Do you regret picking your bridesmaids?

I get that you're disappointed--and that's fair. Still, these girls have their own lives to deal with. Most likely, you chose them to stand up with you because of your relationships with them, not because of their party-planning skills. It stinks, but they'll do what was asked--stand up with you. TBH, that's all that's required. I wouldn't get caught up in what's NOT happening; instead, focus on the beautiful wedding I'm sure you're going to have.

I definitely do not regret my decision at all--but that's because I asked my nearest and dearest to be up there with me. And I have understood from the very beginning not to expect anything from them except that they will be up there with me on my wedding day. They bought their dresses, but I am paying for them to get hair and makeup done and I am buying them each a gift that is not wedding related, because I want them to know just how special they are to me and how much it means to me that they are going to be part of my wedding. These are people I love dearly. I can't imagine regretting asking any one to be in my wedding party. I'm sorry you feel the way you do.

I don't think OP was really expecting them to throw her a shower /b.p ,& more like it was being planned and they flaked.

Yeah. I'd be pissed too. Luckily that didn't happen to me. I do regret choosing one who also is no longer a 'maid . All others I don't expect much of them.

One offered to make a card box for me , and I'm hoping she'll follow through on this ....since she offered ...but if not. No big deal I can just go to hobby lobby and buy a box and decorate myself

I don't want to offend anyone, but I do want to voice my opinion. I have more expectations of my BM's other than them showing up to my wedding. I have over 100 guest simply showing up to the wedding. The role of the MOH and BM's is to support the bride before the wedding as well as the day of the wedding. "Support" can have different meanings. With that being said, I do think its important to explain your expectations to your BM's. They do have a choice to accept or not to accept.

^I second what @Starr said about explaining expectations to your BM. For anyone reading this who hasn't chosen BM, be sure to be up front when asking people to be in your wedding party what you expect from them including time and cost expectations (BM dress, chipping in for bachelorette, bridal shower, hair and makeup if applicable, etc). Believe it or not some people simply don't know what the expectations are or they could be used to a different set of expectations from you. Before I accept any role of BM, I specifically ask what is needed of me and my sisters did the same thing when I asked them so there are no disappointments. Life is not a movie, people have busy lives and their own priorities.

@Starr, I am glad you voice your opinion. It is good to see different perspectives.

HiH... That meme is awesome.

My MOH is out of state in grad school and worrying about planning stuff for me...I told her that as long as she's standing next to me that day, I'm happy. Yea, a shower and a bachelorette party are nice, but they're just added perks. I would never EXPECT it.

Your expectations are NOT too high. Your bridal party should be the ones throwing these events for you. BM should be the ones putting together your shower and bachelorette party. How can they back out of a party that THEY planned?? My only question here is - are you planning these events? and therefore expecting too much of them, maybe price-wise?

@ Care Bear ,thanks. I don't always post b/c some of these women are just rude sometimes. The point of a forum is to hear different opinions, not to make others feel bad.

Nope. I love all 4 of them dearly. 1 is my niece who is a college kid struggling to work and go to school at the same time. She is still there at the important stuff, like trying on dresses, the shower and bachelorette party yesterday. The other 3 are my MOH (BM's Mom, my cousin) and 2 BFFS from nursing school. These girls have been amazing! They stepped up and helped me plan and cater my mini wedding at the hospital on a few weeks notice, and helped hold me up with dad's passing. I have been through hell with them over the years and they are the best. I expected nothing other than to show up in their dresses in March. I got a nice but simple shower and went painting with them last night. We had a blast and will go back. Nothing was over the top, still nice.

@Starr, I know what you mean which is the reason why I dedicated a post encouraging you to do so. As you can see from my first post, I really expect practically nothing from my BM but I know other brides have different level of expectations. But I wouldn't fault them for it unless they are being a total unreasonable bridezilla like Melany, the bride who thought it was outrageous her BM is getting engaged before her wedding is over. It is very possible to share different opinions without being rude about it.

