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Briana
Savvy October 2021

Do i invite everyone?

Briana, on February 2, 2021 at 4:19 PM Posted in Etiquette and Advice 0 23

So I live in New York and our wedding is 10/31/21. The governor just announced we will be able to have 150 guests and every guest must get tested beforehand. The thing is we had an original number of 200 and we were able to cut it down to 184 people. We already know people will not come because of COVID and probably the fact that they would have to test to come. When looking at the guest list, the most we could possibly cut it down to again is around 174. Most of the guest list is family that lives in the area, and the bridal party (34 ppl because every bridal party member has a significant other). Then we have about 28 people we can invite within the 150 mark that are outside of that. But the rest of the people we are both close with and see/talk to a lot we won't be able to invite. Should we still invite all 184 assuming people will decline? Or should we stick to the 150? What happens if I invite all of them and we are over the number? Ahhh!

23 Comments

Latest activity by Briana, on February 5, 2021 at 1:21 AM
  • Tory
    Devoted May 2022
    Tory ·
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    This is definitely up to personal preference (sorry I know that’s not a very helpful answer). I think it’s safe to assume that at least 34 people would not be able to come for one reason or another, but if you’re worried about cutting the list back later then it might not hurt to just invite the 150 and send out extra invites to those other guests after some people have already said they can’t make it. However you have to be sure that those people either won’t find out that you’ve already sent out invites to people earlier, or wouldn’t get offended if they weren’t included in the first round of invites. I’m sure if you sent out invites to everyone and had to cut it back later from covid restrictions that those guests would understand, as everyone knows how uncertain big events are right now
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  • CountryBride
    VIP April 2022
    CountryBride ·
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    I think you should invite only 150 because what happens if everyone decides to come?

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  • M
    Super June 2021
    Melanie ·
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    Obviously up to you, but common practice is to never assume anyone will decline and never invite more than your venue capacity. Even with covid, it would be extremely rude to take back someone's invitation simply because you invited too many people. Definitely stick with the 150 number. Looks like your wedding isn't until October so the restrictions may be lifted even further by the time you have to send our invitations. Like Tory said you can have a B list in case people decline, but some people could find being your second choice as offensive
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  • Rebelle Fleur
    Master July 2021
    Rebelle Fleur ·
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    I’m having the same dilemma and usually I would say have a seat for every person invited but odds are some people will test positive before coming, someone people will be in quarantine and others still won’t be completely comfortable with attending. So, I’m going to just invite everyone and pray atleast 30 people decline or the restrictions are lifted.
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  • Mrs. Spring
    Master April 2021
    Mrs. Spring ·
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    I would cut down as much as possible. You may want to consider calling all of them and finding out which ppl won't come at all bc of covid. My mom and future in laws don't plan on going to events until 2023
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  • Amanda
    Savvy July 2021
    Amanda ·
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    10/31 is a long way away... who’s to say that the limit will even be 150 at that point. I would invite your entire list (some will say no) and then if you need to trim it later, people will understand that it’s due to government restrictions.
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  • Y
    Just Said Yes May 2021
    Yezeila ·
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    You can leave it like that until you see if they restore the indication of 150 people nothing more, if in summer you see that it is still the same I recommend that you verify who has children and only invite adults, it will be more comfortable, my wedding is in May of this year I only have 50 people but I am lowering it as a precaution. Hope this can help you

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  • Alyssa
    Super October 2023
    Alyssa ·
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    By the end of October he may allow even more people. And if he shuts us down again then everyone will understand when you have to invite them. But from what he's been saying I'd say it will be raised to 175 by then.


    Personally I'd rather be invited due to COViD then be a second choice.
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  • Jessica
    Devoted February 2021
    Jessica ·
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    You’ll only get about 85% of the ppl you invite rsvp’d back normally so I would invite based on the ratio plus ppl will back out or cancel because some people are still ‘afraid’ to be in crowds
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  • Michelle
    Rockstar December 2022
    Michelle ·
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    Always prepare for 100% attendance. It does happen.
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  • J
    Dedicated June 2021
    Jessica ·
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    We had close to 200 as well. Cut to 100, now back 150. It’s so difficult cutting people, I feel your pain! I didn’t want to be in a situation where we had to “uninvite” guests. So I’m purchasing enough invites for our full headcount. Sending the first batch early and then if/when we get a no, I can immediately send out an invite from our B list. Which I hate calling it a B list lol
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  • Mrs. Coakley
    Master June 2017
    Mrs. Coakley ·
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    Even with the vaccine? There will be enough to vaccinate everyone by the end of the summer this year. Cases are dropping dramatically with more people recovering plus the vaccine. I feel like that's really extreme.

    And to OP: As I said, vaccines are rolling out and numbers are going down. I'd bet that capacity limits won't be further restricted and may even be lifted. I would wait a couple more months, but the traditional etiquette is to assume no one will decline. In that case, I would invite 150. But you have lots of time!

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  • Katie
    VIP August 2021
    Katie ·
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    I'd say only invite the 150 but send the invites a little early than normal and have a deadline of when they need to rsvp by. People who don't by that time I'd contact immediately. Then for all the people who decline I'd send out more invites to the people who you originally couldn't send the invites to.


    You don't want to send all 184 people invites because even though it's highly unlikely but if everyone does show you might have a problem on your hands.
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  • SLY
    Master January 2022
    SLY ·
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    I agree with Katie. Never assume people will decline. You never know, everyone might end up coming!

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  • Mrs. Spring
    Master April 2021
    Mrs. Spring ·
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    It's a "know your crowd" thing. For example, many of my loved ones have no intention taking the vaccine until they are required to by law or their employer requires it. In the meantime, they work from home and never go anywhere except the grocery store or medical appts.
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  • Treasure
    Just Said Yes July 2021
    Treasure ·
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    I am going through the same thing. I am in PA so our max number is a little lower. But we are planning on 100 so that’s how many we are inviting. If some decline because of Covid, we may invite other people but hopefully they can let us know beforehand
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  • Allison
    Devoted April 2021
    Allison ·
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    So I think it also depends on if you already sent your Save the Dates, which was the situation I was in. My FH and I naively sent Save the Dates to all 238 people on our guest list last summer thinking that surely by April 2021 we wouldn't still have restrictions (super wishful thinking, in hindsight). So now that we're ready to send invites, we're obligated to send to everyone, even though we also have gathering limit restrictions of 150. You unfortunately can't not send an invite to someone if you already sent them a Save the Date. Obviously, with COVID people should understand if you do have to eventually uninvite people so it won't be as rude. Plus, it feels safer saying now saying that things should be better by October so maybe you won't even have gathering limit restrictions!

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  • Katie
    VIP August 2021
    Katie ·
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    Another thing I'd like to add. My brother got married 10 years ago in the middle of winter. Everyone they sent invites to rsvp to the wedding. The day of the wedding it was a blizzard and very very dangerous driving condition. Surprisingly every single person still showed up and his venue was almost an hour away from everyone. Yes it is a different circumstance but still they didn't expect everyone to show and then did.
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  • Vicky
    VIP January 2020
    Vicky ·
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    That's called B-listing and is rude to both the people originally invited (and asked to respond earlier than necessary) and to the second round people.

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  • Katie
    VIP August 2021
    Katie ·
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    During covid times it's pretty common thing. People planning their wedding during this challenging time have a, b, c and some have a d list. I have multiple lists do to things constantly changing ,it is what it is. She wants to have 184 then that's a better way to go, rather than invite all 184 people everyone rsvp and then venue tells her no she can't have that many people. Then what she has to go around and tell people that they are no longer invited, that's a thousand times worse.
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