Do you regret picking your bridesmaids?

I was setting up to do their hair and airbrush makeup for them at no cost. I was planning on getting them nice gifts, the whole nine yards, but I haven't gotten anything in return. I really am not feeling the love here. In fact, this is the most stressful part out of my whole wedding planning. I'm feeling extremely bummed right now. I can't rely on them.

So I want to hear your stories... I hope that I'm not the only one that has BMs that aren't really that great.

Lower your expectations. They dont have to do these things for you, and one should never go into wedding planning with the mindset that your bridemaids are supposed to do things for you.

That being said I regret one of my maids because she is very flaky. She offers to do things, and never delivers. Normally thats not so much a problem in our friendship, but with wedding planning its kind of a hassle.

I'm not having issues with mine but I can imagine how hurtful it must be to have everyone back out last minute. What was their reasoning for not attending? was it financial or conflicting schedules? I think 6 months is an adequate amount of time to plan ahead but sometimes life does throws you curveballs.

All of my BMs are either OOT or in another country all together so I'm not having a bachlorette party and my shower is going to be 3 days before my wedding in order to fit into everyones schedules.

I assume you picked them because you are very close to them? therefore I would suggest talking to them about how you feel. So sorry you are feeling neglected.

As long as my bridesmaids show up to the ceremony, I'm good. I don't need all the other stuff.

I'm with allysia02, my bridesmaids are all in different states. The only thing I'm doing with them is the day before the wedding before our rehearsal we'll do something together. Other than that I don't expect much, however one did surprise me by offering to make something for my wedding and has been really excited about it. But that was way beyond expectation.

I think it's hard for you to have plans set, get excited, then they all back out. I would get frustrated with that too. But they don't really need to be throwing those things and planning those things, it's more of just a perk.

I did however regret one bridesmaid and she is no longer a bridesmaid. We had some pretty crazy issues where I told her that we weren't allowing children at our wedding and since she thinks her child is the next messiah (he'll be 6 months at our wedding) she was incredibly hurt and her and her husband said some terrible things even after I was very polite and bending over backwards to try and find a solution. She has become a very different person over the last couple years, and I just don't think we're close enough anymore. I ended up replacing her with my college roommate and I'm so happy I did, she has been an excellent bridesmaid! It was a lot of drama though with the original one. Everyone says not to choose your bridesmaids early on and I didn't think it'd be a problem since this friend has been my close friend since 7th grade...but things happen. It does suck though, and I made this little meme when I was dealing with all this crap that kind of made me laugh!

You haven't gotten anything in return?

They don't owe you anything. Their job is to stand up at your wedding.

I am not having an engagement party, wedding shower, stagette or any type of pre-wedding party. I would feel guilty expecting people to plan all that crap for me.

I do think the industry has tried to brainwash us into thinking we need all these extra things from our bridal party.

Just google MOH duties and you will find long lists of ridiculous tasks that your bridal party is supposed to do for you. I saw one that said the MOH was supposed to help the bride create a pinterest board and also give the guests her contact information so they can call her with questions like, wtf no!

It's gone too far and its leading to a bunch of disappointment all around.

However I still understand the OPs disappointment because her friends flaked on her and having you friends bail on you regardless of if it is wedding related or not is always going to be hurtful.

I agree with AlexisM. Other than my MOH helping me pick my wedding dress, I'm not really asking bridesmaids to do much. My two bridesmaids both have small children, and one does not live close to me. You have to have reasonable expectations because, as people always say here, no one will be as excited for your wedding as you are.

I am a control freak and when I was planning our larger wedding I didn't want the bridal party doing anything for me. I was paying for everything so that everything would be done to my standards. Now that we are having a small wedding and cut all bridal party except for our kids and grandkids. I am still paying for attire and still having it done my way. They are all okay with it because I will let them pick out what they want to wear but it has to pass my approval. I am paying for alterations so I know that a professional will be doing them correctly. I never had expectations so I never had stress in that area. I have always found it odd when a bride has high expectations.

Sorry it was posted three times by my computer.

Definitely lower your expectations. You don't pick your BM's because of what they can do for you. You pick them because they are the most special girls in your life and you want them with you on the day.

I agree with everyone else. Your expectations are too high. I have my MOH and 5 bridesmaids. I don't expect them to plan anything for me. However my MOH is planning a stag and doe and my mother will be hosting a bridal shower. The bridesmaids did not pick out or help with anything and I never expected them too. I asked them to stand with me because they are important people in my life, not because I wanted them to plan parties for me.

My MOH is helping me with looking for venues etc. My other bridesmaids are OOT. I did ask who I thought was a close friend until she told me she didn't like my fiancee. She also removed herself from the wedding party which is good with me. I understand your frustration because this was planned ahead of time. Have fun and enjoy your day

I agree, you can't expect these things, but for them to bail on you I absolutely understand the disappointment! Have your mom continue to throw your shower (if this is what she offered) and hopefully your friends make it, if not I'm sure there's a reason like financial issues or conflicting schedules. Also, if they're your best friends, which I'm assuming they are being in your bridal party, talk to them. Don't set expectations but rather how you feel. Also, I think you mentioned you were sending out invites, the invites to these events shouldn't come from you as you shouldn't be throwing them for yourself, just my personal opinion though. I know every group of friends do things differently, we kind of have expectations set for my close knit group since I'm the 5th out of 6 of us to get married so I do feel lucky in that sense.

I don't regret who I chose at all! But then again, I really don't have that high of expectations of them since I'm a control freak. My mom, sister/MOH/bf are planning my shower and bachelorette party but other than that, I'm not asking much of them except to buy their dresses. They have the choice of paying for their hair/makeup or doing it themselves. And we all have busy lives!

There was a post like this recently and everyone pretty much to lower your expectations. Seriously, they don't HAVE to do anything. Life gets busy so give them a break. Your getting too worked up over this.

I do regret my decision. I only have a MOH. She kinda disappeared when I got sick and that rubbed me the wrong way. If she hadn't already bought her dress, I probably would have kindly asked her to step down.

Surprisingly I don't regret my decision. They have been very helpful.

Nope. I chose those who would do anything for me. But all I asked them to do was buy a dress and show up. They all have their own lives, all of which are busier than mine.

I am sorry you are feeling this way and hope it will turn around for you.

I don't regret picking my girls or have any stories to share since I expected practically nothing from them. The only thing I requested was them agreeing to a BM dress which I paid for and for them to show up and be excited the day of. That is all you can really expect, no one is going to be as excited for your wedding as you are except maybe us WW ladies and gents rooting for you