party is word of mouth. the bridal party and a few close friends and family are going along, I've just spread the word what the situation is so people will understand that they are aren't being excluded.

We're probably going to hang out at the hotel bar after the reception with a "hey this is what we're doing if you want to join" People can come if they want and I would assume know they'd pay for themselves.

If it's word of mouth I can't see anyone having a problem. It's normal for guests to pay their own way for a post reception event. However, I read it as post ceremony there would be a word of mouth dutch treat event (aka you invited people to your wedding and didn't feed them anything). If you already fed me once I'd be fine with it. If not, scale back.

Sounds tricky. Would everyone know there is an after party before attending your wedding and cake and drink reception or will it be an impromptu type of "Hey, who wants to go out to a few clubs?" After our reception, we may have an after party at the restaurant that is at the hotel which is our venue since it doesn't close until 2 and our reception is over at midnight. But we're not promoting it as part of the event. It will be a spontaneous "Anyone want to go hang in the lounge for a few?" And they'll know that part is not on us. lol

Sorry if I wasn't clear. we are having a actual recetption, but after that, there's the pay for your own after party. it's not a official paper invite situtation.

trends and what is proper changes over time and I just wondered if any of you could see the wedding trend tide going with pay your own after parties in leau of the pricey recpetions that are normally thrown.

I've been to a pot luck wedding reception myself! the invitation read 'bring a passing dish if it suits thy fancy' did I think it was weird? kind of. but I didn't mind. In truth, I had a better time at that wedding then I had a other ones that were sit down dinners.

so I guess appropriate and OK is in the eye of the beholder.

I wouldnt want to eat cake and punch and then go out to a restaurant an hour later... BUT I will dance off the calories at a club!

Right now I don't see it changing. A lot people just come out for the free party unfortunately. Also, you have families who like to keep up appearances. If it became one of those things that people had to pay their way for, I think weddings would not be that big of a thing to go to anymore unless it was a close family member or close friend.

Aronna -- i'm also curious about what time your wedding is. Is it in the afternoon? I guess either way I don't really see the logistics of this working out. I think you should have a great cake and punch reception at a non-meal time and everyone can enjoy the rest of their day. If you have any OOT guests traveling in, maybe let them know that you'll be at XYZ Club if they want to party but I wouldn't invite them to dinner.

As far as your questions related to the "wedding industry" ... Honestly, the reception is a hosted event to thank your guests for being there. Why on earth would I want to spend $75-100 a plate at a place that I didn't choose and that I might not even get to eat something that I really liked? No thanks

My festivities are in the after noon and not during a meal time. I wouldn't have a party over a meal time hour and not serve food.

we may still have things like appetizers, but as for now it's primarily cake and drink.

"Why on earth would I want to spend $75-100 a plate at a place that I didn't choose and that I might not even get to eat something that I really liked? "

that's kind of the whole point. I don't want to offend anyone that is having a catered reception, there's not much of anything saying that you'd get something you like out of the catered food either. at a restaurant you get to choose. most catered event I've been to you don't.