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Just Said Yes June 2019

Do people appreciate being part of the wedding party?

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Riley, on September 29, 2018 at 12:37 AM

So I have asked two women to be my bridesmaids so far. Both said yes, but neither were terribly thrilled and one even went as far as to cry because she was expecting MOH. I decided to ask my little sister to be MOH (since I live far away she doesn’t know it yet, I sent her a package) and I know she’s better fit for it than the friend who cried over it. My fiancé has also asked his brother to be a groomsmen and he received the same nonchalant response I did. I know it’s not like they’re being crowned royalty but I feel like they should at least be somewhat excited! I’m starting to get very hurt by everybody’s “meh” responses. Have any of you gotten similar responses to mine? It’s not a great feeling. I try to make them feel as special as I can.

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48 Comments

Devoted May 2017
Katelyn · on October 1, 2018 at 10:21 AM
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Honestly no (at least for me). If I am never a BM again, I will be over the moon (but I will be a BM at least one more time). First, the expense. When I'm a wedding guest, I wear a dress I already have whereas as a BM, you'll spend at least $50. Second, extra travel. Weddings have ballooned into these multi-event affairs (mine was too, so I'm throwing shade on myself), and BM are expected to try to be at all if not most of the events. As a BM, a wedding goes from a several hour affair to a ALL day getting ready session, a bridal shower, an engagement party, and a bachelorette. Some of those events (bachelorette) have become multi-day affairs themselves. Third, the travel associated with all those events if you're not local to the bride. I live in DC but I was a BM in Chicago and in Philadelphia. The wedding in Philly was on a Friday, so my husband and I went up Thurs night for the RD. I spent an extra $1000 on the wedding in Chicago b/c of travel and hotels. Fourth, being a BM (I think) is also becoming less special. A lot of brides ask all of their "nearest and dearest" friends, so a BP is 7+ people on either side. How many "nearest and dearest" friends can a person really have?? Finally, what does your SO do during all this all-day affair? For a wedding starting at 3 PM, the BP has to be with the bride starting at 9 AM a lot of the time.
For me, these feelings have developed over time. When I was in my sister's wedding in my early twenties, I LOVED being a BM. BUT now that I'm the swing of weddings (i.e. all my friends are getting married and we attend multiple weddings a year), it isn't as special. It is SOO special to watch someone get married and to spend time celebrating with them. BUT the couple is the one most excited to get married. Weddings really are mostly the same, so offer your friends and family some grace. When I'm a BM again, I will be excited for my friend to spend her life married, but I will not be as excited for the actual process of being a BM.
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Just Said Yes June 2019
Riley · on October 1, 2018 at 12:07 PM
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Honestly I wouldn’t ever expect my BMs to carry my wedding on their shoulders. I agree it is not their burden. My point was I felt unsupported and it left a bad taste in my mouth. Just wanted to see how others felt. Ty for your reply.
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Just Said Yes June 2019
Riley · on October 1, 2018 at 12:22 PM
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Thank you everyone for your responses! It was therapeutic to read through these and see everyone’s take on the matter. I’ve come to terms with my SO and I being the most excited lol. For all of those worries about expenses, the only thing my bridesmaids will have to pay for is their dress and nothing more
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Devoted September 2018
Mel · on October 2, 2018 at 11:18 AM
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I’ve been a junior bridesmaid (can’t remember the experience) and I was a MOH for my best friend’s wedding. It was absolutely exciting but very stressful and expensive. I would do it over again for her, but I would never accept a bridesmaid proposal for someone I’m not close to. Too expensive, time consuming and most bridal parties have some level of drama at some point. I do understand wanting people to be excited. My friends seemed excited so I was happy but it was really the day of that they were REALLY excited and that’s all I could really ask for.
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Dedicated December 2018
Rebecca · on October 2, 2018 at 11:33 AM
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All my BM were excited they even cried they were so happy. I've been a BM before and I was also excited it wasn't a big commitment or super time consuming. Having to buy a dress and attend a rehearsal and show up that day is all there is to it . They dont need to be with me to get ready or do everything together or buy matching shoes or anything they just have to get the same dress. Anything else is them or the bride being unnecessarily extra 🤷‍♀️ I've never had a problem being a BM I just think sometimes people overthink things and make it bigger than it actually is.
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Beginner February 2020
Laura · on October 5, 2018 at 4:15 AM
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Im the youngest and my party is the same way. Theres some family drama in my sitch but I’m not making them buy dresses or tuxes but they have to participate in all the family events like bach party and dress rehearsal. Which can get expensive for ones own self besides the attire factor. One of my brothers is divorced and he thinks I’m a spoiled brat but I know if they say yes even begrudgingly they’ll be there and stand with me on my wedding day.
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Beginner February 2020
Laura · on October 5, 2018 at 4:18 AM
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Forgot to mention I don’t know a lot of ppl and ppl I’m inviting I’m trying to reconnect with. But hope my perspective helps.
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VIP January 2019
Daria · on October 5, 2018 at 11:16 AM
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I had a friend get married a couple of years ago. When I heard she was engaged, I texted our other mutual friend "OMG I hope she doesn't want me to be a BM!" Her response? "ME TOOO"
Some people live for that kind of stuff. I am not one of them. For this reason, I chose to not have a bridal party.
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