Dress code?

View Quoted Comment Actually ours is at a country club. There is no dress code there and we will most likely get married outside at about 4.

When I was young, my mother drilled it into us that "everybody else does it" is not an excuse for bad behavior. Just because you have received wedding invitations with a dress code, doesn't mean it is good etiquette.

I can guarantee that you never found that advice on an etiquette site. It likely came from a wedding site, a forum like this, a stationery site, etc. in other words someone who has a vested interest in what they say.

The reason it is not acceptable, for anyone who cares, is because it is insulting to your guests to think that they need to be told how to dress; even more so when that direction is coming from a young couple who likely have never hosted any significant social event in their lives. It' simply not our place to tell others how to dress. They can figure it out by looking at the formality of the invitations, noting the venue and the time of day.

And no, just because you are ok with it when you receive an invitation, it doesn't make it right to do it yourselves.

I feel like most people know what to wear .. ive never seen jeas at a wedding ..

View Quoted Comment If the club doesn't have a dress code then there isn't one to enforce. Don't worry about what your guests are wearing. Focus your energy on being a good host and providing the best event you can. Don't micromanage things that are unimportant, such as the clothing guests put on their bodies.

"dressy casual"? Am I dressy or casual? Anything with "casual" in the phrase would tell me that my jeans are fine. I'll dress it up with a great top and accessories. Nobody agrees on these definitions other than black tie. There is no confusion there.

Hi Colleen! I think it would be appropriate to put "semi-formal attire, please," to indicate your dress code desires! It's polite but still subtly states your request for dressier attire!

View Quoted Comment

So, can you give me a list of specific attire that is "semi formal"? What's the difference in cocktail and semi formal? What takes it up to formal from semi formal?

View Quoted Comment Please define semi-formal. Light colored suits for men and cocktail dresses for women, or a sport shirts and slacks and nice sundresses? Honestly, semi-formal makes me think or a high school homecoming dance, boys in shirts and ties (probably ill fitting), girls in knee length party dresses (with too much glitter).

View Quoted Comment

I read one "bridal" site that said black tie meant you could wear a suit and casual was a shirt and tie... Really? That's saying that a jacket is the difference in casual and black tie. Dress codes are too open to interpretation. I just show up looking nice and call it a day.

View Quoted Comment

I agree with this completely. If people don't want to buy new clothes, they won't. Last time I didn't want to buy something new for a formal event, I borrowed a dress from a friend. It was perfect. Your guests will use their own common sense to dress themselves.

View Quoted Comment

I was taught semi-formal can technically be either cocktail or black tie, cocktail is a type of semi-formal. The differences in semi-formal have to do with color, embellishment, length, fabric, and accessories.

Actually, its pretty interesting to me how differently this is viewed. A lot of emphasis was put on this culturally where/when I grew up. I wonder how the differences in thought on dress code descriptors and whether they are functionally antiquated correlates regionally vs. generationally??

View Quoted Comment See I would want to know. Do I wear a cocktail dress or a nice sundress or a more casual dress.

View Quoted Comment FWIW, I'm a middle aged mom who grew up outside of a major Northeast city, and has lived in one of the South's culturally defining cities, as well as a number of Midwestern cities/towns. I've attended weddings and other events in all these places as well as a couple out West. Socioeconomically, these events have ranged from Midwestern working class to Northeast social scene.

Regardless of the who or where, dress codes are rude, and not helpful. There is a lol ambiguity in terms like semi-formal and dressy casual. Unless you are having a true black event (the term indicates a level of hosting more than a dress code) or your venue has a dress code (a country club that requires jackets and ties in the dining room for example), just trust that your guests know how to dress. That one random cousin who always wears cargo shorts and concert tees isn't going to get the message with a dress code. He might show up in a new pair of shorts, a polo shirt, and his good sandals, but that's not likely what the bride had in mind.

View Quoted Comment

But we are all adults and we can figure that out on our own, just like generations before us. Is the ceremony at the top of a mountain and you have to hike in? Wear your hiking boots and pants. Is the wedding at a pavilion in the park in the afternoon on a summer day? wear a sundress. Is the wedding in the ballroom of the fanciest local hotel? Dress up.

It's not that hard. Just like you decide what to wear every day based on the location and style of the place you are going (the office, school, the mall, golfing) and the activity itself.

View Quoted Comment This, and on the rare occasion you simply can't figure it out from the time of day, location, and style of invitation, ask.

View Quoted Comment Sorry I grew up in ohio always saw dress suggestions for weddings.

View Quoted Comment Doesn't make it not rude

View Quoted Comment

Thank you for the example. I grew up in the south, and moved to a major US city as an adult. I have always seen dress code descriptors on wedding invitations in both locations. Knowing them growing up was as like knowing how to do a formal place setting for 12 to host a dinner, it was just something we learned as young women. It just fascinates me how the utility of these descriptors is perceived by different individuals. Not saying one is correct and the other wrong, but cultural norms and their variability is just interesting to me, and it has been neat to read everyone's opinions on this matter.

I agree that there can be ambiguity about the descriptors, as some permit for more variability within the category, like white tie vs. casual. But as far as it being universally "rude", we will need to agree to disagree on that point. I do agree with you that it is incredibly rude to "police" the attire of your guests when they arrive, or criticize someone who deviated from the dress descriptor. The purpose is to provide a guideline [not rule] for guest to know what to expect, so they dont feel out of place. It should never be used to disrespect someone. I also agree with you that black and white tie are exceptions, in that they are very much rules, which have less to no ambiguity.

YES you can tell people how to dress. Sorry, I call bs on that comment. Many, many times I have seen on RSVP cards..."black tie" or "semi-formal attire"..."casual attire"...and so on. I follow the invitation and wording. If it says black tie...then we are in floor length gowns and a tux. If it says semi formal, then he is in a suit and tie and I am in a nicer cocktail dress. Casual...well that is whatever you want. (Even though I would never show up in jeans for a wedding....no matter how casual, that is a no way with me).

Let your invitation and wording state your dress code.