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Shirley
Expert November 2020

Don't know why I'm even doing this

Shirley, on January 25, 2021 at 1:42 PM Posted in Planning 0 6
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I was legally married in a minimony last month. I had always wanted a big wedding and my family really wanted me to have a big event, so I started planning a big event again. But it is just making me so unhappy.

I was planning to have the party this year so that it isn't too far from our marriage date, maybe for Fall when the pandemic is a bit better, but every venue is booked. I had booked my dream venue for our original date last year, but it isn't available this year or even for most of next year. I was so set on that venue that now I don't know what I want. I have tried to find some available venues like it, but every time I show my family, they say the venues look cheap and that I'm better off getting married in a tented venue outside on the water (which I have never wanted, I believe it can be very beautiful but it just isn't me). I feel like I can't find a venue that is nice enough and that won't draw criticism/contempt from my family.

When I told my dad this, he suggested I get married in a destination wedding like my cousin did so that I can find a nicer venue that people will want to go to. I have two other family weddings this fall, and both will be at the most expensive venues in their respective towns. My parents feel a lot of pressure to host the same type of event (in my family/culture, they are hosting the wedding, not me, and it wouldn't be appropriate for me to take over hosting it). So I'm stuck planning this wedding that seems impossible to plan, that I'm not excited about, and that I feel will just be mocked by the family members who do attend as not being nice enough.

I always wanted to have a big party to celebrate with people, but after the pandemic and everything that has happened, I just don't want it anymore. It feels anti-climactic because I'm already married, and the family pressure is making me not want to celebrate with my family at all.

Sorry for the long post. I think I could just use some insight or support because I'm so down about this and feel trapped by expectations for this event.

6 Comments

Latest activity by Chrysta, on January 26, 2021 at 10:11 AM
  • Yasmine
    Rockstar October 2020
    Yasmine ·
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    It sucks that you are feeling like this. Do you not want your parents to look for a venue and figure things out since they are technically hosting it? Or do you think they would choose something that you don't like? It seems like at this point the wedding isn't even about you or what you want, that its for competition. I hope that everything works out Smiley heart

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  • Chrysta
    Rockstar November 2022
    Chrysta ·
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    I completely get where you’re coming from, and I am so sorry! It sounds like the most important thing for you is just being able to celebrate with your family and friends. And the thing that is making you miserable is the planning. T bh, if I were in your situation (wanting a large celebration but not enjoying the planning/feeling lots of criticism from the family that is hosting it), I would relinquish complete control to the family. I would give them a range of dates to work with and let them plan everything (they are paying for it anyway), and just show up and have a great, carefree time!
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  • Mrs. Spring
    Master April 2021
    Mrs. Spring ·
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    Wilk tour parents be financially contributing to the event?
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  • B
    Dedicated August 2022
    Bride2Be ·
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    I’m sorry you’re having to go through that! Maybe look into getting a wedding planner to work with your parents if they are paying for it! That way you don’t have the stress of the planning and they can e what you want and roll with it!
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  • Shirley
    Expert November 2020
    Shirley ·
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    I think this is a great idea. My parents are the one who have a vision for the wedding anyway, and then I can just enjoy the party. Maybe it won't feel completely mine, but I would much prefer that to guessing what they want.

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  • Chrysta
    Rockstar November 2022
    Chrysta ·
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    I would just go into it with the mindset of it being like a surprise party! Your only task is to show up & have fun 😀
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