earias
Champion December 2017

Do you think weddings bring out the worst or best in people?

earias, on May 14, 2018 at 3:37 PM

Posted in Family and Relationships 54

Some people say weddings bring out the worst in people. Family drama even sometimes erupt when nothing was present before. Tensions are high and a lot of money is at stake. Other people love weddings. They love "love." They want to be involved with the wedding planning from every aspect and help...

Some people say weddings bring out the worst in people. Family drama even sometimes erupt when nothing was present before. Tensions are high and a lot of money is at stake.

Other people love weddings. They love "love." They want to be involved with the wedding planning from every aspect and help wherever possible.

What do you think? Have you seen examples of either one or both? If so, share them here!

54 Comments

  • BB-H
    VIP September 2018
    BB-H ·
    • Flag

    I think it brings out what's already there. Kind of like a "drunk words are sober thoughts" type of thing.
    I'm not counting times where people are overwhelmed and had an argument and said something they didn't mean. I'm talking more about the "my day my way" mentalities and the backseat brides and controlling parents, as well as the sweet outpouring of support and encouragement and help, support and celebration. I think there are times when someone gets too stressed out and says or does something that's not the nicest, but I also think that you can distinguish that from something deeper.

    • Reply
  • J
    Expert May 2018
    J ·
    • Flag
    I don’t think weddings necessarily bring out the best or worst in people, but I think it makes them show their true colors! Loving and caring people will be supportive and selfish people will cause problems!
    • Reply
  • Mrs.Whooooo
    Master May 2017
    Mrs.Whooooo ·
    • Flag
    My wedding was mostly drama free so I’d like to say out of love but given stuff I see here on WW, with both guests and those planning, id definitely say the worst.
    • Reply
  • earias
    Champion December 2017
    earias ·
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    I agree it helps to not share so many details with people. And it is weird when people get their feelings hurt when you don't invite people you haven't seen in years!

    • Reply
  • earias
    Champion December 2017
    earias ·
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    Good idea to change the subject! That way you don't get caught in the middle of an awkward or tense discussion.

    • Reply
  • earias
    Champion December 2017
    earias ·
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    That's terrible! So sorry to hear your best friend is doing that.

    • Reply
  • earias
    Champion December 2017
    earias ·
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    That is too bad your mom can't just sit back and let you plan your wedding the way you want instead of trying to live her dream through you. But that's great about your FMIL! So good you at least have her in your life to support you during this time.

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  • earias
    Champion December 2017
    earias ·
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    Yes, so true!

    • Reply
  • earias
    Champion December 2017
    earias ·
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    True, there definitely are a lot of posts on here that make you believe weddings tend to bring out the worst in people.

    • Reply
  • T
    Super December 2018
    T P ·
    • Flag
    Stress is handled differently by every person. Weddings tend to be considered important affairs to many families, so a prodigious amount of care is given to the planning process. Unfortunately, when there is any major project that involves a vast number of people or high expense, the stress experienced is much more intense. Not everyone is prepared to properly address their own fears, frustrations, or insecurities during wedding planning; all of which may be further compounded by the stress of others. I imagine that individuals who are better able to manage stress better enjoy the planning process and wedding experience. Individuals who have a more difficult time managing stress may not be able to express their feelings in a constructive way which may be why some believe that weddings bring out the worst in people.
    • Reply
  • Pirate & 60s Bride
    Legend March 2017
    Pirate & 60s Bride ·
    • Flag

    Both--the best and worst. My DH & I are type-A, organized people but geesh, planning can get stressful! Very emotional too since grandparents and MIL already passed away, even we snapped at each other a few times the last few weeks. I think because our families are so small, and we kept all our details secrets because we wanted to surprise guests, we avoided a lot of friend/family drama and criticism I've read here (I can't imagine friends poo-poo'ing my ideas or dress!). Also, perhaps because we're older our circle of friends/colleagues is smaller than in our 20's but they're mature and respectful people. But...one friend disappeared I think out of jealousy, and a few people showed their true colors by RSVPing but flaking because they were "too busy" that night. Really??? It's ok, the right people were there to support us and we love them!

