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Devoted September 2018

Dress - What would you do?

Sarah, on June 6, 2020 at 10:50 AM Posted in Married Life 0 21

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When I got married almost two years ago, I got married in a dress that wasn’t what I really wanted. I talked myself into keeping it because it cost almost $2k, and I couldn’t bare the thought of spending even more money on a dress.

Fast forward to today, and I regret my decision. I would like to sell my dress - it’s a beautiful dress, just not the look I ultimately wanted. I tend to be a practical person, and another bride could use it and look beautiful in it. However, my husband has said he would be a bit sad if I sold it, because it’s part of our memories together, but that he is ok if I decide to go ahead with it.
My husband typically isn’t very vocal about his opinions

, so this makes me EXTREMELY reluctant to try to sell it. However, I’ve thought about having a vow renewal at some point during which I would buy the dress in the style I really wanted. I thought the money from selling my previous dress could go towards the dress I really wanted.
Ugh! I don’t want to ignore my husband’s feelings though. I know it’s “my” dress, but as mentioned, my husband rarely voices what he wants. What would you do if you were in my shoes?

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21 Comments

Latest activity by Sexypoodle, on June 7, 2020 at 4:21 PM

Super August 2021
Wendy · on June 6, 2020 at 10:57 AM
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I think it depends on your financial status.. can you afford your new dream dress without selling that one? If so, and he’s fine with that then just keep it that’s what I would do. If I didn’t have the money to buy a new one without selling the old one.
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Master October 2021
Sexypoodle · on June 6, 2020 at 11:19 AM
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Unfortunately, wedding dresses are not very useful after the wedding. But since he likes it, maybe he would pay for it to be re-purposed into a quilt or have sections of it creatively framed. I’ve seen where brides use a piece of the fabric inside of a clear locket and you can wear that necklace on your renewal day. Maybe you can use the fabric and make a cute pledge to wear on your renewal celebration. There are so many options out there. Just do a quick Google search and you’ll find all sorts of ideas.

As for your new dress, you don’t have to spend a lot of money on it and you can purchase one on websites like StillWhite.com or preownedweddingdresses.com. Both sites sell new dresses, pre-loved dresses and store sample dresses at discounted prices.
That way, you can still keep your first dress and make good use of it, while also purchasing a dress in your style for the renewal.
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Master October 2021
Sexypoodle · on June 6, 2020 at 11:21 AM
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Oops! That was supposed to say make a cute “clutch purse” (not pledge)
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Master May 2020
Kari · on June 6, 2020 at 11:43 AM
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Oh this is tough. It would be hard for me to keep something that didn't personally bring me joy, and I too would see the value in selling it and having someone else enjoy it. I bought my wedding dress pre-owned (I love StillWhite) so as a bride who bought another bride's dress, I can vouch for the fact that your dress can absolutely make another bride to be SUPER happy!
Some things to consider:
Does your dress still fit? If you can't even wear it, I'd be far more tempted to get rid of it.
How much room does it take up? If its a floofy ball gown that occupies prime space in your closet, I'd be more tempted to get rid of it.
How much is it financially worth to you? What would you need to sell it for to make it worth selling? Wedding dresses are like cars in that the second they leave the bridal shop they depreciate, a LOT. If you are thinking you can resell your dress for close to what you paid for it, you can't. At most, I'd expect maybe a 50% return on a worn dress, so if you spent $2k on a dress, that's just $1000, likely less. For reference I paid $400 for a dress that retailed for $2100-$2400 and saw other brides listing the same dress for around $700-$800.
Has your husband mentioned the dress other than when asked about it? If he occasionally references that he loved how you looked in your dress on your wedding day, I feel like that's a different attachment other than when saying "don't sell it" when asked specifically about it. If your dress is out of sight out of mind, that's a selling point, but if it's something your husband thinks about without prompting, then it has more sentimental value to him than he's letting on.
Can your dress be remade into something you like? If it fits and you like the fabric, etc would it be possible to have the dress remade in a style that is more you and could be reworn for date nights or your vow renewal? This could be a way to "keep" your dress but have it be something that you like and isn't just taking up space in storage. It won't help with funding a new dress (remaking it could be costly) but would help preserve your husband's attachment to it while possibly turning it into something you enjoy as well.

