Drama! Friends Bachelorette Party

I really don't understand weekend long bachelorette parties, let alone "destination" parties. If you do that, then you have NO right to be mad when people can't go, none. She is in the wrong, not you. Don't kick her out, but see how she wants to proceed. Brides do not have a right to ask people to spend a ridiculous amount of money on bachelorette parties (or anything). If they want to do that, fine, but don't expect people to come and don't get mad when people can't.

You shouldn't call this person a "friend." She's not.

@Mandypants and @svet are you both in Ohio too??? Johnny Mango's is amazing!

She then had the nerve to text me and say "Since your responded "no" so quicky to my party, I asked my cousin how much it costs and I dont think the price is THAT unreasonable".

Okay, maybe for YOU it isnt unreasonable, but like others have said, you have no idea what monetary obligations I have, which is exactly what I told her...

ETA: words are hard

How have I not been to Johnny Mango's?? Thanks for the tip, Svet!

ETA: OP, your friend is being ridiculous. Let things cool off a while and see if she reaches out to you. I wouldn't go to her first. When is your wedding?

I'm sorry you're going through this OP. She is being absolutely unreasonable.

I think taking a deep breath would absolutely be best. Don't let it ruin your plans. if she drops out of your wedding, great...if she realizes she's being an ass, that's great too.

Your friend needs to understand that it's NOT just the money. You also have your child that weekend. So not only would you have to split the cost of everything to be away the entire weekend, you'd also have to pay for a sitter for your child which is even more money out of pocket.

and if she doesn't think it's that unreasonable, then she can pay for you herself.

sheesh!

@LindseyO, her wedding is in September and mine is in January.

I am blown away that she is your MOH and did not make you a bridesmaid yet turns around and gets mad at you for not being to afford her bachelorette trip! One of my bridesmaids just lost her job last week and her first text to me was apologizing for probably not being able to attend my destination bachelorette party this summer. I immediately told her to not worry about that and that I completely understand her not coming or that maybe I could pay part for her to come.

The bride/your MOH is way out of line here. So sorry that you now have this conflict overshadowing your own wedding. I really do not know if your friendship can come back from this. Is this normal for her or has wedding brain taken over? If you want to salvage it, I really suggest you have a sitdown with her in person telling her how much she means to you and with lots of I statements about being hurt by this. Do not do this over text or through other people like the cousin/MOH.

@Kate, I found that quite odd too, but I let it go.

It bothered me again though when I told her I couldnt go to her party, she said "I thought we were close, I mean, im your MOH"...

@kirackle, this is slightly how she has always been, but NEVER to this level.

And I guess I am just so willing to let this "friendship" fall apart because she has been this way since ive known her, this was just like the tip of the iceberg. She has been in situations like this before with other friends, but never me. I was always the one she would TELL about her problems with her other friends.

ETA: At this point, I wouldnt be hurt if she dropped out of the wedding (I kinda wish she would!), and granted until/if this ever gets settled (which I dont know HOW we can come back from this) I am not discussing my wedding in any way with her.

I would've said "well I'm not even a bridesmaid, what's up with that". No shits given, especially at that point.

@MsDtoR2018- She told me that having my daughter was a terrible excuse because I have her every weekend and I had plenty of time to find a sitter, my mother for example or fiance's sister.

How rude!?

ETA: She has a 2 year old daughter too and she also said "youre not the only friend of mine that is going that has to worry about their kid". Which I TOTALLY understand, but at the same time, I dont see mine all week (granted shes FH daughter, not mine yet... but I treat her as my child, not just my step child) as she is with her mother.

Obviously your friend is being very unreasonable about her BP. No one should feel required to spend money on a BP. They are optional.

However, I find it a bit odd you are so willing to throw away your best friend over this. I mean, she's your MOH. That means she's the woman you're closest to, right? She's being shitty, but wouldn't you rather talk it out than lose your best friend in the world? Is she spending a lot of money on your wedding? Maybe that would make someone upset if their friend didn't return the favor. I read that she says you've been self-involved and haven't asked about her wedding much. Is that true? When you hang out, are you mainly talking about yourself and your life? I'd spend a few days trying to see things from her perpsective and figure out why she's upset with you. Then talk it out if you think the relationship is worth it. I wouldn't throw away a long-time best friendship over something that could be a misunderstanding.

@Absterx3

In that case, I still suggest an in person sitdown but not sure when that should happen because of the timelines for both of your weddings. However, the longer this goes the more harm to your friendship.

Do not kick her out, but after this blows over I do think you should ask her whether she still wants to be MOH.

That's shitty

@lyla- She and I have been very close over the years, especially since her daughter was born. However, when we hang out (always at her discretion), its because she wants to get AWAY from her FH 's son. I do talk about myself when we hang out, but not to an extreme amount. I also dont talk about my wedding with her, unless she asks. I always ask her about her wedding and what I can do to help, seeing as how its coming before mine. I try and be there for her whenever she needs something and I like to think im a good friend to her.

The last thing I said to her was, im not having this discussion over text, it needs to be done in person. I havent heard back.

Girl, please... I don't even give selfish idiots my time. I pick and choose my friends very carefully and I love them with all my heart. If any of them pulled this shit on me, they are OUTTA MY LIFE!

anyway, this is why I am just having a local bachelorette dinner and calling it a day.

I agree with previous PP that it is extremely odd she's your MOH and you didn't make the cut to be at least a BM. Is her bridal party family only?

Oh hell no!

I've got two bonus daughters and we only get to see them on the weekends...literally 4 days out of the month. So I rarely make plans on the weekends we have them unless I can include them. Sorry my time with them is super limited...I didn't ask for that!

(Example: I'm a school bus driver. I was offered a field trip on a Saturday to a really fun amusement park. The field trip is the same weekend we have the kids so I told my boss that I can do it IF I take the kids with me...so guess who's going with me!)

I can't believe she actually said that! Proper or not, if someone had said that to me, I'd be kicking them out of my wedding party. You don't talk about my kids like that. they're not pawns to pass on someone else for an unnecessary weekend, they're my children!

Someone said something extremely similar to FH about the kids recently..this guy was supposed to be in the BP - FH told him that his services would no longer be necessary in the BP and that unless he changed his tune, he would only be receiving an announcement because he wouldn't be welcomed at the wedding. His buddy had basically told him that because he's been around longer than FH's kids have been, that FH should be willing to give up his time to help his friend out. uhhhhhh...GFY!

ETA: she's a STB step-mom too?!

double WTF! she of all people should understand!!!