    • Reply
  • The Nuptials
    VIP July 2018
    The Nuptials ·
    • Flag

    Worst - especially with close family members. My mother has lost her mind, I'm not too surprised as she's never been even keeled. From trying to make this my sisters bday party to wanting to know every detail of our relationship/future marriage. We aren't speaking because she's so out of line and disrespectful and my vendor team knows to not listen to a word she says.

    My FMIL who hasn't been the best in the process, really due to a lack of understanding etiquette has done an about face. She's totally onboard but refuses to pay for my makeup artist, which is fine. She wants someone to do her face for about $30 and not $80. But she's spending thousands on stuff for other people for the wedding like her grand kids. In the end I know she will be upset about how she looks in pics.

    I have a dear friend who can't be bothered to even say hello now that her BF that she just moved in with told her he didn't want to get married anytime soon. Prior to my engagement (two yrs ago), she was going on and on about how he promised to marry her. So I think my wedding is a sore spot for her.

    I know one thing, I will never forget how people treated us, especially not my mother.

    • Reply
  • earias
    Champion December 2017
    earias ·
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    This is very well thought out. Stress management is definitely very important and helps keep the tensions down.

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  • earias
    Champion December 2017
    earias ·
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    I'm sorry to hear about your friend disappearing! My DH and I were so ready to be done with the wedding by the time it came because you're right, emotions run high and it can be very draining. We had a blast on the actual day and were so very happy, but we breathed a sigh of relief at the end of the night and were happy it was over!

    • Reply
  • earias
    Champion December 2017
    earias ·
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    I don't know any MUA who will do makeup for only $30! Even the girls at the makeup counters usually want you to buy at least 2 products to do a makeover and the total is usually more than $30. Good luck to your FMIL! That's too bad about your friend treating you differently now. And good luck dealing with your mom - wow!

    • Reply
  • Pirate & 60s Bride
    Legend March 2017
    Pirate & 60s Bride ·
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    I know, right?! We had quite the spat a few days before our wedding. We had family stay with us a week before the wedding which really couldn't be avoided but I would advise against it--playing tour guide, late nights, drinking added to our exhaustion. Wish the wedding could have gone on all night!!! Even though DH was sick before/during our wedding, we were thrilled we opted for a min-moon at our wedding resort. Heavenly to relax for a few days! And how good was it to enjoy "date nights" again after your wedding...and not having to "work" on your wedding???

    • Reply
  • earias
    Champion December 2017
    earias ·
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    Yes, and not feel bad for spending money! It's nice to splurge on eating out again and having our weekends free. Smiley laugh

    • Reply
  • Gipperkm
    Super September 2018
    Gipperkm ·
    • Flag

    Kind of both I think.

    I've seen a side to my Mom I've never seen before. A side that isn't good.

    And while FH and I had a pretty big fight over the wedding planning, we turned it into a positive and our relationship is even stronger because of it. For a while, it was nothing but wedding planning and we did nothing but talk about the wedding. All romance was pretty much lost. Because of this, we are making a point to have date day/night once a week and wedding talk is off limits during our dates. It's brought out the best in our relationship.

    • Reply
  • Alexandra
    Just Said Yes December 2018
    Alexandra ·
    • Flag
    I got engaged 2 weeks ago and I am planning for a 7 month engagement timeline. This has been fun for me and being as diligent as I am, I know we can plan a wonderful wedding. My family on the other hand has been pretty unsupportive and has no problem criticizing every little idea I have. On the other hand, my FH family is super supportive and happy about our choices! I guess it just depends on the family dynamic as a whole. My friend had a 4 month engagement, huge wedding and her family was supportive but her husband’s family was not. So, definitely can bring out the best or worse, but it depends on the family I assume!
    • Reply
  • RH912
    Devoted July 2018
    RH912 ·
    • Flag
    Personally my friends and family have been great. I've seen some horror stories on WW that make me grateful but sad that any bride/couple has to go through the stress when they should be able to enjoy this time.
    • Reply

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