Do you regret picking your bridesmaids?

It seems that people's expectations are directly related to those who want to do things without help. I didn't want my girls to help me - so I didn't want them/need them at tastings, tourings, shopping, etc. If they asked to go - sure! They were welcomed. But I didn't need their opinion on every little thing - my husband and I made the decisions. For me, they were to support me the day of, not the days leading to it. And they did, beautifully. They helped all freakin' day.

As for the showers/parties, in my area/family, family does it, not the bridal party. I threw one for my best friend when I was her MOH because her family didn't live near us. So I did it. But for mine, my cousins did it.

Thanks for some of the support. I feel a little better. But to those of you saying strictly I shouldn't expect anything, how can I when they decided to plan these things and backed out last minute? That's like planning a vacation. You don't HAVE to have a vacation, but once you're in the process and the date is getting close, you expect to go. To bail on something last minute really breaks my heart. Why bring it up in the first place? My MOH told me I HAVE to have a bachlorette party no matter what and a shower. I said, okay. Great. Well, don't make promises you can't keep because it really hurts me when I was only days or weeks away from it happening only to realize that it wouldn't after all. From now on, I don't expect anything. I learned my lesson.

I had a similar situation with my bridal party. None of the girls knew each other so it was very difficult because they each have their own personalities. when we started planning for the bridal shower I had a falling out with one of my bridesmaids which I do regret I shouldn't have gotten involved in anything that had to do with planning. In the end the bridal shower was done by my mom and MOH and another one of my BM, it turned out amazing so no problems there and one of the bridesmaids didn't show up which I am still a bit bothered about after it had been planned for months. We were planning to go to Disney for my bachelorrete party with some other girls and because of the whole situation 1 of my bridesmaids isn't going because she feels uncomfortable with my MOH so I told her it was fine if she would stay, the last thing I want is for anyone to be uncomfortable. Yesterday we found out another bridesmaids backed down from the bachelorrete because of money issues so now its just my MOH, one of my BM and a friend going to Disney which I am fine with honestly. If there is something I have learned with this experience is that you can't please everyone, and this wedding is only important to you and your FH no one else and you really can't expect them to drop everything and cater to your wedding because it just doesn't work that way. I don't regret having picked them because they are each important to me and I want them up there with me but it was very stressful, I think having your expectations so high is the reason why your feeling this way because it was the way I felt as well. You have to learn to just deal with it because in all honesty is not worth the stress whatsoever.

I am so sorry this happened! I see a lot of ladies on here are pretty much just saying that you should not expect anything from your bridal party, and while I agree you shouldn't expect anything, I still think they should be doing some things for you. I mean, not attending the bachelorette party? Come on! That is a little ridiculous. It's not like you are demanding they do all of these little extra things for you; you were bummed about the bach party and the shower, which in my opinion are 2 things they should expect to attend when they agree to be your bridesmaid. Let's not forget, ladies that as the bride should not expect her BMs to do crazy things for her, the BMs also have the right to say no when they were originally asked to participate. Normal things like the bridal shower are no brainers in my opinion.

@Anne, I am sorry I didn't make myself clearer. When I said "you" really shouldn't expect anything I was speaking in the general sense as a bride. I totally understand what you mean about being hurt on broken promises. My parents did that my whole life and that is why I have "don't expect anything" mentality.

We decided against a traditional bridal party and have just our children in our wedding. My kids are older (daughter-23, son-21) and his kids are younger (daughter-8, son-3), so his kids will walk down the aisle with him and mine will walk me down. The only thing I am asking my kids to do is stand up there and plant a tree with us. We will be giving gifts (small tokens) during the ceremony to each other's kids and say a simple vow to love and care for them. My daughter has offered to say a blessing and a quick toast prior to dinner which I am thrilled about. We are not having any type of shower or bachelorette party, so this is a non-issue for us. It's hard to be 'on-call' for wedding duties when you're living this busy life. Those of you with maids and men, keep your expectations low and you'll be fine.

I agree w/ @Starr

Um I totally don't agree we it everyone else! Expecting your bridesmaids and ESPECIALLY your MOH to not flake on your wedding events is NOT unreasonable! And I fully expect my MO and bridesmaids to collaborate on my bachelorette party. My family will be throwing me a bridal shower (against my protests). I'm MOH in two weddings this fall and getting married myself....and I have two kids and work full time....and I for darn sure will be helping out and throwing awesome parties for my sister and best friend. My bridal party consists of the women I love and am closest with. They are all excited to be a part of my wedding and celebrate with me. Seriously how could anyone be content with a bridal party that won't come to your bachelorette party. You have every right to be bothered! I would be so hurt!

Nope, I don't regret mine. But I picked people I was close enough to that I genuinely wanted them to stand up with me, regardless of whether they did anything else.

No regrets at all. My three girls are easy to deal with but there isn't much to complain about.

Yes, I was disappointed by my Bridesmaids. My MOH was wonderful though so that made up for the other 3 which turned into 2. I didn't expect much from my girls either just to buy their own dresses (any kind) and show up and be happy and supportive. Bridesmaid P couldn't attend the engagement party or go with us when I went dress shopping. A couple of months later she got offered an internship in a different state so she told me she couldn't be in the wedding. After the initial rejected feelings I got over it and was actually happy for her.

I had plenty of time to add another girl bridesmaid M and she was really happy to be invited to be part of it as she was just engaged too. Bridesmaid K and M never showed up to look for their own dresses at the mall so it was just MOH and I who tried some on picked two, sent pictures and they all agreed on the same one (super reasonable at $60) and ordered that online. I wasn't picky about jewelry, shoes, hair or makeup because I know they're all on a tight budget. I offered to take them jewelry shopping and pay but they couldn't meet with me. I got my friend to style their hair and I paid for it. All gifting on both sides (mine and theirs) went over fine, but that's not really as meaningful of the simple acts of friendship that I felt were lacking.

Bridesmaid K never showed up the bridal shower claiming she got lost. Bridesmaid M invited her mom without my knowledge and her mom was apparently on call at work and consequently forced them both to leave early. Bridesmaid K never came to the overnight Bachelorette party for financial reasons (totally understandable) and Bridesmaid M had to leave early for a study session, causing my MOH to leave early since she drove her. On the day of the wedding Bridesmaid M had to leave right after the pictures after the ceremony for a "personal reason." All of these things my MOH had planned and she was trying her best to rally the other two and they would either not respond to anything or just go along with it and find an excuse out at the last minute.

I honestly didn't even want a bachelorette party and my MIL hosted the engagement party and and my mom hosted the bridal shower. All of the girls were in state within an hour of each other but it was the hardest thing getting anyone together.

So far so good. I knew it could get interesting b/c 2 are out of state-including my cousin the MOH, and the others don't know each other. So the tidbits I get when asked about my shower/bachelorette events, gave me hints of how things were going as they start to get more involved in planning things as a crew. I think I've heard enough to remind me to stay out of what they are planning in order for me not take anything wrong or take sides. As if, I don't have plenty of planning duties for the actual wedding on my plate. Overall, I'm sure it will stay relatively drama-free, and that's why I chose these ladies who are mature, and looking out for me. And yes, I'd be hurt if they didn't show support, although I don't expect a lot. I also know how I've been there for 3/5 who have already got married, and plan to do all I can for one who is recently engaged, and my MOH who will someday get married too. Hang in there Anne!