If I didn't like my own wedding dress, I'd probably sell it. I had planned to sell my dress all along to recoup the cost after, but since I spent so little on it and will be wearing it twice (for our elopement and then for our redo wedding next year, hopefully with coronavirus a non-issue), and I do LOVE it, I'm probably going to keep it now. One guy I know told me his wife puts on her dress every year for their anniversary (they've been married more than 20 years) and I thought that was super cute. I would love to do something similar (although I think it would be a miracle if my dress still fit every year for the next 20+ years) with my husband and dance to our first dance song!
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Super June 2021
Elizabeth · on June 6, 2020 at 11:45 AM
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I would keep it. If it's something he's sentimental about, that matters more.
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Legend June 2019
Melle · on June 6, 2020 at 1:40 PM
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I actually would sell it aha. I mean you guys have all these photos and stuff right? I understand his sentiment but it sounds more practical to sell it if you want a vow renewal anyway.
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Master October 2022
Jana · on June 6, 2020 at 2:35 PM
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You need to talk to him about this. Lay everything on the table where you're both coming from. Ultimately it's your decision, not his. Many women are happy with just photos which is why they don't keep the bouquet or centerpieces or other physical parts on display.
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Champion June 2019
Gen · on June 6, 2020 at 5:04 PM
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Why does he want you to keep it? Like what does he want to do with it, exactly? If it’s just going to sit in the closet, that’s a waste! I understand the sentiment in wanting to keep it... I’m the same way. However my “purpose” in keeping it is that I hope to someday have my daughter or daughter in law wear it! I actually wanted to wear my mom’s old wedding dress, except she’s 5’ and I’m 5’6”, so we would’ve had to extensively alter it and that wasn’t worth it. So I’m hoping if I have a daughter similarly sized to me that she may want it.

If I wasn’t planning to have children, I think it would still be difficult for me to just sell it to a stranger, but I’d probably do it for financial purposes.
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Master October 2021
Mrs.a · on June 7, 2020 at 9:18 AM
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If it means that much to him, then yes, I would keep it!
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Super February 2020
Kaysey · on June 7, 2020 at 10:36 AM
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That is a tough situation. Personally, I would keep it. If you chose to have a vow renewal and you could afford another dress then I would buy another dress. Because your husband said he would be upset if you sold it, I would keep it. Even though it may not have been the dress of your dreams, it means a lot to your husband.
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Devoted September 2018
Sarah · on June 7, 2020 at 3:26 PM
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Thanks Wendy! I could probably afford to keep the old and buy another, but I am struggling with whether that’s a wise financial move. I’m a bit frugal... but I’m learning you can’t always make frugal decisions when you’re married 😆😉
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Devoted September 2018
Sarah · on June 7, 2020 at 3:28 PM
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Ha ha! I was thinking “maybe she means binding the pledge in a book or something”... but clutch purse makes a lot more sense! I may look up other ideas for the dress and see if my husband likes any. Thank you!
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Devoted September 2018
Sarah · on June 7, 2020 at 3:34 PM
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Thanks for such a thoughtful reply Kari! Indeed, for my husband, the dress is “out of sight, out of mind!” But I know the minute he sees me packing it up for shipping, he’d likely be a little sad.

I actually wished I had purchased the dress I really wanted on a pre-owned site like you did! One of the reasons I didn’t get the dress was because it cost $3 - $3,500 new, and I just could justify it.
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Devoted September 2018
Sarah · on June 7, 2020 at 3:35 PM
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Yeah, I definitely see your point! Thank you!
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Devoted September 2018
Sarah · on June 7, 2020 at 3:37 PM
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Yeah, I never thought I would be more practical about the dress than my husband, but here we are! (And a part of me loves that he feels that way!)
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Devoted September 2018
Sarah · on June 7, 2020 at 3:39 PM
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Yeah, I didn’t keep my bouquet either, although come to think of it, my husband wanted me to! Hmmm.... maybe I should keep the dress at least, or see if he would be ok with “repurposing” it!

Thanks for your thoughts!
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Devoted September 2018
Sarah · on June 7, 2020 at 3:42 PM
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Thank you Gen! We won’t be having children so that isn’t a factor. Your veil in your profile pic looks gorgeous!!!
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Devoted September 2018
Sarah · on June 7, 2020 at 3:43 PM
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Thank you Marisa!
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Devoted September 2018
Sarah · on June 7, 2020 at 3:46 PM
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Thank you Kaysey! It’s been almost 2 years and I haven’t sold it yet for that very reason. I don’t like opening up the closet door to see it just sitting there when it’s just taking up space, but I don’t want to make him sad about it.

I’m leaning towards keeping it though, and might ask my husband about using the fabric for something else to see how he feels about it.
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Devoted September 2018
Sarah · on June 7, 2020 at 3:47 PM
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Thank you wonderful ladies for some awesome feedback and ideas! It’s helped me think of some potential solutions, and I really appreciate how supportive the women are on this forum.
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