Do people appreciate being part of the wedding party?

View Quoted Comment Ikr. People are on another level these days!

We didn’t have a bridal party for several reasons (cost for them, us, potential drama if I chose one vs another, small wedding, etc). Just didn’t feel necessary.

I don’t think I’d be excited either. I’d LOVE to be excited for a friend getting married, and would be happy to go gown shopping with her & host/co-host a shower. But at this point, I’m over the costs associated with BM and would not be happy if she demanded/expected any BM duties. I’d rather be a guest.

I know it’s frustrating but don’t let it upset you.

View Quoted Comment Unless you have a destination wedding who on earth requires the bridal party to take vacation time?? I get asking if they want to get nails done day before wedding but not requiring it. Unless they have to travel for the wedding.

I think some people expect way to much from there bridal party. Sometimes I feel as though people think bridal party should be free help and spend a ton of money and so on. Wich is why people do not get excited about it. Remember that is is you and your husbands day. There for it is you and your husbands responsibility to put it togather. If they want to help when you ask that is different. so the only thing your bridal part should have to pay for is dress and shoes. You should ask girls budget and go with that. Sorry major pet peeve of mine is expecting so much from your bridal party.

I have never been part of a wedding party, but it is ridiculously expensive (depending on what you expect as a bride). Some brides want everything: bridal shower (&dollar, Bachelorette party ($&dollar, wedding attire, shoes, jewelry, hair & makeup ($$&dollar, wedding gift ($$$&dollar, and all the time commitment to do ALL that. When my niece got married, she picked her 16yr old sister to be MoH, and that was a DISASTER, because she didn't plan anything and wasn't helpful (because she's 16!). I hope that's not the case for you, but when you said "little sister" I'm like i wonder how little lol. Finally, i sent wedding party proposal boxes to my Moh (niece) & bridesmaid (cousin) and they loved them, my MoH said she was excited and had already planned her MoH speech. (There's a speech????) Anyway, maybe talk to them and lay out your expectations just in case.

View Quoted Comment Lol I just said this is why girls do t line to be in wedding cause sometimes to much is expected.

View Quoted Comment Yes the maid of honor and bestcnan give a speech. But they don’t have to.

I guess because I am always excited for people I expected to have people be excited for me. Yea, not the case. The groomsmen were very meh about it and so were 2 of my bridesmaids. My sister was excited but more for my wedding than being a bridesmaid. My niece was literally the only one excited about being in the wedding lol

I got the same responses. One said if she couldn't be MOH, she didn't want runner up. I hadn't even decided on MoH yet. One said no up front before I even asked, I told her I was engaged and she said great but don't ask me to be part of the wedding. It's really weird. When I was asked, the several times I was, I jumped up and down and was so thrilled. I guess I expected the same reaction.

Some people just aren't the wow, jump up and down and give a hug excited type. And the further out you are asked, the less exciting it is. Oh right, I'll put it on my 18 month calendar so I don't forget it. When it gets to the last 4 months or so, then it store up feeling from most not the couple. I love the winter holidays. But the idea of spending part of an October vacation shopping, and picking out decorations? Heck, no! Everything in it's time. I used to consistently enjoy being a bridesmaid ir MOH, doing smallish showers, getting dress up at home or in a hotel room with mySP or by myself, and being at the wedding an hour or so early. I have done a few do it yourself, cook all the night before and morning if the wedding,too, then changed and ready to go. Fun. And because such weddings always turned out well, fun even though work. Until wedding craziness began to set it. Reality tv style, everyone is treated like a celebrity garbage. Now I turn down more than I agree to do. Any time the bride starts talking about her girls being a team, how much fun everyone will have getting to know each other, about spa days and getting nails done as a special event, or pajama parties the night before, or cattle call showers of 60 or 70 people, I am out. And never in my life, even in a totally foreign country where I had no place else to be and nowhere to go, would you find me going to a brides room or suite at 9 am to spend hours and hours on group grooming, hair and nails and posing for pictures in cutesy awful robes and things someone bought for the purpose. For a 4-6 pm wedding. Some people love that stuff. I didn't like it at age 8 or 12, certainly not doing it as an adult. I was in more than 30 weddings under " old rules - get a dress, do a shower with another friend, or a relative, or a bm . Maybe a lunch or an evening out with the bridal party. Rehearsal dinner if possible. And no bride or shower hostess ever expected any but a bride to travel more than 1½ to 2 hour drive for a shower, bachelorette, or rehearsal and dinner. These days lots of brides consider it a requirement you spend $300 on travel and a day off work to be a shower guest, so you can turn in a gift they do not open .Price of admission. I am very careful now to find out expectations up front. No, just because you have a Great Gatsby theme, I won't chop off 12" of my hair weeks before the wedding, and get a permanent head full of spit curls. The straight dress with fringe, and rope if beads was one thing, ugly as it looked, a $100 spent to donate to zgoidwill after wearing. But haircutting, getting porcelain nails, asked to due my jet black hair blond to be a surfer girl lol like th 2 other bm and bride? Never. And I have been asked to do so. By brides who never mentioned it for 7 months, til they saw something in the web that inspired a vision. And at a month or two out they throw a royal toddler worthy tantrum. I went through army basic training a year of duty together before different assignments, worked side by side later in a civilian job for 2 years while both in the same degree program. And never imagined I would see this competent, professional person jump up and down screaming " you have to because it is my day" at 3 dumfounded women who had all politely said, weeks before the wedding, shower and Bach done, all dresses and accessories in place and altered, no we will not have our fliir length satin dresses slit up to the top of the leg, style our hair I'm bouffant hairdos, and dance while lip syncing to a fifties girl group song, to kick off the reception. She would not give. She had no bridal party, or soloist. So when asked, do I like being in weddings, a big, it depends on what is asked. I always used to. And the ones I do not turn down because of bride's expectations, usually. Unless a bridezilla appears.