Not at all. I have 8 girls and after reading rant after rant on WW have been expecting drama. But everything has been really fairly drama free. I've even had one bridesmaid step down gracefully (for very valid reasons) but that allowed another friend of mine to be involved so it all worked out. They all are busy and have their own lives so they disappear for a bit but check in how and then, ask me what they can help with, how the plans are going and have generally been wonderful. Picking dresses was the most stressful part and by comparison even that wasn't so bad so I consider myself very lucky. Now 2 of my girls are out of state, 2 are underage and 1 is out of the country so my expectations aren't that high for bachelorette/shower parties but I wouldn't change my girls for anything.

I'm sorry you're having a tough time with your bridal party. Hopefully things will turn around for you closer to the wedding.

The only real expectation I have of my bridesmaids is for them to serve as a sounding board/emotional support leading up to and on the day of the wedding. My ladies are my friends and family and I don't think that's too much to ask. However, I do know not to abuse it - which is where Wedding Wire comes in. I also have another friend (not as close) who is planning her wedding at the same time and we have been able to exchange ideas and vent to each other. SO helpful and I'm glad I have that resource. I do have one girl that I sort of regret choosing - not because she's done anything wrong (she's super sweet), but because I'm not as close to her as the other girls. Nothing to get worked up over, though.

I think its so odd that people choose their wedding party and dont feel comfortable speaking to them about how they feel. We all know we shouldnt technically expect anything, but we also know that as brides we hope our wedding party will share in our planning and parties... like we did with theirs. I would be so disappointed if my girls planned something for me and then didnt show up. BUT I would be comfortable telling them so.

@ Care Bear, Amen!

I don't regret picking mine, but I also don't really have anything that I have expected them to do other than buy their dress, which they all did within two months of picking them out.

I didn't want bridesmaids really and my would have been MOH was a problem the entire time and then dropped out about a month before hand and due to other we know & certain happening I'm having to deal with it all over again so the very sound of word bridesmaid is giving me a headache. :/

So yes, I regret it.

but then, not so sure I would have wanted to have a wedding party to do it over again, probably not!

I didn't regret my decision, but then I didn't expect much from them, either. One came with me to look at dresses, but it didn't even occur to me to ask the others-- why would they want to? Same one came to the florist, cake tasting, etc. She was planning her own wedding (for about 4 months before mine) so we did it all in tandem. The others were not getting married, so had no interest in any of that, which I totally understand.

I have to disagree w/ the majority should you expect them to throw you parties & be there for your wedding? No. Should they. Yes Definitely. At the end of the day BMs are friends & family. If you can't count on them as you make the biggest step in you life 1. They aren't good friends 2. Why do you need BMs then. You have to work w/ these women for your & FHs big day. This is not a show up & smile for my pictures committee? Thats dumb. We've already have were the BMs pick there own dress, sometimes the bride even pays. I know for mine I will pay (if not all the majority of the attire cost) I am also covering hair & makeup & lodging as they are staying the weekend in the mansion we are renting for our reception that weekend. Besides they are also goid friends. I understand not being able to make the 6 hr bach trip, but if she said shes going to do something locally she should. Doesn't have to be a grand affair wine & appetizers at her apartment w/ some fun games from pinterest would suffice.

I didn't ask much of my bridal party. My I sister/MOH did the most but some of that wasbecause she was my sister (she came dress shopping and aattended the cake tasting). All but 2 of my bridesmaids attended my shower (I understood why the 2 couldn't attend). My MOH also organized and hosted the shower and bachelorette party (both were low key affairs which is what I wanted). There is 1 bridesmaid I regret asking. She tried to take control of everything. Seriously, she wanted to go to a strip club for the bachelorette party (which no one else wanted to do, myself included), she tried to dictate the shower (telling people where they could sit and what games we "had" to play - I dis like shower games and there were no prizes so games made no sense). She asked me to change the processional song (she liked the song MOH/RB/FG were walking to better), mentioned about 20 times I "need" to do the bouquet and garter toss (just no on that one) and the biggest reason.... she sent her husband to "grab" her jewelry box (in the room we were all getting ready in while we were getting ready) and he grabbed my small jewelry box (with my name engraved in it). Yep, that's where the wedding rings were (which meant the ceremony was delayed while MOH and I looked for the rings and jewelry box. After about 10 minutes I decided we would worry about it later and DH and I "faked" the ring exchange. We got the rings during cocktail hour but there was no need for her to have the jewelry collected then. The room was secure and would have been fine until after the ceremony).