Dress Code for the Guests

You cannot dictate how your guests dress. If your wedding is a true black tie affair, word of mouth would be a good way to let your guests know it's black tie.....

Do you actually want advice and thoughts, or are you going to do what you want? ETA: Sorry, this post just confuses me. I'm an adult and I really don't want to be told what to wear. I'm pretty good at dressing for the occasion.

If your wedding is truly a black tie affair you could put it on your wedding website or spread the word by word of mouth. You ultimately have no control over what people wear. Your version of black tie might not be the same as your guests. Personally I wouldn't decline an event if it said black tie, but how I dress might not match the bride's vision. Just my opinions.

No advice here. I will say I've always felt bad for any couple when guests show up to their wedding looking like they just finished yard work, or came off of the golf course. Couples spend so much money on weddings that I have always felt it was rude of any guest to show up in casual wear (when that's not the theme).

Unless it is a true black tie event, you cannot specify dress code on the invitation

1) Is your wedding a black tie event? Live band, white glove multiple course plated meal, top shelf liquor, valet service? If not, don't expect your guests to dress in tux and gown and it would be inappropriate to ask them to do so. And 2) your mom is right, people don't generally want to buy new clothes for a wedding unless your guest list is upper middle class or higher. A tux and gown is at least $300 and that's a lot for a couple to spend just to attend a wedding.

We are putting on the invitation "business casual" I don't want my guest to be too dressy but I DO NOT want jeans. The simple fact is my FBIL got married last year and they had a very laid back wedding (the wedding party wore jeans) which is fine, if that's what you want! But I don't, and I don't want my FH family to think our wedding will the same as his brothers. If his brother wouldn't have made wearing jeans okay, then I wouldn't be worried.

It's never effective to ask people how to dress; it simply doesn't work. Not everyone can rent a tux or buy a long gown in addition to travel, a gift, possible time off. Your guests are not props.

A 'black tie' affair isn't just a matter of you wanting people to dress up; there is a specific set of conditions that make that apparel appropriate; I don't know them all, but they include the type of food and level of service.

Your invitation, choice of venue, time of day should give people a clue about how formal it is, but I'd skip the black tie.

Personally? I think it's pretentious. And if I got an invite that asked me to dress a certain way, I'd decline.

I honestly have no advice to give. It's one of those things that I'm hoping my guest know us well enough that we wouldn't want them to show up to our wedding in really casual clothes. My only worry is that people will show up in flannel shirts, jeans and cowboy boots ( that's texas for you) Thankfully the only person I'm worried that would do this is my FSIL's husband...but I think FH was going to kindly ask SIL if she could mention to him to not wear jeans. But everyone else I have no control. I'm hoping it'll get around by word of mouth from my bridal party of if any guests ask me, but I'm not going to adress in my invite.

Are you actually having a black tie wedding? A black tie wedding is not the same as simply being formal. A black tie wedding indicates the best of the best, an entirely different level of wedding.

For example, when I think black tie: premium invitations and paper products such as programs and menus; stunning ballroom; live ceremony music; elaborate flowers at the ceremony and reception; premium bar; cocktail hour with butlered hors' d'oeuvres, white glove service, carving stations/pasta stations/raw bar; formal plated meal with options given - at least 3 courses including at least seafood and a filet; table side wine service at dinner; desserts in addition to wedding cake; a live band or club-level DJ for reception; etc. I have actually attended 1 TRUE black tie wedding and another that claimed to be black tie but really I thought was just formal.

You can't ask guests to wear black tie attire if you aren't providing them with a black tie experience. Etiquette dictates that only "black tie" or "black tie optional" dress codes can go on invitations. Otherwise, the style of your invitation will let people know the formality of your wedding and they will dress accordingly.

Unless its black tie, dont put it on the invite. Your venue and the invitation you select should mirror the formality you're expecting. If you are going to require black tie, keep in mind that 'black tie' means more than just what people are wearing.

Our venue has a dress code (its a country club) of no jeans/shorts, or uncollared shirts -- but we put that on the website.

Are these friends and loved ones or props for your pictures? Your mom is right.

It will be a black tie theme. I've been to so many weddings where people show up wearing jeans or shorts and it's so tacky. Thank you all for your input. I think putting 'black tie' on the invites may be an option or doing word of mouth.

Please explain black tie theme

Black tie "theme"?

Black time "theme" does not equal black tie wedding. You were given many examples of what a true black tie wedding is. If yours does not fall into that category, you should not dictate what your guests wear. If you don't want to listen to the advice (that you asked for, BTW) that we have given you, then listen to your mom.

I have been to weddings That say "black tie event" directly on the invitation but I can see that people think it's tacky... I guess I didn't think anything of it. I think I would be more upset if I showed up and didn't get the memo

I think you want people to dress formal....HUge difference between black tie and t-shorts and shorts. In the end, does it really matter what they wear? People will usually dress up, but if a few don't, it shouldn't change how you feel about your wedding day. I will tell you this... Don't expect anyone to go throw over $100 away to rent a tux for your wedding. That's unreasonable.

If you tell me what to wear at your wedding, I will come dress to the nine, and upstage you! Petty powers activated!

I agree that it is pretentious. Unless your wedding is black tie, a dress code should not be specified on the invitation. Most adults know how to dress properly and they take their cues from the invitation, venue and time of day the wedding is taking place. I have never seen a guest attend a wedding in jeans or looking like they just got finished with yard work.

Also, "business casual" is a bizarre dress code for a social celebration. I would be side eyeing that one. Your wedding is not a work meeting.