Do I include my brother's wife as a bridesmaid??? HELP!

The number on each side really doesn't matter, but you shouldn't feel obligated to include her if you aren't close. Your mom needs to get over it.

I don't think her being in your wedding party will make or break their relationship, or at least it shouldn't. Not including her causing "irreparable damage" is ridiculously extreme and fully untrue. Don't let others boss you into having his wife in your wedding party.

ETA: Realized its his wife not girlfriend, still doesn't make a difference to my opinion

If it were me, I would include her. Only because your brother is a groomsman and you were a BM in her wedding. You can have an unequal number of bridesmaids & groomsmen, just have them all walk separately. ETA-spelling

Just have her as a BM. It doesn't sound like this is a battle worth having.

Why is it going to cause irreparable damage? Are you close? Honestly, there's no obligation on your part to include her, but to save the relationship and spare feelings and a whole lot of drama down the road, just ask her. It's not worth the trouble to leave her out.

If you're so worried about sides, have FH ask a few more friends or cousins or whoever. But, they really don't have to be even. It's your call on that part!

I think your mom is being dramatic. I would never expect to be in my IL's weddings. You can include her in other ways. Trust your gut.

If you're worried about the uneven sides I think having her do a reading is a nice gesture. Maybe even still invite her to get her hair and makeup done with your bridal party if you plan on doing that!

Your mom is being dramatic. Your BMs should be who you want them to be. I included H's brother's gf in my bridal party but I don't expect to be in their wedding.

ETA - forgot to add that my SIL was not in my wedding but she and my brother didn't even invite me to theirs so I also don't feel bad about it. We're not close at all so the thought of having her be a BM never even crossed my mind.

Ew. it is so gross that people are making you feel bad about this. If you don't want her in your bridal party, don't have her in your bridal party. she will get TF over it. my SIL definitely wouldn't be in mine.

What does your brother (the SIL's husband) think of this? You didn't say anything about that. I don't think it's that big of a deal to be 6/4 women-to-men. Also, what does your SIL think of this? Can't you ask her directly? If brother and SIL are OK with it, then mom is the drama queen. Decide if it's a battle worth waging or not.

The fact that your mother is making you feel bad about is really not necessary. you definitely do not have to include her. i will point out that if you are going to include her in some other way, make sure your clear about that role - I am not a huge fan including someone in another way like a reading or what not, mainly because of my experience with my SIL. My SIL sort of slighted me and included me as basically a female usher. She chose the color dress I wore, I had to get my hair and makeup done with the bridesmaids, was a part of planning the bachelorette, etc. but when it came to the day, she didnt get me a bouquet, didn't tell the dj to introduce me with my FH (even though she had emailed me and told me she was), and basically pushed me out of photos (FH was a groomsman). It was awkward for not just me but everyone else in the wedding party felt uncomfortable with how she treated me. I say include her as a BM or not at all.

ETA also agree that you should ask how your brother feels about it. in the above scenario, FSIL asked FH if he thought I would be hurt and he just kind of shook it off and then after he saw how awkward it was for me he felt really bad that he didn't tell her up front not to do it.

I would not include her and honestly, she probably doesn't want to be included. I think the reading is a great idea.

Neither of my brothers' wives were in my wedding and they didn't care. Why does it mean so much to your Mom?

My brothers wife is not involved in my wedding. I was a BM in theirs 12 years ago, but honestly bridal parties don't need to be a tit for tat situation. FH and I actually aren't doing a bridal party outside of a MOH and a best man, but if we were I had planned to ask two of my cousins and another friend of mine that I am close with.

If you're not close, don't feel like you have to ask her.

I was a BM in my sister's wedding because, at least in my family, siblings are normally in the wedding. My brother was a groomsman. In my wedding, FSIL and my sister are BMs while FH has my brother and his brother. Neither FSIL's husband nor my sister's husband are in the wedding. I think it's nice you'll have her do a reading - I love that idea!

Do not include her if you do not want to. My brother and I had a conversation after I told him who my BMs were, and his wife was not included. He was upset, and communicated to me that she was too, and even said, "you were a BM in her wedding..." I said to him (unnecessarily), "No, I was a BM in your wedding." I was just trying to make a point. My DH and I had uneven sides; 6 for me, and 4 for him. We had my SIL do a reading. Done.

No? why would you unless you are friends with her?

Does your SIL even want to be a BM in the wedding? I really doubt she does, and a reading is a really nice gesture to include her and make her feel honored!

How is this something that brings tears to her eyes? Seriously?!

If she really really digs this in on this I'd just have her as a BM to appease her. Honestly, I would talk to her about this behavior. It is really manipulative to cry and dramatically give you the silent treatment like a teenager.

The last wedding that I went to 2 groomsmen walked together because the numbers were uneven. If the uneven numbers is your only reason not to have her then I say have her in the wedding.