View Quoted Comment Because not everyone works M-F 8am-5pm. And not everything is scheduled on Sat/Sun. Wedding dress shopping (multiple appointments), first looks, fittings, bridesmaid dress shopping, BM fittings; then bridal showers, heaven help her if they have more than than one; bachelorette party. Then some brides want girl get togethers to make center pieces, party favors, etc. It doesn’t have to be a destination wedding to require travel. People have families and other commitments. It’s a lot of damn work! And it requires A LOT OF TIME! I’m exhausted even thinking about it! LOL

View Quoted Comment BM do not need to do fist fittings, first looks bridal showers. You do not need to do a group shopping trip or bachelorette party I asked my BMs to get my dress with me cause I no longer have my mom. Literally all I “required” my girls to do is get a colbalt dress. I am not taking off time accept to days before the wedding. I get there are multiple appointments but you should not make your bridesmaids go to them.

Well all my bridesmaids and MOH were overly excited.

Mine were very excited. I was excited when I was asked years ago.

Unfortunately yeah that’s pretty normal, when i asked I did get a happy yes, but it wasn’t anything over the top. Which was fine for me. Being a bridesmaid is very pricy, I’ve been one numerous times, i think it is exciting but like others are saying, it’s most exciting to the two people getting married. And don’t let this bother you, it will be an amazing day! Whether anyone appreciates it or not

View Quoted Comment Exactly. You shouldn’t. That’s my point! LOL But some brides expect that or you’re “ruining the most important day of their life!!!” 🙄 Glad you’re not one of those brides!

We aren’t doing wedding parties for our wedding. However when my step mom asked me at age 19 to be her bridesmaid I was happy but still a bit annoyed...see, she has a son and daughter. My dad has a son and me, a daughter. Both boys are the same grade and younger than me and my (now) step sis. I’m a year older than her daughter. So my dad made my brother best man and my step mom made her daughter MOH and I just thought it was kind of mean? because we were the only 4 people in the whole party who were asked to be part of the party so why did we need to have two of them titled just because they fit the gender of their parent? Me and my step bro were stuck with the titles groomsman and bridesmaid and it just felt kind of unfair. But at the same time it didn’t matter because they didn’t get anything more special than us. However I was pretty peeved when I found out a friend of my step mom had 2 matching shirts made...one that said bride and one that said maid of honor. So all morning before the wedding they matched and I just wore a rhomper, totally not matching because I didn’t know they had matching shirts. No one really said anything about it tho we were all smiles and just excited for us to all have new siblings. At my bf’s parents wedding it included my bf and his 3 step siblings (totaling 4 kids also, and also 2 boys and 2 girls, except 3 are blood and my bf is an only child). They never ended up titling who was what, however they had a LOT of drama during but mostly right after their wedding. So while theirs seemed more fair and inclusive it didn’t really matter when I looked back on my dad’s wedding I was really happy we were able to make the day so memorable for them both! We did a great job, esp with me in college and my 3 siblings all in high school. Vs my boyfriend’s step kids who did things like give away seats of the bridal party to their friends leaving me, my bf, and the bride and groom out of the head table...plus much more lol. And they were all between 20-30 y/o when that happened! I think it just depends on the maturity of the people.

*vs my boyfriend’s step SIBLINGS

All my bridesmaids (except FSIL) were extremely excited and actually keep track of the countdown more than me! I guess it just depends on the relationship and type of person they are though.