Dry wedding but for religious purpose

Fair warning, this post will not end well... I get you want to respect your FH's wishes but don't ruin it for the few guests who would like to have a drink. I am catholic and at every church event there is at least a few wine and beer selections so maybe do something simple like that so they at least have some options?

In most situations I would say provide alcohol, but I can say personally if I attended a wedding of a pastor I would 100% expect there to be no alcohol. I suppose some churches are different but in the churches I grew up in, alcohol was a no no.

So I would assume your guests probably already assume it will be dry.

I would sit down with your FH and discuss this with him. I do agree with GreeneBunny that a consumption bar would likely be the best option, you could stick with wine and beer and avoid hard alcohol. I am in CA so way outside the bible belt and my sister is a Presbyterian minister who had alcohol at her wedding for her guests.

I'd avoid taking choice away from some people based on the religious convictions of a majority. Have a consumption bar for those that do choose to drink.

My cousin from Kentucky married a man who was in the seminary to become a pastor a couple years ago. They had a full open bar, and a lovely wedding.

I would say that definitely yes, it would be considered poor hosting to the 15% of guests that do drink.

Double post

I kind of shuddered when I read that your "FH has allowed you to have everything you desire" at your wedding. Okay...shudder. I'm not a big fan of one spouse "allowing" the other to do anything, but moving on. I also noticed that you do drink, although not much. However, your FH is a minister and doesn't drink. Great for him. So, while you're allowed to have everything you desire, there's one caveat (despite the fact that you do drink occasionally -- and so do some of your guests). No alcohol. Why? Because other pastors and church folk will be there, and what would they think?

It's your wedding, so I really don't care about pastors and loving church folk who will judge your wedding because you served wine to about 40 people who have no conflicted conscience about enjoying a glass or two. With your large guest list, you're talking about four to five table of guests -- depending upon the seats per table -- who would enjoy a glass of wine at your wedding. However, your FH is putting his reputation with the other pastors above the comfort of your guests, and even with the gospels in mind, that doesn't sound right.

You, and the majority of your guests, are free to abstain from alcohol. However, your non-religious guests aren't going to be converted by your alcohol free wedding, and they'll probably be bored. They will feel like outsiders, and you certainly don't want that.

Serve them wine, as you should. Tell your FH that you have a mind of your own, and this is what your mind is telling you.

I know where you're coming from. We had a full, top shelf open bar at our wedding 35 years ago. We drank soft drinks...all night.

I would at least provide one or two alcohol options. Very basic, but for those who do choose to drink (you on occasion and the other 15%) have the option to enjoy themselves.

What about just wine? Jesus liked wine!

@ the Addison, I flagged you too. It doesn't seem like you read the TOS and that would make me nervous about booking with you, all those contracts. Too many words, I'm sure.

But is it really for religious purposes? If you drink a little, your FH obviously condones the consumption of alcohol. There are churches that would actually prohibit the use of alcohol altogether, but it doesn't seem like you and your FH are a part of that church. If you're okay with drinking and your FH is okay with you (and probably others?) drinking, it seems silly to all of a sudden say there will not be any alcohol served at the wedding for religious purposes. I think a consumption bar, since you would likely have a small percentage of guests drinking, makes the most sense. You would only pay for what your few guests who drink actually drink that evening instead of paying a flat fee that assumes every guest drinks something.

If I went to a Minister's wedding I wouldn't be expecting alcohol to be there.

If it goes against your religious beliefs, I feel that you don't need to provide it.

I agree that if I went to a ministers wedding, I wouldn't expect alcohol. If you did decide to serve alcohol, I'd just do limited beer and wine. And make it a consumption bar, so you're only paying for what gets drank. You could just have a small bar in a back corner, so it's not highly visible, and give your guests that drink a heads up.

Thanks everyone for the advice/suggestions! Will discuss with FH about possible alternatives.

Also @BlueHenBride, @Centerpiece my drinking is usually at most a glass of sweet desert wine(A moscato or something similar) I don't know how many people will enjoy having to drink sweet wine all night long. Either way will have a chat with FH. Thanks again everyone!

Good luck figuring it what will work best for you and your guests OP, glad to see you appreciated all the different responses to your question!

Your relationship with your future husband is more important than your relationship with your guests. Repeat: your relationship with your future husband is more important than your relationship with your guests. If you choose not to have alcohol (which I would advise, given that your FH has made that request), the reasons you stated are perfectly reasonable. Talk with him about your concerns and see if there's middle ground. If there isn't, I think it would be respectful of you to honor his preference in this area - especially since he is honoring your preferences in many other areas (though it's not a scoreboard!). Again, your relationship with your future husband is more important than your relationship with your guests (or a bunch of strangers on a wedding forum)!

If you do include some alcohol (and can be as simple as a wine/beer consumption bar) I would not go with a sweet moscato.

Abigail, if you don't care about the relationship with your guests, why are you inviting them?

OP, once you convince your husband to have alcohol at the wedding, come back and let us help you with wine and beer choices!

I feel like this could be very split. Honestly, if my pastor was getting married I would not expect alcohol to be served, but I would be pleasantly surprised to see it there and plan on sticking around longer than originally intended due to said alcohol.

I'm a firm believer that you should properly host your guests, but I feel like your situation falls in the gray area.

My advice is to include a few beers, a red wine, and a white wine. I think that will satisfy the 15%, and I don't think that the 85% of your guest list will look down on you for this (which they shouldn't in the first place). I don't think you should worry about what the 85% that won't be drinking will think of you. I would play up the "mocktails" front and center for the majority of your guest list to see, but then have the bar stocked as stated before.